I can laugh and be a friend now,
I stopped shaking
Because my tongue tastes like acid
And my anxiety
Is flushed away.

My body cleansed,
And a prayer said
And I'm forgiven I suppose
Of my indiscretions
Time spent hunched against a trash can
Time spent in the back seat of his car.

What's real to me:
Is numb and broken
And sometimes reawakened by a boy's eyes.
Is being disregarded as a liar
Or a child.
It's when you tell me how you think I feel
And take your own words as gold.

I'm settling where thoughts I've had
Are only thoughts and not desires.
Wishing to shout this
But I seem to have lost my voice.