Anymore

I don’t just want to remember anymore

The silence of my own anticipation
Beautiful little rituals
Shower, pantyhose, necklace
Eyeliner, perfume, heels
And everything but you forgotten

The curve of your hand around mine
As I lower myself into Josey’s leather seats
Every jealous glance caressing us both
As London wraps with ease around our fingers

Rainy afternoons
With no real need between us
for skin or words or attention
Just the knowledge that we’re there at all
Your eyes hidden behind the reading glasses
No one besides myself knows you own
My hands composing diplomacy
For that degree I’m still working on
Not that I need it

Let’s be shallow for a second,
I’ve seen your bank account
You know all about my trust fund
And even if your father wasn’t a
Duke/attorney/asshole extraordinaire
Even if my mother didn’t justify the checks with
‘I want you to know I love you.’
You’re disgustingly famous
I never knew how ironic the term
‘Royalty checks’ could be…

Your womanizing friends, jabbing you in the ribs
‘Mate, get a grip. She’s just a girl.’
My friends giggling at our expense
They say they’ll never understand what
My compassion and intelligence and moral fiber
Saw in your manipulative, rule-breaking, arrogant ways
I just laugh and shake my head and think,
They’re right
They don’t understand

They can’t because the hungry look in your eyes
The weakness that splinters your icy, cool demeanor
The way you always stop dead in your tracks,
Heart hammering and tongue shocked silent
Those are all things that you save just for me
So how can I ask anyone else to understand?
Call me sadistic, but
I think that’s the part I like the most
That I’m the only one that gets to you

‘Course, let’s not pretend like this is all about me
You make my blood boil like no one else
And I’ve yet to find a better punching bag
But I wouldn’t trade a thing for screaming at you
while thunder and lightening falls down around us
I’d rather argue with you on the rainiest night of the year,
Than kiss anyone else in the summer sunshine

Like I said
I really don’t want to remember anymore
I’m sick of reminiscing,
I’m done being strung up in mess of
My own pathetic heartstrings

I just want this back
I want to be in it again
Feel every moment happening all around me
I want all the best days of my life
The ones that passed me by in a burning haze

The ones I’ll never get back