The Fear

As Inspired by a Story I was Told

There once was a girl, who lived far away,
She was smart and caring and loving,
A dreamer she was,
Never stopped to try and see reality,
Never tried to understand the way the world around her worked,
She didn’t understand,
Though she never truly tried,
This world was like a book,
With letters and characters she could not read,

This girl had no real name,
At least no one could be sure,
She was known by many things,
No name lasted forever,
Much like the person she was,
Always changing,
Never known as one being,
She was many people,
Inside and out,

She sat day in and day out,
Just dreaming away of a far away place,
Where dreams came true,
A place where feelings were true,
In this place there were no lies,
No people to pretend,
No people like her,

This girl was wrong,
A sinner some call,
She lied,
She cheated,
She pretended,
She wanted to be everything she couldn’t,
She tried so hard,
But there was no one to please,

This girl was alone,
Though surrounded by many people,
She used to hate being alone,
Though that was a long time ago,
To her it didn’t matter now,
For she felt no real sadness,
No happiness either,
Only pain,

She only felt pain,
It was no physical for she had no wounds,
She did not understand,
Why she hurt so deep inside,
Her heart maybe?
To her that made no sense,
No one was around to hurt her,
So how could she be hurt?

She ignored the thoughts,
The pain she did not understand,
She was imagining it,
That’s what she said,
But her words meant little,
For the pain did not fade,
Day in and day out,
The pain did not fade away,
But she ignored it best she could,
For what else was a human girl to do?

As time passed nothing changed,
Until one day she tried to sleep,
In her bed she lay alone,
Her head upon her pillow so cold,
She pulled the covers up,
Her eyes now closed,
But something brought her back,
The feeling of being watched,
No, she wasn’t sure,
This feeling was new to her,

Her eyes opened slowly and sure turned around in her bed,
She looked towards her bedroom door,
A feeling rising in her chest,
Could this be fear?
No,
There was nothing there,
The room was empty of anything living but her,

She turned around and closed her eyes,
A feeling of fear rising again,
The feeling was stronger but she did not understand,
She sat up quickly and turned around,
Her eyes running over the room,
There was nothing living but her,
She was sure now that she was just paranoid,
Her mind was playing tricks,

She lay back down and closed her eyes,
Trying to ignore the fear inside,
But the feeling did not fade and was left to get up again,
She stood up from her bed and headed for the door,
She glanced each little corner,
Listened closely for any sound,
But there was nothing living there,

She turned away,
A shiver running down her spine,
All in her mind,
All in her mind,

She turned on the hall light and went back to her room,
Monsters and demons,
Her mind was playing with her,
She closed the door leaving it open a crack,
The light filled the once dark room,
She turned on the radio and laid back down,
The feeling had not faded but it had weakened,
And she drifted off to sleep,

For nights this happened,
Over and over and over again,
She did not understand,
Each night it got worse,
Some nights she could not sleep at all,
Was she paranoid?

She tried reasoning with herself,
Telling herself that she was imagining things,
Her mind was playing tricks,
But nothing worked,

One night she stayed up all night,
Trying every trick in the book,
She blocked the door with three pennies,
She sprinkled holy water all around,
Going through one bottle after another,
She turned on ever light,
Said her prayers,
Read the bible over and over and over again,
But still nothing worked,

It should have worked she was sure,
But in time she gave up,
She had tried everything,
She had nothing left,
But the feeling had not faded,

As morning came she finally passed out,
But when she woke,
For the first time she heard,
A breathing at the end of her bed,
The fear inside her rose,
As she opened her eyes and looked,
To the end of the bed there was nothing,
But she continued to hear its breathing,

She sat up quickly and looked around,
Nothing moved,
Nothing changed,
Everything was exactly the same,
She heard it though,
The breathing,
It still lingered clearly in the air,
She held her breath but the sound was still there,

“Tell me who you are!”
Her voice trembling in fear,
Nothing changed,
The breathing still clear,

“I know you’re there,”
She spoke again,
Her voice somewhat more clear,
She tried to sound unafraid,
But it had not worked completely,

She listened again,
It was gone,
She looked towards the end of the bed,
There was still nothing there,
Whatever had haunted her all that night was gone now,
It had seemed to fade away,

She sighed in relief as she got up from her bed,
She grabbed the holy water and the rosary,
And left the room alone,
Her moves were cautious,
Fear still strong inside her,
Never in her life had she been so afraid,

She knew now,
She was afraid of things she could not see,
She was afraid of something that may not even be real,
She felt ridiculous for feeling this way,
But the feeling would not fade,

She got her breakfast and sat down at the table,
She took a bite before glancing under the table,
As if she expected something to be there,
There was nothing,
There never was,
Only her mind taunting her,

She felt the eyes of something on her,
But when she looked nothing was there,
She couldn’t see the demon watching her,
The demon taunting her from behind,

For days and days this happened,
It went on for weeks,
For months,
The nightmares didn’t fade away,
The fear didn’t falter,

One day she sat on her couch,
Reading over the words in the book,
She was trying to get away from reality,
Trying to hide away,
Hoping everything would fade away,

Something hit her as she read,
The words that seemed to be in bold,
The meaning they held to her,
This was her answer,
What she had searched so long for,

‘It’s hard to not know what the future will bring,
It’s hard to sit by and wait for tomorrow,
But tomorrow never comes,
Today never leaves,
And yesterday is always following,

The most you can do,
Is keep moving on,
You have to believe in yourself,
You have to feel the fear,
But you can’t let that fear hold you back,
You have to keep moving forward,
You have to move towards a better future,’

“Feel the fear and do it anyways”,
The words meant so much,
She was afraid now but she couldn’t try and run away,

She closed the book and sat up,
Her hands rested in her lap,
Her eyes now closed,
She could feel the demons try to taunt her,
She could feel the demons picking at her,
Trying desperately to draw the fear,

She would not let them win,
Not anymore,
She took a deep breath,
She pushed all hints of fear back,

“You can not control me,
Not anymore,
So leave me alone.”
She spoke her words clear,
“Yes I’m afraid,
But you can’t control the way I live,”
She stated her eyes opening,
She looked before her with fearless eyes,

She would not be afraid anymore,
She would move on and make it to tomorrow,
She wouldn’t live in fear anymore,

Time passed after that,
The fear she had once been controlled by was just a memory,
Whenever she felt its control trying to come back,
She remembered the words,
Feel the fear and do it anyways,
The words made her confident,
The made her feel okay,

She’d be okay,
She’d make it through another day,
She’d work hard to see a better future,