(CHRIS sits at the living room computer while BETTIE comes through the front door)

CHRIS

Honey! You’re home early.

(BETTIE places her purse down and takes off her coat)

BETTIE

Yeah I am. Thought I’d take an early leave from the office. I wanted to spend some time with you. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.

(CHRIS grimaces)

CHRIS

Great. Sounds great.

(BETTIE peers over CHRIS’S shoulder)

BETTIE

So what’re you up to? On Facebook I see.

CHRIS

Yeah, honey I. . .

(BETTIE slams her hand down onto the desk)

BETTIE

Damn it Chris! I knew it, you son of a bitch! What ARE you looking at? Or rather, WHO?

CHRIS

I can explain. This (points) this isn’t what it seems. Really.

BETTIE

Oh don’t you go pulling that line on me! I knew you were a dog! I knew you were hiding something. Do you think I’m blind Chris? Do you? Oh I tried ignoring it, lord knows I tried!

(CHRIS rolls his eyes at her melodrama)

CHRIS

Seriously Bettie, if you’d let me explain. . .

BETTIE

Oh go on! Explain away! I’d like to hear the crap you’re about to spew. What is she to you? Huh? Family? A long lost friend? Don’t jerk me around Chris! Get out of the way!

(BETTIE grabs hold onto his wheeled chair and slides him forcefully out of the way)

BETTIE

Ugh! What a bimbo! What a sleaze! She looks like a horse. A horse Chris! If you’re going to look, at least look at someone worth looking at.

(CHRIS raises his eyebrows, trying to comprehend what she just said)

CHRIS

Bettie. . .

BETTIE

Don’t you “Bettie” me! I’m pissed! I’m so pissed!

(BETTIE glances at the screen)

BETTIE

Oh God, we even have the same style! In fact those look like my shoes, my dress. . . Damn it Chris those are my shoes, and my dress! Aren’t they, aren’t they?

CHRIS

Please, Bettie, there’s no need to shout and repeat yourself.

BETTIE

Answer me!

CHRIS

Yes. Those are your shoes. That is your dress.

BETTIE

You mean to tell me, you’ve been giving this whore my clothes? My clothing? The clothing I’ve spent hours upon hours in a cramp office to pay for? My God Chris! Why don’t you just slap me across the face? While you’re at it, spit in my eye! You’ve disrespected me, you’ve duped me for some, some horse-face!

(BETTIE raises a hand as if to backhand him)

(CHRIS cowers, and is then relieved to see BETTIE pulling back)

CHRIS

Bettie, let me say something, I. . .

(BETTIE sighs, clearly exasperated)

BETTIE

No. Don’t you dare say a word. Haven’t I been good to you? I’ve turned a blind eye to the smeared lipstick across your lips. I’ve pretended not to smell the stench of another woman’s perfume on you. I’ve laid in a cold, empty bed late at night waiting for you to come home at the oddest hours. But this. This! You bring this into our home. I thought my clothes were missing, I thought those strange messages on the answering machine were no good. Damn it Chris, damn you.

(CHRIS stands up)

CHRIS

Are you done? Can I have a few words in?

(BETTIE’S crestfallen)

BETTIE

Go on. Say it.

CHRIS

It’s me.

BETTIE

What? Of course it’s you!

CHRIS

No! That girl, the one on the screen. That’s me. I’m her. I’m Bombshell Bettie!

(BETTIE stares at the screen, her face is pallid)

BETTIE

You, you’re. . .

CHRIS

Yeah. I’m a cross dresser. I swear I gave it up before we got married. But living with you, spending time with you, getting to know every aspect of your being. . . Jesus, you’re just so fabulous! You’ve sparked my passion for the art again. Bettie, you’re my muse! I’ve been taking your clothes and shoes, your handbags and makeup. I’ve been meaning to tell you. . .

(BETTIE raises a hand to stop him from continuing)

BETTIE

Stop. Just stop. You mean, there’s no one else? But what about all those times you came home late?

CHRIS

Drag parties dear, just contests, the night life baby. That’s all.

(CHRIS gently grabs BETTIE’S hand with his)

CHRIS

I’m sorry, I’ve put you through so much. I’ve been selfish.

BETTIE

No. I’m just really relieved.

CHRIS

You are? So you don’t find me repulsive?

BETTIE

What? No. No, not at all. Do what you want, just not other women.