Not Spidey Senses, Chocolate Senses

I like to think of myself as…special. Well yes you can argue that everyone’s special because we’re all unique blah, blah, blah.

But I’m special.

See the difference? No? I’ll explain.

Hundreds and thousands of years ago when my great (x100 or so) grandparents decided to get down and dirty (ew!) they didn’t realise that what they were about to do would lead to a major genetic mutation which forever changed the way women worked.

When most men think of women they think of two things; getting them laid and chocolate.

Chocolate? Is she serious?

Oh but I am serious. Women love chocolate. I don’t think I’ve come across a woman of any age who’s refused chocolate. This leads me onto my point of my uniqueness.

Yes, you guessed it.

I have a super smelling nose that can smell out chocolate from a mile away.

Oh yeah.

.-x-._.-x-.

“Um, can I help you?”

Darn, I thought. He caught me.

I really needed to work on my spying skills. But hey, ten minutes is longer than my usual time before my target noticed me staring. I really shouldn’t have kept poking my head out the side and top of the magazine to see if he, my target, was going anywhere.

Okay, so this was only the second time I had put my mutated genetically modified nose sense to the test. My family and friends weren’t really good target practice. They would usually just hand over the chocolate before I asked for it.

So, this was why I needed the practice. But seriously, the first time the woman had doggy chocolates in her bag (still chocolates, stop laughing at me!) and she thought that I was a malnourished child who didn’t get food at home, so she gave me ten pounds to go get food.

It was heart warming how kind people were these days…

Moving on, my plan was simple. Wait till he reached inside his bag, and when he did grab the chocolate off him and run.

My running skills were much better than my sleuthing skills.

If any of you have doubled backed and read over the reason I was spying on him and are thinking ‘Pyschoooo…’ then I must reiterate that it’s in my DNA. I can’t help what I do. It’s a part of me okay!

I put down the Monster Truck magazine that I picked off a random shelf in the library and pasted on one of my angelic smiles.

“Yes?” I asked him innocently.

Darn he was good looking. I may have hesitated in taking the chocolate off him. That was just a maybe though.

The only thing that came close to my love for chocolate was cute guys. No, gorgeous guys. The shaggy wind swept hair, gorgeous eyes and tall but not lanky figured guys were…sigh…perfection.

“Are you drooling?”

I snapped out of the day dream I was in and check my mouth subtly. I was indeed drooling a little. I wiped my mouth clean and ignored his question, or rather statement. Whichever.

“So, was there something you needed?” I asked him blinking twice to show my utter confusion.

My acting skills were also very tre’ magnificent. (So is my French).

“Actually, was there something you needed?”

I put on my confused look; frowning forehead, and roaming eyes. I shook my head.

“Not that I know of, why?”

“You keep looking at me.” I stared at him blankly. So what if he noticed I looked at him once…twice…okay maybe three times? It’s not like he…you know…right? “You keep looking at me through the sides of your magazine. You even poked your head over the magazine, which by the way you were reading upside down for a while.”

Oh, he was good.

I put on my shocked face. “Well excuusee me, but don’t you think that you’re the one who’s been looking at me a lot? I mean here I am minding my own business, innocently sitting here at my table and you just randomly ask me whether you can help me. Dude, I don’t know you, how can you help me?”

Aside from calmly handing the chocolate you have in your bag.

“What about chocolate?” he asked frowning. “How do you know I had chocolate?”

Crap, my cover was blown. ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!!

On the plus side, I was right about the chocolate…oh yeaah.

“Um, no I didn’t,” I said calmly.

“Yes, you did. You just said something about handing over the chocolate in my bag.”

“I said nothing of the sort young man! Seriously, see a shrink, I said nothing about chocolate!” I grabbed my bag hastily and scurried out of the library. Before I left I turned around and I saw him look around to see if anyone else had seen what just happened. I saw him reach into his bag and take his chocolate out. (-Sob- it was my favourite kind too!) He put it back in his bag and scratched his head.

I think I sucked the life out of him.

I’m also known to be very annoying and a load to handle.

I walked down the path that lead back down towards campus. I sighed and kicked an innocent stone on the path. I know it didn’t deserve that, but I was hungry, lonely, and my mission to retrieve my first chocolate went down the drain.

Next time I’ll just buy the chocolate, I thought to myself.

I smiled at my new motto in life and hummed to myself.

.-x-._.-x-.

“I’m. Craving. Chocolate,” I said banging my head on the table after saying each word.

“Lyssa,” my best friend and roommate Sheena started. “It’s 9am. Don’t you think it’s a little early for chocolate?”

I gasped and glared at her.

“Do not ever say that again. It is never too early for chocolate. I mean, it’s in my nature to have chocolate. My ge-”

“Genes were mutated. I can’t help that I smell out chocolate from a distant,” Sheena finished off for me. “I know the drill Lyss.”

“Do I really sound like that?” I asked frowning.

“What?”

“Do I sound all whiny and weird?”

“No you don’t,” she sighed.

“Are you sure? Because you put on this weird voice when you said that. Are you mocking me? Or do I really sound like that?”

“Okay, you, out! I have a ton of essay questions to do and you babbling on about nonsense is distracting. So, out!”

“It’s not my fault you chose History as you Uni subject,” I protested as Sheena grabbed my bag, my coat and shoes and flung them outside our room onto the hallway. She proceeded to grab me and started to drag me out of the room.

“Have fun,” she said before slamming the door closed.

“You’re evil! It’s not my fault I chose an easy subject!” No word from Sheena. “Let me in you mad baboon bottomed fiend!”

I mumbled to myself and put my shoes on.

My best, and come to think of it only, friend, kicked me out of my favourite place and left me to wonder the streets all by myself.

Being outside on my own was a danger to the public.

I decided to revisit the library out of campus in case I had any luck in getting myself some chocolate.

I know, I know, I changed my motto. You all heard me, but I was a fresher in University. What first year Uni student was loaded with cash?

Oh, and I mean cash that doesn’t come out of a multi-million trust fund.

Yeah, I didn’t there were many either.

I put on my iPod and played my favourite song of the moment; Cookie Jar, and hoped that the song would bring me some luck.

As they say, third times a charm.

--

x

--

Or not.

My super sharp chocolate smelling nose detected no chocolate in anyone’s bags or pockets.

What were these people broke or something?

Or maybe my nose was running out of sense. I didn’t want to think about that scenario.

Whoever came up with the ‘third times a charm’ nonsense should be sued for bringing false hope to the young minds of the innocent.

I sat down on a bench under a tree and crossed my legs.

My stomach was aching for some chocolate. I opened up my two foot deep bag and went in search for some leftover chocolate.

I sensed someone sit next to me, but my mind was too focused on finding any chocolate. Two months old or two weeks old, I didn’t care, I just needed to eat some. I could smell it somewhere in there.

I came up empty handed. I groaned.

My chocolate smelling days seemed to be over.

“It’s not too much to ask to have some chocolate is it? I mean, you will it to be in your bag but does it will itself there? Noo. It decides to taunt me and stay on shop shelves looking nice and pretty!” I vented out onto an unsuspecting person.

I pouted and looked to the side.

“You!” the guy cried.

Yikes, it was library boy.

“Yes, I know I am me. Who are you?” I said slowly as if speaking to a young child.

“Okay, I’m ready for your reverse, double meaning talk…talk,” he ended off slowly and unsure of himself.

“Are you?” I asked cocking my head to the side. “Are you really ready?”

“I have chocolate.”

“Do you? Do you really have cho- Library-boy-sitting-down-on-bench say what?”

“You sounded eerily like Hannah Montana,” he said thoughtfully.

“Now, normally I would question your manhood and taunt and tease you about watching Hannah Montana, but luckily for you I’m willing to bargain.”

“Oh really?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Yep,” I said sending him a charming smile. “You give me your chocolate and I won’t bug you about Miss Montana.”

“Wow that is some great bargaining. I’m really getting off lucky aren’t I?” he asked enthusiastically.

A little too enthusiastically.

“Are you being sarcastic? I don’t appreciate sarcasm mister.”

“You’re kidding right?” he asked me giving me a she’s-got-to-be-kidding look.

“I never kid when it comes to chocolate,” I said seriously. I laughed. “Did you see what I just did?” Library boy gave me a blank look. “I just put on that serious…and then it made you…oh gosh I’m good.”

“Okay, you know what? You’re a freaky girl so I’m going to just hand over my chocolate and you can be on your way. Here.” He gave me a chocolate bar.

I looked down at the piece of heaven.

I was on the verge of crying. My chocolate smelling nose radar was going crazy. I had to do something to thank him.

I planted a smacker on his lips.

I grinned goofily and walked away, leaving library boy with a dazed look on his face.

I smelled the chocolate, raised it up to the heavens and kissed the bar.

“Thank you Lord,” I whispered dreamily. I torn the bar open and stuffed my mouth with chocolate. “Yum!”

I stuffed the last of the chocolate in mouth and the glorious wonder was starting to melt in my mouth. I swallowed it and sighed. That was some good piece of chocolate. I was about to turn around and go back to library boy to ask whether he had any more chocolate, but someone spun me around before I could.

I had the sudden urge to sing ‘You Spin Me Right Round’ but I restrained myself.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t because a pair of lips planted and worked its way around my mouth.

I had to say that it was some very nice lips. I saw library boy’s hair and closed eyes. He was gorgeous, so it was a plus.

I needed the practice so I tangoed with him. It wasn’t as if he was a fifty year old guy.

Geddit? I kissed him back. No? Yes?

“You taste like chocolate. My chocolate,” he said a little out of breath.

“Hey, you gave me the chocolate,” I said, also a little out of breath. “Got any more?” I asked hopefully.

Library boy laughed. He really did have a gorgeous laugh to go with his gorgeous face of his.

“Unfortunately no.” I sighed. “But if you and I happen to meet at seven-thirty today at Delilah’s Diner, I might just happen to have some.”

Aw, he was asking me out subtly.

“Well, since it’s going to happen, it might as well happen right?”

“Right,” he said, a grin widening on his face. Aw, he really did look like a boy who just saw a Christmas tree with all the presents underneath it.

“So cute,” I said, pinching his cheeks.

“Ow, woman that hurt!” he said trying to glare. It failed. Miserably. “Come on Lyssa. My friends want to me you. They’ve been dying to meet the girl that freaked me out at the library.”

“Wait, how’d you know my name?” I asked confused.

I stepped away from him.

“You’re not some psychotic stalker, who just happens to be really hot, are you?”

“Would you be scared if I said yes?” He asked. I contemplated it. “Lyss! You’re supposed to say ‘yes’ with no hesitation and run, but anyway, I’m in your Art history class.”

“It’s been a month since we've started University, do you really think I’ve started to pay attention? I wait till it’s about a month before exams before I cram.”

Library boy rolled his eyes.

“My friends are going to love you,” he said putting an arm around my waist. “By the way what’s up with you and smelling chocolate? Have you got spidey senses?”

“No, not spidey senses, chocolate senses. You should ask my best friend for the full story. She loves telling it.”

I grinned evilly. She hates telling it. I love to though!

“You’re cosy and you smell nice,” I said looping my arms around his waist. For a guy I knew for about ten minutes, he was sure nice. Giving me chocolate and all. Oh, and asking me out and all.

“Wait,” I said stopping the both of us. “What’s your name?”

Library boy, or later as he told me, Derrick, couldn’t stop laughing. When he did stop laughing he gave me a long lecture about being safe and not just going off with random people because they have chocolate. He took himself out from that equation because he was in my class and he was too hot to be a stalker. That was so true.

It wasn’t my fault I walked off with strangers. Blame my mutated genes. But hey, it was a good thing I had Derrick (or library boy as I sometimes call him) to save me.

And give me chocolate.

It all balances out perfectly.

Please don’t go off with random strangers and I know us women, mostly, love chocolate, but please don’t take it from random strangers. It was okay to take those penny sweets from elderly people when we were younger, but now NO.

Unless you have Derrick to save you.

Hope you enjoyed reading. I was taking a break from everything and I was thinking about chocolate, and this popped out.

Hopelessly Cliché

xoxo