Amusing things that have been spoken or thought by, in or around me in the week and a half.

(Stupid shit that I or other people have said around me. Because I feel the need to share so that others can laugh at the insanity.)

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1. “... by, in or around me.” Way to go genius. Wanna add a little more innuendo?

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2. In trying to nag a friend into agreeing to go out for a night on the town - “Come already! Be a man!”

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3. “That’s what she said...” to a mom who already had suspicions of her child being gay.

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4. “So you like me?”

“I never said that.”

“So you don’t like me?”

“I never said that either.”

“What did you say?”

“... mumble...”

“What?”

Shouted very loudly - “I just want to have sex with you!”

“... So you do like me!”

“Aw fuck.”

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5. “Hey kitty, kitty, kitty.”

“Holy Shit! That’s a skunk!”

“No its not. Holy shit! That’s a skunk!”

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6. Joking around and wrestling with a friend - “You’re kind of... uh. Your hand is on... uh. STOP FEELING MY BALLS!”

“Oh shut up ____ you don’t have any balls.”

“Did you just call me _____?”

“.... My hand is on your crotch.”

“Ya.”

“And you aren’t _____.”

“Nope.”

“How did I forget that?”

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7. In reference to a night of irresponsible inebriation - “We weren’t that drunk.”

“Dude, you two were speaking your own language.”

“We were not. We were speaking Tequila.”

“Yeah, if Tequila spoke stupid.”

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8. “I think your face is pretty.”

“... You’re talking to a wall.”

“No I’m not. I’m texting with my voice.”

“You’re a fool.”

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9. “I love this song!”

“This song loves to kill people.”

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10. “Oh don’t worry. I won’t go down on you too hard.”

“...”

“...”

“...awkward...”