AN- Yeah. I don't like FP constantly changing my font to bold or underlined... that is a whole new level of annoying.

Chapter Two

Adrian is pretty… beautiful… handsome whatever.

When we were in high school, Adrian got a lot of shit for being skinny and for not cutting his hair. “Pretty boy” was a rather popular nickname for him while we were growing up but I never thought it did him justice. He still has dirty blonde hair and bright amber eyes that almost seemed to glow, especially when he’s upset… like right now.

But what the fuck does he have to be upset about? He’s not the one who fell in love with himself and is unable to get over it, dammit.

“What are you doing here?” I ask and the words sound accusing. Adrian just stands there looking shocked when suddenly his eyes narrow.

“Excuse me? What are you doing here?” Adrian sounds a little pissed which throws me off. Again, what does he have to be pissed off about?

“I paid for this room so I could live here, while I go to college here,” I retort. I’m not usually so uptight around Adrian, or at least, I don’t act like this. I am uptight now that I think about it, but I flirt with him to cover it up. After two years of not doing that, I guess I lost touch with that version of myself.

“Funny I’ve been doing that, except longer.” Adrian looks ready to kill me. He peers around the room for a second and I take notice that he’s holding a box. It has a bunch of his clothes in it and I recognize a t-shirt that looks a lot like mine…

“What the hell…?! I’ve never seen…” Adrian looks at me suspiciously. I frown at him.

“What?!”

“You set this up, didn’t you?!” Adrian accuses and I frown a little bit more.

“Set what up?”

“This!” Adrian points around the room, dropping the clothes on the floor. “This is like junior year when you had my entire schedule changed so we could have all of our classes together!”

I can’t help but smile a bit at that, feeling my old self fall into place. Messing with Adrian had become my favorite thing to do in high school. I was above shoving his face in the dirt or making him eat crayons but I wasn’t above paying the councilors a hefty sum so they could do something potentially illegal for me.

Ahh the good old days…

“As much as that would be like me, I didn’t even know you were going to school here!” I say, but Adrian doesn’t look like he believes me. “Why aren’t you at Harvard or some ivy league school?”

“Me? I’m too poor Michael. Why aren’t you at Harvard?”

“I’m not smart enough Adrian.”

“No arguments there.”

I break out into a full fledged smile. So over two years go by and nothing has changed. Then I realize my dilema for originally ruing the day I ever saw Adrian again, and my face falls. Dammit! This is so not the time for a catch twenty-two!

“Adrian!” A female voice calls out in the hallway. Adrian closes his eyes and groans. A smile pulls at my face as I realize who that is.

“Oh my God! Is that your mother!?” I can’t help the gleeful cheer that enters my voice. Its funny but I have never met Adrian’s mother. I know about her and I’ve seen her from a distance but I’ve never actually talked to her. I used to be afraid that she would forbid Adrian to see me because I know she won’t like me. I have however given up all hope of ever dating him and maybe having his mother hate me on more then just principle will… I don’t know, make him leave.

Adrian’s eyes snap open and he glares at me. “Stay away from my mother.”

I push past Adrian and walk all the way over to the door. Adrian grabs the hem of my pants and tries to drag me back but I’m determined. I am perfectly aware that Adrian can pull my pants down in this position, but I can’t find it in me to care.

“Michael don’t embarrass me in front of my mom!” Adrian shouts. I turn and grin at him.

“You’re about to pull down my pants and you’re afraid of me embarrassing you? Where is the fairness in the world?” If looks could kill I would be dead.

“Adrian? What are you doing?” The female voice is in the room and can’t be more then five feet away from me. I turn around and see a beautiful brown haired woman with a grin on her face. She looks a lot like Adrian, so much so that I’m about to ask her to marry me. Its likely that she is just as feisty as Adrian and hell, I might have a better chance with her.

Fiona, from what I know from gossip, got pregnant when she was 17 and ran away from home. She put herself through college and as far as I know, has never been married. My mother’s friends told me she’s a frigid bitch but my mom has always been in love with her ideals. Apparently she’s a feminist, and she doesn’t like elitists, so she will hate me.

Adrian lets go of my pants and stands up. He throws me a dirty look, one that says ‘don’t mess this up’ and turns to his mom.

“Mom, this is Michael Schatner,” He says my name like it implies a lot. I throw Adrian a bewildered look, wondering if my name does imply something.

…Its probably not good.

“Michael I’ve heard so much about you,” Fiona says and shakes my hand. I’m grinning and I have no idea why.

“Its probably all true,” I say and Fiona smiles at me. I’m meeting my ultimate crush’s mom and I’m not freaking out about it.

“So Michael you are rooming with Adrian this semester?” She asks and I nod. She looks around the room and lets out a low whistle. “This is quite a room. I don’t remember paying that much for room and board.”

“That’s probably because my father paid enough for another person to go here,” I say. I would usually hide how loaded my family is, or how drunk my mother but if there’s anyone who knows how dysfunctional my family is, it’s the Lewis’s.

“Did you set this up?” Fiona’s eyebrows are raised and I can imagine she knows about the Junior incident.

“Nope,” I say.

“This seems like something you would do though.”

“I know.”

Fiona is smiling at me and I thought she was above that. Seriously, I thought that if she hated me, she would openly show it but instead it looks like she likes me…

Maybe I do have a better chance with her.

Adrian scowls at me before turning around and looking around the room. I watch him pick his clothes back up and march into the other room. I assume he’s choosing to stay here. It seriously wouldn’t surprise me if he threw a fit and demanded another room.

“So Michael…” Fiona starts off. I turn back to her and she has a smirk on her face. “You decided to stick around this time. Usually when I see you its when you are running away.”

“That’s because I don’t think its ok to meet the mother of the guy I just maimed… or embarrassed… or tripped,” I reply with ease. I’m starting to think that the reason why I’m so calm is because I’ve matured. It could be… lets see how this works out.

“You sure that’s the reason?” She asks and I shrug. Uh no, the reason is because I have a huge definitely not heterosexual crush on your son and I have never thought that I was good enough to meet his mother. “So where have you been these past few years? You kind of dropped off the face of the earth.”

“Actually, I went to Prague.”

“Oh really? Does moving to Prague mean you forget how to answer your phone and your email?”

I frowned at Fiona as she raised her eyebrows at me. This woman is exactly like Adrian; she won’t take any of my shit.

“I have no idea what…”

“Oh please Michael. I have never really met you but I know exactly what you are after.”

Oh this is not good. Its never a good thing when a Mother knows exactly what you are doing. This is why when I was going through the ages of 13-15 I kept my mother good and drunk.

“Ms. Lewis, I’m 21 years old. I don’t know what I’m after. I’m told I won’t know what I’m after until I’m forty.” I respond. Fiona rolls her eyes.

“You know what you’re after Michael. You tried to make it cook for you when you were five years old.”

Crap, she knows me better then my mother.

“You know you just referred to your son as an ‘it’ right?”

Fiona sighs, probably because I’m exasperating her. My mother gets the same way when she’s sober.

“Michael…”

“Don’t worry Ms. Lewis, I won’t force Adrian to cook. There was a reason why he was forbidden from touching the school ovens…”

“Michael? I’ve known you liked him since he came crying to me because you pushed him off the slide. I knew you really liked him when you avoided him graduation night.” Fiona seems to see right through me. I’m trying to look anywhere but her and its hard. “Its ok Michael. I’m not going to kill you. I would just like to know why you -”

“Michael?! Michael! I found your father!” My mother calls for me down the hallway. Usually I would cringe but right now I’m really grateful she’s so loud.

“Hey mom!” I shout. I look back at Fiona who is giving me a dull look. Seriously this woman could mother the world.

My mom comes into the room with this 6’5” monstrosity that I call my dad. Its funny because my mom is 5’4” and she looks like a midget next to my dad. Honestly, so do I but I’m 6 even.

“Dad, what were you doing?” I ask. Dad narrows his eyes at me in a way that is supposed to be intimidating. To other people it is, but to me… well it just isn’t.

“I hope you intend to join a fraternity here Michael,” Day states and looks around the room. I’m waiting for it, I’m reallllly waiting for it. “I even found one that is very accepting of your orientation.” Fiona grins at me while I try not to puke.

“Oh Jim, stop trying to make the boy feel bad,” My mother hisses. Despite their flaws, my parents are really good at showing affection towards one another. It’s the only reason they’ve been married this long.

“I’m not doing anything Sophie, I just thought the boy would be happy that there are open minded people here,” Dad replies. I draw in a deep breath.

“Thanks for that dad,” I say. I’m still waiting for it. Its coming, I know it is.

“Who is this Michael? Your roommate?” My dad decides to see Fiona.

“Actually dad, this is the mother of my roommate,” I say because I doubt my dad would recognize her. Fiona smiles and takes my dad’s outreached hand.

“I’m Fiona,” She says. I would give my entire trust-fund to know what she is thinking right now.

“Jim Schatner,” My dad introduces. My mother gasps and takes a step forward.

“Fiona! I haven’t seen you in so long!” Mother is absolutely ecstatic. Fiona smiles like a trooper and allows herself to be enveloped in a hug.

“Hello Sophie, how are you?” Fiona asks. My mother loves Fiona, so she spills her guts. I hear her complain about her only child running off to European college but tune out when she starts talking about her lack of sex life.

I turn and see my father frowning suspiciously at me. I frown back at him, expecting him to at one point explain why he’s almost glaring at me. He doesn’t so I have to ask…

“What?”

“If she’s not your roommate then who is?” I look behind me where I see Adrian standing in the hallway and rolling his eyes. Apparently he’s trying to avoid my family by hanging out in the hallway, which will not do.

“He is,” I point to Adrian as I say it and he knows I see him. He glares at me while my father narrows his eyes.

“They let you be in a dorm with guys when your gay?” He asks, completely surprised. I roll my eyes because my father…

There are no words.

“Yes dad,” I reply. “Just like the way you used to let me have boys sleep over at our house before I de-closeted myself.”

Dad looks at me like I had just explain to him in detail how I have gay sex. “What the hell is that?!”

“Oh sweet Jesus…”

“Adrian, why don’t you come over here and say hello to your roommate’s parents,” Fiona says. Adrian gives his mom the death look but comes over anyway. My mom sees Adrian and makes some noncommittal noise that sounds like a dolphin squeak.

“Oh Adrian! I haven’t seen you in ages!” My mother loves Adrian. Because he loves his mother.

“Hello… Mrs…. Schatner…” Adrian’s experience with my mother was wonderful. She picked me up from school one time… and when I say picked me up, I mean she sat in the passenger’s seat while the limousine driver took her to my school. Adrian was right there when she got out of the car and… well, she poured her Manhattan all over him. He was six so he cried… a lot. Mother took a picture of it. It was awesome.

“So wait, you are sleeping here with my son?” Mother sounds excited. I feel a romp coming on.

Adrian gets red faced and becomes stony. “I’m not sleeping with your son…”

“Wait, is he gay?” Dad asks me. I roll my eyes.

“No dad. Not every guy I know is gay,” I hiss. I don’t look at Adrian right now because its too hard. Dad narrows his eyes at me.

“That’s what you said about James… and Eric, and Sam, and Jason…”

“Sam was a girl and can we not talk about this?” Now its my turn to be red faced. Its not like Adrian doesn’t know I’m a whore but I just don’t want to broadcast it every two seconds.

“Hey, is this the best room they have?” Dad suddenly asks. I look at him and glare. I was waiting for this.

“Dad did you plan for Adrian and I to room together?” I ask because this has my father written all over it. He frowns at me like I’m stupid.

“Of course not Michael. I asked specifically for the best suite dorm and they insisted you have a roommate so I asked that they find someone who went to the same school as you.”

A moment of silence, and…

“I went to school with Adrian.”

“Yes, I’m finding this out.”

“So in other words, you did set this up?”

More silence…

Thank you dad…

Adrian is glaring at me. It doesn’t surprise me at all because Adrian has this permanent look on his face when I am around. It’s a cross between a scowl and a frown.

“Stop looking at me like that. This is not my fault.” I hiss. Adrian rolls his eyes. I feel a little irritated by all of this. I’m the one who’s in love with him! How dare he roll his eyes!

“So mom… dad… have you finished embarrassing me yet, or do you want to have sex on my bed?” I ask. I can see Adrian fighting a smile out of the corner of my eye while Fiona grins.

“Oh please, he couldn’t have sex if he just took viagra,” my mother decides to throw in. Joking is beyond her comprehension.

“That was so TMI,” I mutter and scratch the back of my head out of nervousness. Now I’m really afraid that they will have sex. Heaven knows my mother is drunk enough.

“Serves you right for bring it up,” Adrian retorts so I glare at him.

“I’m sorry, did your mother explain to you where you were conceived when you asked her what sex was? No, so shut it. That was way to much information for a ten year old.”

Adrian grins at me, which is weird because he usually is scowling at me. I shrug.

“Ok so before my mom decides to pry in in to my sex life, I’m going to go get the rest of my stuff,” I say and grin. Adrian frowns at me.

“Wait so, you are actually carrying your stuff?”

“Shut up.”

“You mean you haven’t paid for people to carry your stuff up for you?”

“Well we wanted to but Michael insisted that we didn’t do that,” Mom sounds less then thrilled. She’s terrified that I’m going to break my back carrying things. Adrian raises an eyebrow. I glare at him.

“Don’t say anything,” I say slowly and, like a five year old, I leave the room. I can hear a click and a distinct flash as I go down the hallway.

Sticking around the dorm was… well it’s a pain. Adrian is bending over… and stuff. So after my parents decided that the weekly embarrassment quota has been filled and they leave, I decide to take a tour of the campus. It was scary because I was sure Fiona was going to tackle me when I left, but luckily I got out of there safe and sound. The University is like most universities. Its got a bunch of old buildings and some new ones as well. I discover that the architect’s building is quite possibly the ugliest building on campus which makes me think anyone in the architect program is screwed.

I end up on Greek row, which I only realize when two guys run past me shirtless with a keg in a wheelbarrow. To be honest, as a gay man, fraternities scare me. They are like the American embodiment of manliness and manliness does not like gay people. Or at least gay men. I think they love lesbians though.

Adrian would be the person to have this conversation with…

I try and get off of Greek Row before someone randomly decides I’m a ‘homosexucle’. The ugly architecture building is in sight so I think I’m scott free when I hear my name being screamed.

“Oh shit,” I hiss and freeze like a popsicle… I’m sorry a ‘homosexucle’. I pray to god that well, whoever said my name isn’t someone I’ve slept with, or someone who I didn’t go to school with…

…or both…

“Michael! Is that you?” Oh God, I know that voice. I turn my head just slightly so I can see a petite blonde who is quite possibly the only woman on the face of the earth that is capable of raping me.

“Hi Chanel,” I say, wincing at how timid I sound. I turn around and there she is, with a scowl on her face. Its so funny that someone so pretty could be so angry.

“Where the fuck have you been, you asshole!” Its not really a questions. She knows… and now she’s stomping over to me. Shit. “You just leave to go to Prague and what? Suddenly you’re too good for us back home?” Well, I think she’s going to kill me.

Sure enough as soon as Chanel is standing in front of me she stomps on my foot. Pain explodes and I grit my teeth to stop myself from making a sound and glare at Chanel.

“What the fuck Chanel?!” I hiss and she just keeps on giving me the evil eye.

“Don’t ‘Chanel’ me you runaway bastard! You went off to Prague and managed to loose the password to your email AND change your phone number! With out telling me! I have half a mind to kick your ass!”

“And instead you hit my foot. Bravo on the footwork there Chanel.”

If possible, Chanel looks like she’s trying to kill me with her eyes. It would be comical almost if it weren’t for… you know, the rape thing.

“So what the fuck happened? What was so horrible you refused to talk about it and then stopped speaking to me altogether?” Chanel taps her flip-flop covered foot against the pavement and folds her arms.

“Maybe Chanel I wouldn’t have stopped speaking to you altogether if you had taken the fucking clue and dropped it,” I scowl at her because if she keeps bugging me about it I will seriously run away right now.

“Its not healthy! You mope like a kicked puppy, dumbass! And you have been moping for an amazing amount of time!” Chanel looses some of her fire as I hear the worry in her voice. I would never tell her of my unnatural crush on Adrian. First of all, they didn’t like each other. Chanel had some pretty snobbish sexist insults which really pisses Adrian off. Also, Chanel would tell Adrian and probably threaten him to stop being attractive to me.

“What are you doing back here anyway?” She asks, deciding to change the subject before I run away. I sigh and the change of pace, but am nevertheless grateful for it.

“Dad thought that Europe is too sexually liberal and he doesn’t want me to get AIDS,” I reply and I can see the start of a grin playing out on Chanel’s lips. “Its not funny. He was on speaker phone when he announced this.”

“I don’t get your dad.”

“Neither do I.”

“So planning to join a fraternity?” Suddenly Chanel is all excited and happy. I could say it’s a women’s thing but really… guys are just as fickle. “You should join Delta Kappa Delta! They are our brothers!”

“What? All of them? Did you have sex with any of them?” The words are out of my mouth before I can help it. She punches me in the stomach, just hard enough to hurt.

“I’m not that big of a slut Michael. Its more likely that you had sex with my sorority and the fraternity then it is for me to sleep with half the fraternity!”

“You must be proud.”

“Are you going to join or insult me all day.”

I look around us suspiciously trying to make sure that no one overhears us. “Chanel, maybe you don’t remember but I have gay like tendencies…” Chanel laughs and I glare at her to shut her up. “…And frat guys don’t like gays. As a matter of fact, they usually have a problem with women, and me… well, I’m very attached to keeping my anatomy sooooo…”

Chanel frowns at me and rolls her eyes. “Has Adrian been brainwashing you these past two years?”

I open and close my mouth, trying to fight the color appearing in my face. Chanel watches me and her jaw drops as her eyes widen. I want to cover her mouth but I’m rather like my hand… unmaimed…

“You can talk to Adrian but you can’t talk to me!” She’s basically screaming it and people are staring.

“No that’s not-”

“Oh my God, you are in LOVE with him!” People are looking at us funny and Chanel is still in shock. I amazingly cover her mouth (I know, gutsy of me right?) and look around apologetically.

“Yes that’s what she said…” I hiss loudly, motioning for Chanel to shut up. Her eyes are wide and she hasn’t bitten my hand yet. “Will you be quiet!” I whisper only loud enough for her to hear me. “I have not been talking to Adrian these last two years either. Stop being weird!”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” She shouts, amazingly, with a straight face. “We’ve known him forever and you’ve moped forever! It makes sense! God! I can’t believe I was so stupid!”

“Neither can I.” Why, yes I really am this stupid!

“Shut up! I’m not the pathetic loser who fell in love with a guy who would like to neutralize the existence of vaginas and penises!”

…

Must… keep… straight… face…

“Stop smiling!”

“I can honestly say that I’ve never heard him described like that.”

“It doesn’t make it any less true!”

If I break out laughing now… I might as well cut off my balls.

“Dammit Michael this is not laughing matter! You are in love with a male feminist! What the hell is wrong with you!” She’s being really loud again.

“You’re right. Its not funny, especially when you’re yelling about it!”

“Then stop falling in love with inappropriate people Michael Jordon!”

“Its none of your business Chanel number 5!”

I think we are both beyond people staring. Chanel glares at me when suddenly she sighs and closes her eyes. She takes a few deep breaths when suddenly, her blue eyes are staring at me, with only a tint of anger. She grabs my arm and begins marching towards a white three story house with blue trimmings. There’s a bunch of girls out on the lawn and I get catcalls as I’m dragged up the pathway. The frat house next door is looking on and looks really pissed that I’m being pulled in.

The sorority house is crawling with half naked girls, and they all give me the once over as the Perfume drags me up stairs. Her room is apparently all the way at the end of hallway, which sucks for me. I’m molested three times before I’m shoved in her room.

“Sex depraved much?” I can help but ask. Chanel turns on me and narrows her eyes.

“Shut up Michael,” She hisses and crosses her arms, suddenly looking paranoid. “You know that Adrian goes to school here right? I had Physic lab with him.”

“Seriously? I can not believe that I missed that!” Chanel punches me in the arm… hard. “Ow.”

“Stop being you and shut up ok? I’m being serious Michael. What are you going to do?”

Chanel looks serious as well, which explains why she dragged me in here. I shrug noncommittally which earns me another punch. “Ow! What the hell…?!”

“Adrian is never going to get with you if all you do is shrug!” She screeches and I cringe.

“Ok for starters, Adrian is never going to ‘get’ with me,” I respond and Chanel has this sweet look on her face that almost makes her look human. “Like you said, Adrian is a male feminist and I’m a male… uh, chauvinist pig. That and he’s not gay.”

“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Chanel interrupts and I frown at her. “What? I distinctly heard he went to a Kappa Kappa Phi party where he got to second base with Kevin Richards.”

I roll my eyes. “Most people who are inebriated get to second base with guys, including other guys.”

“Well I’ve never heard of him with another girl.”

“Yes but he’s still never really been with a guy before either,” I point out and Chanel pouts. “What? I’m over it ok? Its not that big of a deal.”

Chanel narrows her eyes at me. We are silent for a few minutes because honestly, I have nothing to say. Chanel is trying to read me but I’m an empty book. I may always have feelings for him but after some fifteen years of practice… I’m good.

“You know I’m not going to let this go right?” Chanel says. I sigh exasperatedly but nod.

“Yeah.”

Chanel nods her head and I can practically see the scheming going on.

“But seriously Michael! Adrian Lewis?…”

Oh Jesus face…