Act one – Scene one

Repo Remix.

(Enter Repo-man from a dark alleyway. He looks around and laughs)

Repo – I am not afraid of anything. I will rip your lungs out. I am not afraid of anything.

(Enter Lindsay Batchelder, a 28-year-old med student. She still has on her surgical scrubs that she wore from her last surgery that she preformed. She screams like a mad woman and lunges at the Repo-man).

Repo – What the… Mother fu!

Lindsay – Die, die, die, die!

Repo – What are you talking about! Do you know who I am?

Lindsay (now trying to kick at his ribs) – Die, die damn it! Die!

Repo (pulling out his assassin knife) – Don't tell me that I didn't warn you.

Lindsay (ducking for cover) – Oh shoot!

(A Gene-cop followed by two others enter from the right carrying a DJ booth)

Gene-cop#1 – To the right, to the right!

Gene-cop#2 – No! To the left, to the left!

Gene-cop#3 – Everything you own in a box to the left.

Gene-cops# 1, 2 – What did we tell you about that singing!!

Gene-cop#3 – I'm sorry. But every time I hear someone say "To the left, to the left" I think of that song Irreplaceable by Beyoncé

Repo – For the love of god!! Just drop the thing!

Gene-cop#2 – But you said…

Repo – I said drop the damn thing!!

(Gene-cops#2, 3 drop the DJ booth and it lands on Gene-cop#1's foot. He lets out a scream of pain and starts to swear madly. Lindsay begins to laugh and tumbles to the ground with laughter).

Repo – What are you laughing about!

Lindsay – It's just so hillarious! Look at them, they're like 7 feet tall and their acting like the three studges. I just find it funny. And you! Don't even get me started on you! Your costume looks like a bad holloween costume. All that's scary is the glowing blue eyes. And that helmet! It looks like you should be a gay knight instead of a person who rips peoples organs out!

Repo – Hey! Don't diss the helmet! It's cool!

Gene-cop#2 – Actually… It does look a little gay.

Repo – Ah, for the love of Jesus! Lets just get this over with!

Voice – Wait a minute! We want to watch this!

Lindsay – Come on! You're going to miss the fun!

(Enter Pavi, Amber Sweet and Luigi Largo. They are all wearing party hats and are cheering on the Repo-man)

Lindsay (in a game show host voice) – Ladys and Gentelman, welcome to the first annual Repo Vs. med intern brawl! I'm Lindsay Marie Batchelder and I'll be your hostess tonight. Do we have any Repo fans in the audience?

Pavi (in his Italian accent) – Kick her in de a-breadbasket!

(A few woman interns swoon and look at Pavi).

Luigi – Rip her lungs out, you idiot!

Amber S – Show no mercy!

Lindsay – Um… All right… Do we have any med intern fans.

(dosens of medical interns come barging in, almost trampling over Amber and Pavi. They are holding up signs that read "who says that blondes can't be neurosurgians" and are whooping with delight).

Med intern#1 – Give him the scalpol! Show him the scalpol!

Crowd – Scalpol! Scalpol! Scalpol! Scalpol! Scal…

Luigi – Stab her with your knife, right in the heart!

Med intern#2 – Hey! Lindsay's been in Med school for 11 years! Don't stab her Mr. Repo-man!

Luigi – I'm going to strangle you with my bare hands!

Med intern#2 – Bring it on…The larger they are, the harder they fall.

(Luigi and the med intern start to fight and Amber S and Pavi are cheering on their brother. The med interns focus on the fight and start chanting)

Amber S, Pavi, med interns – Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Repo – Hey! You're soposed to be on my side! Some one break up the fight!

(Pavi tries to break up the fight and gets pulled in by the med intern. Amber S starts to scream and also gets into the fight)

Med interns – Oh! Big fight! Big fight! Big fight! Big fight!

Lindsay – Someone hit one of them over the head with something!

(Gene-cop#1, now in a leg cast walks in with a frying pan. He hits Pavi and Amber S over the head with it and they step out of the fight. The Gene-cop#1 now heads for Luigi, but he backs out before he can get hit over the head).

Repo – Lets do this!

(Another Gene-cop walks onstage and turns on the DJ booth. The song "Kungfu fighting turns on and Lindsay and the Repo-man start doing karate warm ups. As soon as the lyrics start, they both charge at eachother, letting out karate like whoops and screams. Pavi, like a 5 year old child, starts to cheer on the Repo-man. Amber S and Luigi pull him back into the crowd. The music continues and Lindsay and the Repo-man still fight. The Repo pulls out some numbchucks and starts swinging them at Lindsay. Lindsay does a few sidesteps as she is still letting out karate yells. Luigi and Amber S start to do a disco dance and a few med interns start to join in. The music stops and all the sudden turns into another song "The Hustle")

Crowd – Do the hustle!

(Lindsay and the Repo-man start to do a square dance by locking arms. The crowd is now doing the running man as Pavi breaks through a gap in the crowd and starts to do a disco dance solo. A few Gene-cops are doing the conga at the right of the stage and Lindsay and the Repo start doing a tango routine. A sort of Spanish type music starts to play and the crowd starts to whoop and hollor like Latina woman).

Repo – You're a good dancer… Wow!

Lindsay – Lets just get this over with.

(The two start to fight again and Pavi stops his whooping and starts to cheer on the Repo again. Garrett Rapsilber comes running out, screaming, whelding a shovel. He hits the Repo over the head with the shovel and the Repo falls to the floor. Lindsay gives Garrett a high five and they start their secret handshake. Pavi, Luigi and Amber S moan and look at eachother).

Pavi, Luigi – Aww man!

Amber S – Come on boys... Lets go before another fight starts between us and the med interns.

Lindsay – Thanks Garrett!

Garrett – You're welcome.

(Garrett walks off and colides with Pavi, who is the last of the Largo siblings to leave the stage).

Lindsay – Now lets see.

(she pulls off the Repo-man's helmet and gasps).

Lindsay – John Mccain!

Med intern#1 – Wait a minute!

(Lindsay pulls off the face mask)

Lindsay – John Mayer?

Med Intern#2 – No, wait!

(Lindsay pulls off another mask).

Lindsay – Kyle Drevline?

Med Intern#3 – Wait a minute, he lives in New York… We're in LA.

(Lindsay pulls off the last mask and the woman swoon).

Lindsay – It's Mathew Mcconaughey!

Woman interns – Oh, Matt!!

Lindsay – Wait a minute.

Woman interns – No! Wait!

(Lindsay takes off the mask and everyone starts to laugh).

Lindsay – It's Jim Carry…

Deep Voice – I'm not dead yet!

(Lindsay dives for cover and screams. The interns also scream and also dive for cover. A mother with 2 children holding onto her arms walks in and peeks behind the curtian.

Mother – Hey! Ian! What did I tell you about running away from mommy!!

(A child the age of 6 comes from behind the curtian with a Darth Vador voice mask and the mother grabs his hand and walks off stage with him).

Lindsay – Wait until Alex hears about this. He'll get a kick out of it!

(Lindsay whistles and Garrett Rapsilber enters again. The both of them nod at eachother and start to dance off stage while the music "the Hustle" turns on again).

Lindsay and Garrett – Do the Hustle!