Chapter 27; Nate – Valeria

Gabby had been around and away from the house lately. She was supposed to go back to work in Milan, but she kept popping up at the house when you least expected it. The last time she was around was during the birthday party, which she willingly organized, and the next day she had to catch a flight already.

It was boring when she wasn’t around. Especially when I needed her the most.

The tutor sessions killed off my boredom, but now Shea requested a break for two weeks. It feels so lonely being alone!

So Shea advised me study on my own, noting that he expected me to be a half know-it-all by the time he got back into tutoring. Alright! I would do anything to impress him! No matter how impossible it was!

...which was still impossible!

Because every time I open a book, barely halfway through the first page my mind drifted off to somewhere else. Ironically, thinking of the person who I wanted to impress so badly. Wondering how he was. What was he doing at during this hour? What time did he go to sleep? Was he under pressure trying to absorb everything into his brain? Though I was sure there wouldn’t be any problem for him. Then I called my wandering mind back to reality, and I had to reread the first paragraph over again.

I wish I had the guts to call him, but he already warned me not to disturb him for a fortnight. Boring! I could not even disturb Gabby because of the time difference! I find myself logging into the instant messenger to have a chat with my schoolmates, completely neglecting Shea’s request. By the time I was done entertaining myself, it was bed time. I kept postponing my self-study period, but at this rate I was never going to get it done.

I was not even concentrating at school. I was thinking of him. A lot. All of a sudden my friends asked me where did my nerd mode went off to. Well, it disappeared. It disappears if I had not seen Shea for a long time.

Ugh! This is so not gonna help me reach my goal! It won’t help me achieve what Shea wanted!

And I couldn’t stop thinking of him!

I couldn’t... stop...

...thinking of...

Hugging him.

I hugged him. The last time I saw him, I hugged him and sat on his lap. I couldn’t believe that I actually managed to do that without feeling ashamed or whatsoever. His warmth made it comfortable. Being that close I could tell that he was neither too skinny nor too fat. Just moderately built, and I couldn’t help thinking how sexy he’d look if he was topless.

I could feel his heartbeat. It wasn’t normal. I could feel him trembling as he explained how to solve problems. His breath was a little shaky. I could see him blushing too. Maybe I went overboard about punishing him. I was surprised that he didn’t protest, and he was forcing himself to accept it. Or maybe he liked it?

Fancy thinking he’d like it, heehee.

I wished he really did. I wished to know that he really did like it. I hoped so. I wished I knew what he thought of it. I wished I knew how he felt. For me.

Impossible, I thought.

Though he told me that he accepted me for who I was, it was not the same for him to accept my feelings for him.

I loved him.

Yeah. First I was confused with my own gender. Then I was attracted to someone of the same gender. If my parents knew, I won’t be surprised if they send me to boarding school next. Or worse; military school just to exorcise the 'girl' in me. Gabby won’t abandon me. Well, Shea might not too if he knew that. But the problem now is that I was gay for Shea. And Shea was most likely to be straight (although he appeared to have no interest in relationships).

The more I didn’t see him, the more I missed him. My feelings welled up, so full it was about to burst. Keeping inside was so painful I wanted to cry. I kept fighting the urge to call or text him. I didn’t want to make him angry.

Oh why was it so frustrating to fall in love??

Wait. I COULD text him. I could wish him good luck. Surely he wouldn’t get mad at me for wishing him luck, would he? I just needed to wait for the best time to text him. Not too early. The day before his first paper, I figured.

***

When that day came, I hesitated. Geez, I was only going to tell him to do his best, but I was still terrified. Why couldn’t I be as straight forward as I was when I sat on his lap? In my message editor, I had added the recipient’s number but the message was still blank. I left it as it was since morning, tossing and turning on the carpet like a madman. Reference books were still waiting for me to touch it. I thought I could kill time by studying but I still couldn’t. I’d do it after I text him. But I didn’t send him a message yet.

I went to surf the internet again, chatting up with a cousin and updating one another (excluding my romance problems). Time flew really fast, and it was night. Shea had not heard a word from me, yet. But I had gathered up a bit of confidence.

I keyed in “Good luck, Shea!”

It was a bit short.

Would he approve if I add something as if to start a conversation? Like... “What’s your first paper?” or “Are you ready?” –I knew the answer was obvious but it’s just for the sake of being nice...

Then again, I didn’t think Shea would be the type who’d casually text people like it was a hobby. It would make no difference whether I try to ‘talk’ to him or not.

I mindlessly typed “I”, a heart shape, and "u" underneath the first message. I giggled at my foolishness. Maybe that would provoke him and lead him to reply. Or maybe that might lose focus then it’d be my fault if he couldn’t do well in his mid-terms. Oh well, I was too tired to think too much already. Sleepily, I pressed the delete button to erase that kinky line.

The last thing I saw before dozing off was ‘Sending...’

***

Wait a sec.

I CLICKED THE WRONG BUTTON??

It wasn’t the delete button! It was the ‘send’ button!

That was the first thing I worry about the next morning. I checked the outbox hoping there was a network problem last night when I sent that, but NO!

Oh no!

I rushed to the house phone outside my room, looked left and right to see if the maid was there. Coast is clear. I dialled Gabby’s number quickly and waited impatiently while listening to the beeps. Wherever she was, I didn’t care what time it was over there and whether I was disturbing her or not. Right now the priority was ME. And there was no one else I could turn to except for her.

She didn’t answer. I redialled. I kept repeating it until she picked up the phone.

“Hello!” she exclaimed at the other end, “Nate? I’m sorry I was in the bathroom! Something must be up, right? Calling at this hour...”

“Yeah, I did something stupid...” I mumbled.

“You did what?”

“I accidentally confessed to Shea...”

“You accidentally... what? How? How could it be an accident? Tell me what happened!” I wasn’t sure if she was being excited or anxious.

“Um... where do I start...”

“Calm down, lil bro. Take a deep breath!”

I did what she said. She waited for a moment. Then asked again what happened.

“Actually, Shea’s taking a break from tutoring me...” I started.

“Oh for how long?”

“Two weeks. This is the first week. He needed to concentrate for his mid-terms...”

“Then how did you confess?”

“Hang on. I’m getting there. Well, last night I thought it’d be nice if I wish him luck for today. His exams starts today, by the way. I was thinking of something to say to him. Whether I should start up a conversation or give him a simple text. I fooled around with the phone...”

“And...”

“And I kind of typed the three word phrase, but I wanted to erase it but I accidentally clicked the send button...”

“Oh. My. God!” she squealed.

“It’s nothing to be excited about!!” I hissed. I heard the maid preparing breakfast downstairs.

“Why not? You just confessed!”

“So what? It’s not like Shea would be happy about it! I mean, I don’t know exactly how he feels. If he reads it and takes it seriously, it’s gonna ruin our teacher-student relationship!”

“For a better one,” she chirped.

“Noooo!” I moaned, although somehow deep down I kind of liked the idea.

“Why not?”

“Because Shea isn’t that kind of person!”

“What? He’s not gay?”

“He isn’t...” there was pang in my head. “Oh no... that means... Gabby... are you okay with me being... um...”

“Gay?” she ended the sentence, “Nope. I sorta knew it a long time ago. I’m just waiting for you to realize that and come out. I guess my prediction is right!”

“What? But if Dad knows he’s so gonna kill me!”

“Then don't tell him. And your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you, sis...” I felt a bit relieved. “We’re changing the subject. Back on track. Okay, how am I supposed to face him next week?”

“Just act normal as though you didn’t do anything funny,” she explained nonchalantly.

“What if he doesn’t?”

“I thought you said that he’s a no-nonsense type of guy? He’d either choose to ignore it or misinterpret the message.”

“I guess so... but still. It’s embarrassing for me... and I still worry if he’d freak out and quit his job...”

“Don’t think too much about it. Just be prepared to face the consequences. Calm down and just... just wait!”

I heard a click of a doorknob coming from one end of the corridor. The guest room situated there, I had no idea why there was a shuffling noise coming from there but I told Gabby that I needed to hang up to get ready for school. As I heard the door creak open, I slammed the receiver back to its place.

“Careful with the phone,” a grunt voice whispered as the person walked groggily into the hallway. I turned around, surprised to see a blonde haired woman standing before me in a bathrobe. Although she seem to have just woke up, she still looked elegant with her super straight locks (a result of rebonding) and I immediately recognized who it was.

“Val!” I exclaimed. I wanted to run to her and give her a big hug, but it was better if I didn’t, “When did you get back?”

“Last night,” she said with a smile. Valeria was naturally beautiful, but she’d look plain without proper make-up. Once she put them on she had this graceful and intimidating aura at the same time. Valeria was a very confident woman. Marriage did not falter her feminist spirit. She was most of the time business-like and talked less about personal issues. Now that I thought about it, she was like the female version of Shea.... or maybe Shea was the female version of Valerie. The difference is Valeria was perhaps not as short tempered... and Shea could at least accept me the way I was.

“Oh, I didn’t know you’re coming...” I said weakly. Suddenly fearing if she had heard any bit of my conversation with Gabby.

“Who were you talking to at this hour?” she asked warily, like a very gentle version of interrogation.

“Gabby,” I answered honestly. Before she could ask for more I added, “We were talking about stuff... You know. Problems. At school. I need it settled, like... today.”

“I see,” she nodded. It was hard to believe that many years ago she was the one who gave me a lot of affection but now everything between us was so awkward. She eyed me for a while and scowled.

“Did you come alone?” I asked, trying to be casual. But if I was too casual I might slip up acting unmanly in front of her. She wouldn’t like it.

“Jeff is here too. He’s still sleeping,” she glanced at the guest bedroom. Jeff was his husband. “And Nate. Why are you wearing pink?”

Oh crap. I looked down at my tee and it was indeed pink. And thank goodness I ran out of the room with my shorts on or else I’d be dead meat if she saw me in girl’s underwear. But then again, the pink tee was getting in the way for me to act normal in front of her.

Cat got my tongue. I merely shrugged. Valeria sighed.

“If you keep this up, I think it’s better if dad pass the company to me...” she muttered loudly.

“Pink doesn’t mean anything...” I debated timidly. “It’s... it’s just a colour...”

Colours meant a lot to me. So I kind of hurt myself speaking in such a way.

“Whatever, Nate. Just wanna remind you. Dad’s putting a lot of hope in you, kay? Go get ready for school. I’m gonna give you a ride there.”

She spun her heels and went back to the guest room.

Darn. I really felt like a chicken whenever she was around. Uncomfortable. Just wait till her husband (Jeff) woke up, it’d be even more awkward. I never liked Jeff, I didn’t think Jeff liked me either. I tried to be friendly with him, but he’d only give me a sneer. Val could have told him about my problem so that might be the reason why his impression on me was never good.

...

I really wanted to see Shea right now...

A/N: A little boring chapter. Probably run out of ideas, but I do need to make Valeria appear. She might be an important key character in the future. Well... She might.

But I can promise you that, the next chapter, will be a pretty good one. *winks* I feel like giving you a sneak preview. But... heheh... As you can guess, it will be Ruy's turn. The next chapter is entitled... "THE FITTING ROOM INCIDENT!"

now that oughta make you start imagining things 8D

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry i may not be able to reply personally. Thanks for liking the previous chapter. Anyways, my exams are coming up. I might put TFA on hold to concentrate. So don't be angry if I don't update. Wish me all the best. And btw, it's my birthday today. Yea, it's really wonderful that it's on halloween :3

p/s: Reminder; i update every saturday. But depending on what time I decide to publish, it might still be a friday in your region. I notice that I have North American readers, so you might receive the update on friday night. Blame the time difference =P