What is love, really?

Love isn’t feelings.

Sometimes when you’re young and slightly more optimistic, you think that love is really that connection that you have with someone, and it really feels like there’s something there.

To break it to you gently, it’s just a crush.

Take offense. I don’t really care.

I always thought I knew everything about love by this point. There has just been so much...too much drama in my life lately. You learn about loving your family, your friends-despite the situations and the pain they give you…betrayal being just one of the factors…and loving that really special girl in your life…

My sister read me a quotation from ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye.’ It’s a beautiful book, a bit too Christian oriented for those who are non believers, but it makes sense in your love life.

This is edited a bit, because I don’t have the book, so just take it that I’m trying to get a story across.

The writer painted a scenario of a woman at her wedding day. Of course, it was the most important day of her life.

She was ecstatic.

She prepped herself, made herself look beautiful, looked into the mirror as a single woman for the last time in her life and went down the aisle, ready to marry the man of her dreams.

To her shock, as she faced the groom, there were a long row of women lining up along side him. Each of them smiled shyly at her, each of them wearing a wedding gown like hers. Outraged, she turned to her fiancé and demanded an explanation.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But before you, each of these women had a place in my heart.” And the women beside him agreed. At some point of time in his life, he had made them the same promises he had made her, and he had to keep them.

“But what about me?” she sobbed.

He apologized profusely again, but he had left a piece of his heart with each of them.

“Then what do I get?”

“You get whatever’s left.”

Okay, not a good way to tell a story. Honestly, I’m moody and erratic and uninspired, but the gist is that the dumbass gave away so much of his heart before he finally got married that all his wife had left was what he had left to give. Frankly speaking, it wasn’t much.

Today, I really learnt that love and sacrifices-it’s easy to say that love means sacrifice but it’s just so much harder to do. I keep seeing her online and wondering in my head if I should talk to her. Forget ‘wondering’, I keep pondering, obsessing, worrying, and I can’t focus on anything.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s really love if you cause the girl you love so much pain. As a guy, and someone who’s trying to be a prince…worthy of the princess that she is; I feel like I really screwed up-even if it was the right thing to do.

Sometimes I ask myself if it really was the right thing to do, if there was any way around it.

Sometimes I think I don’t care about her feelings enough.

Sometimes I ask myself why I made her cry.

I know people are cynical about long distance relationships. And hell, they have every right to be. It’s insanely difficult, and there are so many reasons to give it up.

Still, I really wish I could do something.

Anyway, why I wrote the story above. As I’ve done for the few girls that I’ve actually cared about…well the word ‘few’ doesn’t help my case a lot.

I think that I’ve given away too much of my heart already, and at this rate…not to mention if this time I follow my ‘cycle of destruction’ I’m probably going to do something I regret a lot.

I wonder if you all out there ever wonder if you’ve given away too much of your heart.

I wonder if you’re okay with having a girlfriend for just a few days or a week, so that you can sleep with her.

I wonder how you sleep at night, if you’re like that.

Today I learnt, that love constitutes of the entire bunch of things I said earlier.

And yeah, that bitch of a word.

Sacrifice.