How Did I Not Know?

Jilli: (off in her own world talking with Chenoa) What about your penis?
Chenoa: (sighs) Do you think everything’s about a penis?
Liam: (talking to Ashley about something) I don’t have one, though!
Jilli: You don’t have a penis? How did I date you for four months and not know!?

(Tyler, Jilli and Ashley watching as Liam chases Andrew)
Ashley: He’s going to fall in 3...2...FAIL!
(Andrew falls on face)
Ashley: See! I am genius!

(Jilli talking to Tanner on MSN)
Jilli: Need I say more?
Tanner: OMG, why would you say whore!?
Jilli: ...
Jilli: I don’t understand.

(Adam looking around uncomfortably at the girls at the table)
Lucia: Don’t worry; just talk about something inappropriate and you’ll fit in.
(Class goes silent)
Adam: I have a fairly large penis.
(Jilli, Chenoa, Lucia and Celine stare blankly at Adam)
Adam: (turns around to face Carson) Carson, I’m fitting in!

Tanner: But...but...but...
Jilli: No buts, you ass.
Tanner: (blank stare)
Tanner: Well, that would hurt.

(In the car with my mom and Ashley)
Ashley: Oh! Turn it up, please! I love Shania Twain.
Mom: I heard she’s a real bitch. I talked to her on the phone and she was pretty impatient and kind of a bitch.
Ashley: Oh, well, I don’t like her anymore.

(Mom holding Dani, my dog)
Mom: (to Dani)You’d be a slut for Timbits, wouldn’t you?
Jilli: I’m not sure what’s more disturbing; the fact that you just said that or the tone that you said it in.

(At the monthly dance)
Random Boy: Is there a genius in the room?
Jilli: ...
Jilli: Oh! I thought he said penis!

(Stares at computer screen)
Jilli: I can’t believe I’m reading dirty Hannah Montana smut.
Alex: I can’t believe you just said that out loud.

Kaitlin: I’m a human disguised as a cat.

Alex: It looks like Resident Evil.
Dad: Yeah, it does.
TV Commercial: ...Resident Evil 5.
Jilli: You got owned!

(walking out of the school gym after doing the chicken dance because our principal’s a freak)
Kyler: There is no God.

(holding Peanut, my dad’s dog, in Jilli’s hands)
Dad: Here, Nut Nut Nut.
Jilli: I thought she only had two Nuts.
Dad: She doesn't have any nuts.

Jilli: So, it’s the thing above the place that’s below the other thing?
Alex: That narrowed it down, didn’t it?

Jilli: (singing) And now…something…something else I don’t know…

Jilli: Mom! Look, he’s my new soon-to-be husband! (points at picture of Ronnie Radke)
Mom: Huh, really? How old is he?
Jilli: Twenty-five and he’s in jail for…well, a lot of things.
Mom: I don’t give you my blessing.

(Mom and Jilli play Crazy Eights)
Mom: What’s that mean? (points to cards)
Jilli: That means you lost.
Mom: Bitch!

(Carlisle walks in on screen)
Crowd: Whoa!
Ashley: He’s so…white.

(sprinklers turn on)
Jilli: Hey! Those are not fog machines! Those are sprinklers! There are still people sitting there!

Ashley: Andrew’s an abusive boyfriend. See! (points to small mark on finger)
Ashley’s Dad: Why didn’t you hit him back?

Ashley’s Dad: Hello, Andrew.
Andrew: Hello, Mr. Shepherd.
Ashley: Hey, Dad.
Ashley’s Dad: How are you, Andrew?
Andrew: I’m good, and you?
Ashley: Hi, Dad.
Ashley’s Dad: I’m pretty good. Where you going tonight?
Ashley: HI, DAD!
(Conclusion: Ashley’s dad ignores her when Andrew’s around)

Ashley: I would do a lot of things for a nickel.
Liam: (pulls out nickel)
Jilli: No! (grabs nickel and hides it)
Ashley: I could’ve done something for that!

(Jilli, Alex and Noah watching Naruto)
Noah: He’s hot.
Jilli: WHAT?!
Noah: (innocently) What?

Mom: (to Jilli) I may love you, but I don't have to like you.

Jilli: Benji's a vampire.
Ashley: ...in bed.

Jilli: (ranting) It's like naming a fish Taco; you just don't!
Tanner: (raises hand) I have a fish named Taco.
Jilli: That's just because you're so insecure about yourself.
Tanner: What?

Jilli: Tyler and I were, like, feeling each other up in History class.
Tyler: Yeah, and Kaitlin was watching.
Jilli: So, I'm like, “This isn't a free show!”

Ashley: So, in Gym, Ms. Gould said to Jesse, “Get on your knees.”.

Jesse: So, Tammy was like “You better be prepared, 'cause it's not going to happen!”
Jesse: And I'm like, “If it's not happening, what are we supposed to be prepared for?”.

(Jilli knocks Kyler's pop off table)
Kyler: (looks at Jilli) I love how we knew it was falling and neither of us even moved.
Jilli: (looks around room) I love how nobody noticed.

Bradley: (to Ashley) Sorry, I kneed you.
Bradley: Damn, I mean I kneeded you.
Bradley: Crap!

(Jilli laughing hysterically at the bottom of the stairs in a spinny chair)
Mom: Is she crazy?
Alex: There's a good possibility.

Jilli: (looking for Alex) This is so intellectual! (hits closet door)
Alex: (laughing, jumps out of closet)
Jilli: (screams)
Jilli: God, I knew you were in there, too!

Jilli: Oh my God, Alex, you have to read this. (points at yearbook)
Jilli: (reads) Most embarassing moment: When Father Bill said I wasn't a man.
Jilli: (reads) Most memorable moment: When Father Bill called Gillan a man.

Dad: (moves box)
Furby: (mumbled) Hey, hey; me Beju!
Dad: (freezes) Oh, God, they're back!

A/N I'm sorry, I just had to write some of these down. These are some of my favourite quotes in the world, and I had to share them with you. And, yes, most of these people are my friends. Yes, I do have weird friends. Oh, and yes, I do live in Muskoka, where shania Twain does live. I've met her a couple of times, too.

Luvs and dirty-thoughts-about-Jasper-Hale,

Jilli.

P.S. Yes, Jasper does have a kinky side. XD