A/N: Random idea that just hit me about an hour ago. Inspired by my final Zoology lab session that I had today. Generally an extremely rough and unpolished story, but I thought I’ll stick it up here for fun.

Summary: All I had to do was pass Marine Biology 1011 to get my Honors. And I would have, if that stupid starfish didn’t tell me to clean out the ink spill in the water table with bleach. Oh, well. At least I didn’t turn anyone into a nudibranch this time…

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Chapter 1: Stupid Starfish.

Psst!

I stared dead ahead, willing myself not to chance a glance back at the stupid marine tank just across my workbench.

Psst! the hiss increased in volume.

Don’t look, don’t look, I chanted over and over in my head, gripping my pencil tighter. A strand of curly red hair escaped from my ponytail but I ignored it. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look…

Hey, Flame Bulb! Look over here, you dumbshit!

That did it. The wood snapped into half, sending pieces of lead skittering towards my overly shy lab partner, Marc MacKenzie. Twenty pairs of eyes swiveled towards me, angry at the unwanted interruption.

“Anything you’d like to express about our trip to Queensville Island this Saturday, Miss Delatorre?” Mr. Walsh, senior Marine Biology lecturer and Head of the Wellington University Science Department asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

I stamped down a low growl and smiled back as sweetly as I could. “Nope. Just had a wood fiber problem, sir.”

Black beady eyes narrowed and I swore I heard a snicker coming from the damned tank. One of these days, I was going to kill that little-

“Lunch time!” someone yelled from the back, startling the rest of the students into a flurry of motion. And true to its call, the digital clock above the OHP set at the front of the lab blared 1.00p.m., signaling the end of another torturous session.

Mr. Walsh sighed heavily, but there was no mistaking the silent glare he sent me on his way out of the crammed room. I slumped back heavily in my seat, sighing to myself.

Ooh, there’s a storm coming…an ominous voice tittered three feet from my left followed by a delirious giggle.

I growled and turned, glaring at the damned starfish that mocked me with its innocent multi-colored tentacles.

Good. Now I could eradicate that itty bitty pest once and for all.

I stole a quick peek around – everyone was either too busy shoving their binders into their bags or exiting the room to take notice of me sneaking towards the submarine sized aquarium.

Five weeks. Five bloody weeks and that effing mollusk just didn’t shut the fuck up yet.

And nope, I was not paranoid or insane. I happened to hear the thoughts of every single freaking plant and animal. But get this, I could hear them only when they were soaked in water or any form of liquid. Don’t ask me why.

It all started two summers ago when I heard my Aunt Christine’s Labradoodle, Charlie, think ‘Damn, do you think she’ll take away my chew toy if I hump that lawn gnome?’ when he was paddling in the lake. Two crushed porcelain gnomes later and Charlie was one happy mutt.

I, however, never had a moment’s peace after that…especially when my little brother got a pet goldfish called Noodles that had a thing for my mum’s bra.

I know. Freaky huh?

Damn human, you have even worse grooming skills than a shrimp. Are those split ends I sense?

I hissed, baring my teeth warningly at the infinitesimal thing.

“Why you stupid little-”

“Layla?”

Ah, fuck it.

Loverboy! Thou art my savior from the evil redhead heifer bitch! It cried with joy, arms twitching gleefully.

“Shut up, you,” I growled at it.

“Layla,” the same voice affirmed, only more smoother and less edgier.

“What is it, Dylan?” I huffed, tearing my eyes away from the damned tank long enough to look up and stare into a broad chest enveloped in a bright green Limp Bizkit T-shirt.

Ewk. Spare me the neon bright color, a smaller voice rose from the water, only to be overshadowed by a gruffer one.

Whoa…preeeety color…Ooo…Ahhh…

I groaned and smacked my forehead. One of these days, I was going to shoot myself. It’s either that, or woolen mufflers were going to be a permanent part of my get-up each time I go for labs.

“Layla, you didn’t call me last night,” Dylan stated – not loud enough to drown the following chorus of ‘Oh come all ye Faithful’ from the colony of brittle stars behind the coral reef – fidgeting from foot to foot.

I craned my neck higher and met wounded baby blue eyes set in an angular face with a round chin and high cheekbones.

Dammit. You always have to go for the soulful-looking ones, don’t you? A clump of seaweed tittered snidely, snickering. Ditch her, Poet Boy. She ain’t worth it.

I saw red at that. Dylan flinched under my gaze.

I sighed and bit my cheek. My best friend, Maggie, used to say that I had the most intense green eyes that supposedly ‘glowed’ when I was upset. According to her, I was a ‘paradox of undiluted enigma and an epitome of unadulterated eurhythmy’. And no, don’t ask me what the hell that meant. Mags just has a weird way of describing things.

“Layla? Are you here?”

Earth to Flame Bulb, earth to Flame Bulb! The biped sounds his mating call!

I threw a disgusted look at the starfish glued to the corner of the glass, before looking back at Dylan.

“I thought I told you we were over, Dylan,” I said evenly, crossing my arms over my chest. “You can’t keep meeting up with me after class, thinking I’m going to take you back.”

Which come to think of it, the ‘class’ seemed to be empty. Heh. Looks like everyone cleared out faster than that lecturer’s strike on Thursday.

Not that I was particularly bothered.

Empty class meant no witnesses. No witnesses meant mass genocide of annoying marine critters.

Hey, works for me.

“But Lay-”

“No buts,” I cut through, before he could come up with some ridiculous reason (which he did the last 32 times starting from 12.04a.m. AEDST), “I say it’s over. And I mean it. No more.”

Tell it like it is, sistah! A lionfish chirped happily, before diving into a clump of seaweed.

Hey, ouch! Watch it, Spiny!

Shut up, rubber plant!

The corners of my lips twitched into a half-smile.

God, I knew I loved that fish for a reason. I’d definitely spare him from the impending massacre.

“So does that mean you’ll consider?” Dylan stated enthusiastically, misreading my reaction. My smile vanished and I frowned at him.

“Good God Almighty in heaven, no.”

Oh, look! She’s going to dump him! Watch and learn kids! That’s how I left your mother! An overexcited Hermit crab cried out, carefully peeking from underneath his shell.

I glared at it through the corner of my eye, watching in satisfaction as it squeaked in terror and scuttled away.

“Layla, come on,” Dylan continued, running a careless hand through his messy blonde hair. “I already said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

Don’t buy it, kiddo, one of the clownfish yelled from the anemone bed. It’s all lies! Lies, I tell you, lies! Damn males think they could oppress us with their overset machoness and exuberant flashy colors, but I warn you, avert thy eyes-

Oh-kay. Guess I wasn’t the only one not fancying the opposite sex at the moment.

I drowned out the clown fish’s continuous rant, the brittle stars out-of-pitch chorus of ‘Joy to the World’, the bloody starfish’s evil snickers (oh, I was so gonna get him!) and the stupid plant’s continuous screeches of being violated by the lionfish skimming through it.

Sexual harassment! It screeched. Have you ever heard of a personal bubble? Now, get the hell away from my privates!

Dammit, focus, Lay, focus, I told myself, trying to squelch the upcoming migraine from all the itty bitty voices screaming from that blasted tank. I really should have considered majoring in French instead.

“But why?!”

I blink at Dylan and step back when I notice how pale he looks.

Shit. Now he’s gone all whiny and sentimental. I knew I shouldn’t have fallen for those big blued eyed types!

“We were meant to be together!” Dylan pushed on, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

Horror gripped me when I could second guess what he was about to do.

Whoever or whatever that’s up there, please, please, PLEASE, I beg of you, don’t let him-I began to pray, only to stop when salty tears slowly ran down his face.

Ohmifudgestickygawd.

And here comes the waterworks…the starfish sang happily, thrashing his arms against the glass. Oi, somebody go get the plumber! We have a major salt leak – Biped tear duct, Sector Dexto!

I groaned. “This just cannot be happening to me,” I muttered aloud, still backing away as Dylan inched closer, sinking down to his knees.

“Please, Layla? Please?”

Blue eyes watered, and I felt my own going red. Urgh.

Say yes, say yes! A Sea Hare hollered from under a tangle of kelp.

No, don’t fall for it! Lies, all fetid, putrid, blasphemous lies!

Oh, sod off, you oversized fry, a limpet shouted back. You’re just jealous that your husband ditched you for that shmexy sea horse in the next display with a thousand kids to raise!

The brittle stars paused in their singing and gasped dramatically.

I beg your pardon! The clownfish sniffled. I’ll let you know that Nemo-

I choked on my own spit when I heard that. It shot me an evil glare and huffed, before resuming its rant.

“Layla? Please?”

Oi, could you lot shut up! A colony of tubeworms yelled, peeking out of the dense coral slots. We’re trying to get some sleep!

Don’t you just love chaos? the starfish commented mildly, poking at a nearby cuttlefish.

The latter responded with an indignant shriek and squirted a cloud full of black ink.

A cacophony of indignant shouts and screams from the tank followed and I winced from the multitude of voices.

Hey! Who turned off the lights?

Oh, Zeus, no! I’m claustrophobic! This cannot be happening!

Help, I can’t see!

That’s because you don’t have any eyes, you idiot.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the urge to scream from all the high-pitched voices. A familiar surge rose from within me and I stiffened, panicking as fire sprang up my arms.

“Layla?”

Black hole, black hole, black hole! The brittle stars sang.

“Layla? Would you consider it? Just one last time?”

Hey, bugger off! You’re getting my tentacles in a jumble!

Not my fault you’re born with extra appendages!

Watch it! Ooh, I think the Flame Bulb is going to blow a gasket – her hands are glowing!

No, I moaned, suppressing the pent up frustration that was slowly worming its way down my limbs and inching towards my fingers. Control, Layla, control.

Bet you three Sea Squirts she’s gonna do it, I heard one of the Dorys insinuate.

I beg your pardon!

Oops. Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to use you as a bargaining chip.

“Please?”

That did it.

My eyes flew open and the world around me froze, all the sights and sounds dimming into an indiscernible murmur. Dylan stared back up at me in growing alarm, the movements of his lips too sluggish for me to make out the words-

A bright flash of light burst through the room and I hissed in pain. From the corner, a whole chorus of voices chimed in unison.

Ooh, preeeeeeetty…

I stumbled back, slamming painfully against one of the workbenches. More pain flashed through my skull and the world flitted in a maze of colors, twirling back and forth in a kaleidoscope of color.

Save him, a small voice cried through the haze of swirls and flickers.

Huh? My numbed mind responded slowly.

Save him! the voice chirped with greater vigor. Hurry, he’s drowning!

I looked around blearily at my surroundings, feeling dazed and lost.

SAVE HIM!

“Jesus!” I yelped, staggering to my feet at the sudden screech. “No need to shout, I can hear you perfectly fine!”

Sorry, one of the sea urchins mumbled, his indigo spikes drooping sadly in reprimand.

I held the sides of my head in my hands, trying to steady myself. Objects began to snap back into focus, but my vision still swam. Choking back the bile that rose up my throat, I looked back down, expecting to find Dylan still trying to get me back. Only problem was, he wasn’t there.

Instead, a small nudibranch flopped harmlessly on the floor before me, with a tiny tuft of what might seem like blonde spikes projecting from the top of its bright green body.

Oh shit.

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A/N: So, any guesses on what Layla is?