Author: funnechick PM
“This story will be told! Journalistic integrity is of the utmost importance!” One-shot. Much funnier than the title and summary suggests.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 1,293 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 6 - Published: 05-12-09 - Status: Complete - id: 2672369
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Perez Hilton...thank goodness!
"Hey girl," Anthony yelled at Melissa from across the huge, grassy field the students frequently called "the quad."
Not him again, Melissa thought to herself.
If he could just get her attention once and for all, he knew he could finally get somewhere.
"What," she yelled without turning around.
Why do I always have to like the angry, feisty ones, Anthony asked himself. Oh yeah, I never could resist a challenge. With this thought Anthony ran up to Melissa, ready to change her mind about everything regarding their slightly less than budding relationship—more like non-existent.
Anthony placed his hand on Melissa's shoulder, "Don't touch me," she growled.
He lifted both of his hands in the air, "Alright, chill girl."
"You know what, if you have something to say to me that you actually want me to listen to, maybe you should stop referring to me as 'girl' and call me by my name…you know, begins with Mel and ends with issa," she spoke the last the last five words to Anthony very slowly, as if talking to a three-year-old.
The handsome male rolled his light brown eyes in annoyance. "Okay, Melissa. Will you just turn around and give me a chance to speak to you, face-to-face?"
His pleading tone convinced Melissa that maybe, just maybe, he deserved what he was asking her of.
Turning around and trying to morph her angered expression into one that was less hostile was not easy.
"Speak," she shot out as her arms crossed in front of her chest.
Anthony sighed heavily and ran his right hand along the ends of his shortly cropped black hair. "What that guy said back there," he began, "is not true."
"You and I both know I've liked you for the last 3 freaking long years…since we were in high school! I would never be in some stupid bet trying to get in your pants."
"So eloquent…I don't know how I could ever doubt you," Melissa replied with a sarcastic tone.
"What do I have to do to prove what I'm saying is the truth? Everyone knows how I feel about you except, apparently, you!" As his voice began to get louder, his anger started to rise as well.
"Don't you shout at me you…you, offending cone head!" Wow Mel, way to insult the guy—calling him a cone head, that one always stings.
"Now that we're done with the elementary name-calling stage of our conversation, let's move onto the part where we actually act like we're in our third year of college--"
"Hey…I resent that," Melissa interrupted.
"I don't care. What I do care about is the fact that for once, when I asked you out, you said yes. That is until you heard Chaz talking about some stupid bet I 'supposedly' was a part of to 'do the dirty' with you." A vein in Anthony's forehead was pulsating as he thought about the guy who took away his one chance to get with the girl he's wanted for as long as he could remember. "I swear, I'm gonna murder that kid in my sleep one day," he grumbled.
"Alright, so maybe I somehow lost my common sense for a moment and agreed to go on a date with you, but so what? I changed my mind. Besides, it would be just like you to make a bet like that." Melissa knew she was stretching the truth a bit, but she really just wanted to be over and done with this situation as soon as possible.
She didn't want to admit that she was actually beginning to have a change of heart in regards to Anthony and what may happen between them in the future. But could she be blamed for finally listening to all of her friends' advice and actually giving the poor guy a chance? She had turned him down countless times before, but lately his light eyes in combination with his fit body and fantastic sense of humor seemed to be growing on her.
She knew she shouldn't do it, but she couldn't help herself from checking him out as he attempted to explain all the reasons why anything Chaz Michaels said could not be trusted. As he was nearing reason number six, her eyes were slowly taking in the way his fitted t-shirt showed off his muscles and his full lips that were so intent on convincing Melissa of his innocence.
OK, I have got to stop checking the boy out before I lean over and kiss his rambling mouth. As Melissa began to fantasize about doing just this, Anthony noticed his speech was being completely ignored.
"Reason number ten—you know what, forget this," and with that, Anthony put a hand on each of Melissa's cheeks and brought her lips up to met his.
The energy that zipped between their bodies at the touch of their lips was electrifying.
"And so the guy gets his girl. This my friends, is a true account on what occurs when you take two ordinary, and completely oblivious, individuals, start a rumor about a bet involving two said individuals (by covertly mentioning said bet in front of the school's biggest gossip, our own non-famous version of Perez Hilton, Chaz Michaels) and witness the climax of their frustration, attraction, and impatience when the male and female finally get their romantic crap together."
"This is Christopher Taylor reporting on his biggest and most genius scoop: MANIPULATING BIG SISTER'S LOVE LIFE, PART I & II: THE IN-DEPTH EXPOSE OF MELISSA & ANTHONY'S JOURNEY OF LOVE. I really must work on a shorter title," Christopher muttered to himself.
[Camera zooms out on couple still lip-locking as students ogle at their uncaring display of public affection.]
[Narrator hums nondescript newscaster theme song as picture fades to black.]
"Hey Christopher, give me that camera you little twerp!"
"Never…this story must be shared with the world! Or at least the rest of the campus. I'm thinking, the university's film festival. Oh yeah!"
"Run, Forrest, run!" [Slapping rubber soles can be heard against the concrete, along with the panting of both Melissa and her little brother Chris.]
"Don't make me cancel our date, Anthony. You cannot encourage the enemy."
[Camera is now lying on the ground, still recording all audio.]
"He's your brother, Melissa. Give him a break. It's his job to torture you."
"But he just said he was the one to start the rumor about the bet."
"Oh…you're gonna get it Chris. I've been thinking about sacrificing a nosey little brother today…I think I've just found the perfect candidate."
"This story will be told! Journalistic integrity is of the utmost importance!"
[What the audience can't see is Christopher hiding behind the school's budding Begonia bushes with a face filled with terror as Anthony and Melissa give up on their chase, deciding to continue their make-out session. Christopher eventually falls asleep behind said bushes while Melissa and Anthony dine at a local Italian restaurant. Amazingly, the camera is still on and close enough to catch the sound of Christopher's girlish squeals when he finds out the campus' sprinklers go off at 9 p.m. every night.]
"AHHH! Freaking sprinklers. Freaking journalistic integrity. My camera!
[Camera begins to short circuit and cut off.]
A/N: This is my first story on FP. It's completely random and not that great, but thanks for reading! I'd love comments.