For the Best

Through the passing months,

Of the change of seasons that go by.

I always heard a call in the back of mind,

Hearing what it said,

Yet not ready to believe.

Endless tears, long sighs,

No spoken reason why.

Heart racing,

Desire rising,

It shouldn’t be this way.

Denial ran throughout my head,

Ignoring the fleeting feeling,

The happiness I so received,

Unknowing to him,

A secret for me;

A friend I wanted to be.

I said out-loud those words,

Repeating them for myself,

Only for I to hear.

Spring came, summer arrived,

I left him there behind.

I traveled,

I left my world in adventure.

The call in the back of my mind,

So easy to forget,

So easy not to remember.

Not even dreams drew me back,

To the laughter and wonder,

To the worlds we made.

I felt at peace,

Knowing around the globe,

I could be free,

No chains, no sighs,

I was of my own.

Hope clung to me,

Wishing upon my return,

There’d be no more voice,

To touch and sway me so.

Home, sweet, home,

Summer winds and sunny days,

Country fields, warm plains,

Life wild and free, but not for me.

I heed the call in the back of my mind,

Eyes watering, heart glowing;

No mistake in what I felt,

Upon my return,

Just hearing him.

His glee to see me,

To share his ideas,

Combine our worlds.

Yet unknown to him,

I had a secret.

A secret I denied,

A secret I ran from,

It claimed me,

I knew.

I love him.

Nearly a year has gone by,

Fall and winter flew away,

My voice quiet,

No deliverance to the truth.

I’d never tell him,

So I said.

I wanted to be friends;

My heart wanted more.

Thoughts of loss, of past pains

Drew me away from my desire.

Days I wanted him to fall for another;

Days I wanted him all for myself.

Twisted and turned,

My heart knows,

My memories and wisdom denies.

Friendship is better,

I say to myself,

For what we could have,

Could shatter our worlds.

Friendship lasts forever,

Love so young can never.

I dreamt of the day,

Where my heart could grow and leave,

Fall for another,

One close, but not as close as he;

I dreamt of the day,

Where I could love him again,

Me by his side,

None other, but his attitude nearby;

The first dream beamed to be true,

But unknown to me,

The feeling was there,

The love I would never share.

Hiding in secret, drawing me back.

None other can sway me away,

Bind by his spell,

I can only sigh and smile.

Live with this contradicting feeling,

This love I felt.

I’d grow out of it,

I said wistfully,

It may be a year but soon he’ll leave,

College and his dreams,

I’ll be a figment soon.

Left behind,

He making his worlds alive,

I helped make them but I am no part,

I play no role.

I dare not go further,

For soon we will have to go our separate ways.

Unknown to him,

I’m choked by tears,

The lump in my throat.

I love him.

And it hurts so,

Yet I am glad,

To have played a hand,

To make him laugh,

To ease away pains and sorrows.

I am content,

I lied to myself,

I love him,

I thought.

No more words,

No more lines,

I locked them,

Behind this friendship of mine,

Denial saying, calling to me,

This is for the best, Claire

For the best.