|Don't Tell Me
Author: Katie Milligan PM
A very short play about an American man, Mike, trying to find love through speed dating.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Words: 934 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 05-17-09 - id: 2674074
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Scene: A dimly lit restaurant. An American man, Mike, desperate to find love, waits at his table for another speed dater to sit down. Ling sits down. She is from China, in America on a student visa, and speaks poor English with a heavy Chinese accent.)
Mike: Hi. (Extends his hand for a handshake) Mike.
Ling: My name no Mike! My name Ling! Hello today! (She excitedly waves both hands in the air.)
Mike: Hi, Ling. It's my pleasure to meet you. (He begins to talk faster.) I've gone through six girls thus far and none of them have been as pretty as you. I haven't connected with any of them either. And I tell ya… I'm 35 and getting really sick of casual dating. I'm really looking for a real, long term relationship and it's so incredibly difficult to find a woman that is ready for that commitment. I've signed up for countless dating sites. E-harmony guarantees a match, but I haven't found anyone.
Ling: (Looking confused) I am very long. I am very harmony.
Mike: Oh, that is so fabulous to hear. That's exactly what I'm looking for. Tell me about yourself. What is your favorite food?
Ling: Yes. (pauses, then smiles, nodding her head) I like it.
Mike: Italian! (his eyes bulge in amazement) How ironic! That's my favorite, too! Gnocci Caprese! Mamma Mia! (Brings his hand to his mouth, kissing his fingertips.) What's your favorite color? Don't tell me it's blue.
Mike: WOW! (his eyes bulge again) Two for two! This is crazy. Favorite drink? (shaking his finger and speaking very fast) And don't try to tell me it's a Grey Goose martini on the rocks, stirred not shaken with Australian Roaring Forties blue cheese olives!?
Ling: (clapping) Yes.
Mike: (shaking his head in disbelief) I can't believe we have so much in common. This is unbelievable, really. All of my life I've been searching for you. I've been looking for you forever!
Ling: (looking slightly confused) Where you look for me?
Mike: (rambling on) I knew a girl like you would be out there somewhere. We're both looking for long-term, serious relationships and our likes and dislikes couldn't be more compatible. I feel so happy to have met you. (Mike pauses for a moment, staring into Ling's eyes and then looks at down at Ling's information on his speed-dater information paper. He runs his finger down the page and stops at Ling's name.) Your birthday is coming up. I'd love to take you out for a wonderful night on the town: dancing, the opera, a play…maybe even a dirty martini. (Mike flirtatiously winks at Ling)
Ling: What wrong with eye? (she winks back a few times)
Mike: (oblivious to her question, speaking fast) How long will you be in town? Oh please say you're going to be staying for a while. Are you staying for a week? A month? 6 years?
Ling: (beat) Yes... in town.
Mike: That's so great! Every day we can spend together, every moment. Answer me this: favorite pastime… and if you say fishing I swear –
Ling: Fi-shing (nods)
Mike: Oh my God! Unbelievable! This has to be a joke. Is this a joke? This has to be a joke…
Ling: Joke. Ha ha.
Mike: You so get me. You're the first person who really understands who I am.
Ling: (points) You.
Mike: Yes! Exactly! See what I mean? It's like we're two people sharing the same brain. Oh Ling, this is fate. This is kismet. You coming here on this day of all days? This place of all places? (reaches forward and grabs her hands) Marry me. Marry me, Ling.
Ling: (claps enthusiastically) My name Ling!
Mike: We could get married, buy a house, have some kids, two dogs, maybe a turtle…
Ling: Mmm. Sushi.
Mike: I don't care if you're on visa! That means nothing. I'll paddle across the ocean in a canoe to come see you.
Ling: Ocean flies under wind.
Mike: (starting to get angry) Why are you trying to make this so complicated? Of course we can work it out somehow. Half of the year in China, half of the year here… it will be okay. I'll follow you anywhere. Just say the word.
Ling: (beat) China?
Mike: (throws hands in air angrily) China! Of course! It's always your way isn't it? We always have to do whatever Ling wants to do. Typical. So typical. Typical woman. All you women, you're all the same! Want, want, want.
(someone speaking in the distance – both characters turn there head to the right and listen)
Mike: (beat) Times up (sighs) onto the next table.
Ling: (scoots chair back, stands up) Nice meet you. (smiles,extends hand)
Mike: (shoo's her away) Yeah, yeah. Get goin'.
(another girl sits down in Ling's place. Young, French).
Michelle: Oh!'E-lo! Me name ees Mi-chelle.
Mike: (extends hand) Mike. Pleasure to meet you.
Michelle: Ees hot here, no? (fans self)
Mike: That's fabulous to hear! That's me as well! Favorite food?
Michlle: (confused) (beat) 'Scuse me?
Mike: Oh my God! Seriously? What a coincidence! And don't try to tell me your favorite drink is a Grey Goose martini on the rocks, stirred not shaken with Australian Roaring Forties blue cheese olives!?
(fades to blackout).