there isn't much beauty in dirt
or maye this is just envy.
i decided i wasn't good enough a long time ago.
i decided i never will be. giving up seems like the most logical decision.
instead, i float along like a magnet of disdain, sucking up all the happiness and harboring it grudgingly out of spite.
how easy it would be to disappear.
i want to climb to the top of a mountain, where i can see everything and nothing can see me.
i want to waste away alone in the elements.
i want to give back to the earth what i have greedily absorbed over the years.
i want to destroy myself on everything i am, because i know very well that the only thing i will ever truly benefit is a handful of worms.

it's too bad i hate the world
almost as much as i hate myself.