Derek had left Daniel last night to a feeling of apprehension, and with a promise to visit again the following day after he was done with his classes.

It was a little after 1pm, a Thursday, and Daniel stared at the crooked clock on the wall, wondering about what his boyfriend was doing in school right now. A nurse had just assured him that his doctor would be meeting with him shortly.

God, I never got a chance to call my manager, Daniel had remembered sometime yesterday, to his own horror. Although he had been scheduled to work, he figured that he had a good enough excuse as to why he’d been absent. As for his therapy – the hospital had apparently contacted his therapist for him and explained on his behalf. He wondered uneasily what his therapist was going to say to him about this ordeal when he got out of here. The man would probably end up interrogating him.

A few minutes past, before a female doctor entered the room – Daniel watched the woman cross the floor, over to his bed, before making it to his side.

“Hello Daniel,” She greeted pleasantly, a stethoscope dangling from around her neck, clipboard in one hand. “How are you feeling?”

Daniel swallowed anxiously. “Alright…”

“It’s not difficult for you to breathe on your own at all?”

Daniel shook his head ‘no’.

“Your throat isn’t sore?”

“It still feels a little tender…”

“Alright, can you lay back for me? And unbutton your shirt.” A prick of nervousness caused Daniel’s arms to be covered in goosebumps, but he lay back on the bed, fully, unbuttoning his shirt once he was laying down. The doctor pulled the covers back from his bed, saying as she did “I am going to just take your heart rate, pulse, make sure everything is alright,” and he nodded, ignoring the fact his scars were uncovered – even if it bothered him, it didn’t matter. The hospital had access to all his health related records and knew about his mental history.

“Um… I have a question, though.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t have health insurance… so…”

“-Oh, you don’t need to worry about that honey,” she reassured, her voice full and plump like tulips. “You’re a minor, and you had a potentially life-threatening injury. Not enough oxygen was getting to your body, and you could have wound up in a coma or possibly worse. Cases like this are paid for, through the government or donation programs.” She smiled, and patted his head. “So you don’t need to worry.”

“…Okay.” Though his reply was uneasy, he relaxed somewhat. The thought of his step father getting a bill in the mail that was in the thousands for a brief hospital stay had filled Daniel with disquiet.

The woman did as she had said she would – checked his heart rate, had him breathe in and out for a few moments, asked him a few questions pertaining to how that felt – checked his blood pressure, his temperature, how it felt when she touched his throat. The procedure took a few unpleasant minutes, akin to being examined and prodded by a scientist like a lab rat, and Daniel was glad to be able to button up his hospital gown when it was over.

“Everything looks good,” She said, scanning over her clipboard with a smile. “You’re much better than you were when you first came here. Your throat is a lot less swollen but yes, it’s still a little puffy looking. But you’ll be able to go home today.”

Home.

With that word, Daniel wondered, with clarified uncertainty – where exactly was home?

With his family?

With Derek?

Or possibly, beyond that – on the street, fending for himself?

Despite Derek’s warming assurance and promises, he couldn’t help but fear the new changes that were bound for his imminent future.

“Your parents have been contacted, but my secretary informed me that they have yet to return a call.”

“That… doesn’t matter,” Daniel said to the doctor, rubbing his neck, assuming his step father had ignored such a phone call – at least, that’s what he hoped. “My friend is going to pick me up and take me home…”

Home…

Wherever it may be….

Everything’s going so fast, it was beginning to make him dizzy, like a warped roller coaster, and he was a long way off from the end of it.

In a way, it had only just begun.

“Oh, okay honey,” She said, with a smile. “You can leave when they come then. I’ll have someone bring you your clothes also.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” She said, in her light voice, and left the teenager to his own devices.

Twiddling his fingers, once the room was quiet once again, Daniel sat up in bed, tugging the blanket close and wondering where exactly his life was going to go. In a desperate sort of way, he dearly wished he could go back to the comfort of familiarity; to living with his mother and abusive step father, even at the constant risk of being seriously injured, even if it made him miserable –but it seemed like it was already too late to change what was happening. Although Derek was important to him, by far the most important person in his life right now, their relationship wasn’t years old, they weren’t carved into each other’s ways and mechanisms, like an old couple that had grown against one another like two enraptured tree barks.

Almost to the point of being sickening, Daniel was very frightened of Derek finding out who he really was – because he knew, it was going to be very tough to hide, and he certainly couldn’t hide it forever from him; But the thought of Derek finding out about his depression -- ripped him with a blinding white fear, far worse than what he had felt when his step father had his hands around his throat.

Even though I’m a stupid fuck… I-

I want to be with him.

It’s selfish of me...

I know I don’t deserve him…

But still… I want him.

So much.

Running tired fingers over old, bumpy scars, feeling over the lines like cracked and sliced marble, Daniel’s eyes closed.

He’s all I have.

But I’m – I’m going to have to… to tell him.

Eventually… eventually…

He rationed this fact painfully, in the back of his brain, rotating it like a ball in its socket.

But not yet.

Because I-I can’t.

I can’t let him know, not right now.

I’m too afraid of what he would say, what’d he do…

With an exhale of air, Daniel opened his eyes, and sat up against the wall, biting his lip tightly, to keep himself from punching the wall in his pent-up frustration. His fingers were clenched tightly into his palms, nails digging into his skin.

I’ll try to stop…

To stop hurting myself-

Even in his head, it was embarrassing and heartrending to admit, and he flushed with his own self malice and disgrace.

I really will try.

I want to be better, for myself, but for Derek too...

I want to feel like… I can deserve him… if I work hard… if I fight this…

His heart ached from the emotional pain of another mental challenge.

I can win.

I need to believe I can win.

I will win against it, because…

I love Derek.

His brain was fighting two versions of himself. On one side, ironic though it was, cutting was his ultimate drug, his most basic comfort – the one and only way to calm himself down, after a high of severe anger, depression, frustration, loneliness, or overall sickness with himself, or a combination of a number of these things at once.

The physical pain bit him back into reality; made him keenly alert of the physical and not just the mental; and of all the miniscule sensations of himself; the fact that the blood under his skin was truly warm, that the heart in his body really did beat 70 times a minute, and the gushing liquid that squeezed out from between slices of his skin was truly beautiful, enchanting and dark, like a fine wine; the train to the railroad of his body, delivering cells and signals from one side of himself to the other. It was the fragile machine of flesh that was the human body, that was himself and was anyone else. The subconscious awareness of these facts soothed him, the oncoming weakness of blood loss calming his nerves like a strong drug, but the only way to trigger this reaction, was to endure some form of physical pain.

It was also a very good form of punishment; for his own stupidity, shortcomings, or simply self malice.

And that was the addiction.

But Daniel’s addiction was as much the thread holding the fabric of his mind together, the string that kept his sanity from unfurling, as it was the source of his torment.

On the other side, as much as the comfort meant, Daniel yearned for normalcy; to not need the pain, and to not feel such mental anguish that he required physical pain to bring himself back and pacify himself. But most importantly, he wanted to stop feeling such infamy in the fact that he had little control over his own actions, in the fact that his arm was covered in scars as a result of lack of self control. It was humiliating, and Daniel felt that the shame was well warranted, and he wanted it to stop.

It was now-

or never.

-

-

-

-

Although somewhat sour to be in class whilst his boyfriend was in the hospital, Derek sat through physics regardless, which was the few of many classes which had proposed some challenge in his life. At the moment though, the lecture his teacher was giving was hard to focus on, and Derek twirled his pencil around with nimble fingers, unable to think of nothing but the dark haired boy who was lying in a hospital bed. And he imagined in his mind the plastic tubes piercing him beneath his skin, his drained expression, glazed blue eyes, the weakened pitch of his voice and the way his arms had felt around Derek’s body, the grip loose and far too lax but nevertheless loving and inviting.

His wonderful warmth and the sense of his heartbeat caught Derek like a spell, casting a glow through him like sunlight coloring rippling water a golden red.

The only reason why Derek didn’t sleep through American History was because Daniel was in that class. Today he was not there, though, and Derek wasn’t too interested in watching a special on “The Stamp Act” on a small, shitty classroom television.

When lunch came, it made him feel very nostalgic. Derek decided not to eat – feeling, a bit too worried and sad, to care whether or not his stomach was empty - and as he closed his locker shut, he sighed, and leant against the metal, relishing in the few seconds of peace that occurred when students were back in their classrooms and the kids in lunch were all in the cafeteria, and no one was out roaming the hallways aside from himself. His eyes closed as he basked in quietude for a few moments, only captured between rare flickers of time.

“Excuse me?”

A voice penetrated his thoughts, enflaming the garden of his mind. Already irked, Derek opened his eyes and stood straight, to see – a girl standing in front of him, staring up at him as most girls did. She had round, honey brown eyes, outlined in black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow; and dark hair that was pulled back into a sloppy bun, with a few neon colored clips in her hair; pulling strands back from her face. Her style of dress was mostly dark, toned down, but looked good against her petit body. She had a bag slung against her arm, which was green and covered in little black hearts, and her nails were painted chalk white, which were chipped and fading.

“Yes?”

He almost expected her to be a freshman, or a new student, asking which hallway was where or which classroom was where.

There was an uncertainty to her gaze, an uneasiness.

“Your name’s… Derek, right? You’re… Friends with Daniel?”

Immediately, Derek became alert, and suspicious. A flicker of anger touched him – he sincerely hoped the fact he had been momentarily blamed for Daniel’s collapse hadn’t leaked from the principal’s office to become public knowledge. “Yeah…?”

“Daniel Bojarski, right?”

“Yes. I know who he is.”

The harsh, unimpressed tone made her somewhat cower, he noted.

“Well…um…” She stumbled on her wording. “Me and him… we use to date.”

That made Derek more annoyed than any of the other implications.

So this is his ex girlfriend.

Now he gave the teenager a thorough rundown. She had a cute face – and a nice body, her breasts were small, perky, and the curves of her waist a little wider, like the typical female pear shape. It reminded Derek of a mermaid’s body. The clothes she was wearing were – could be better, in many ways in his opinion. But it didn’t change the fact she was an attractive young woman, with a nice pair of lips, well shaped eyes that could have been passed as asian, and an overall even skin tone.

To him, she was a new challenge.

Her name – what was it? I forgot…

“…And?”

“Um-“ In a show of disquiet, she sucked her lips inward momentarily and then let them back out, making a slight pop sound. “Well… Did you know he passed out at school?”

“Yes, I know.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear, nervous like a little fawn that was trying to reason with the stag, looking up at him with big concerned eyes.

“Do you know—what hospital he’s at? By any chance?”

“No. Sorry.”

He said the words before even considering another answer. And so immediately, that he momentarily surprised himself – but just by a smidgeon and no more than that.

And with the reply, her face fell, in sadness, and he almost felt a little bit guilty – but then again - not really.

“…Do you at least know if he’s alright, and when he’ll be back?”

“No, I don’t know anything.”

“-How do you not know?” She questioned, abruptly bitterly and unbelieving, challenging him with eyes that were now narrowed, made upset and somewhat angered by his uninformative and unhelpful responses.

But Derek had faced many more difficult challenges in his life than the gaze of a bitchy little girl. “I always see you around him.”

“Why, do you watch us?”

The comment took her by surprise – and then triggered her hatred, like the removing of one piece of wood that broke the whole dam. “Fuck you.”

“No thanks. I’m pretty sure I can get better than you.”

“What the fuck is your problem? I just want to know if he’s okay!”

“And I said I don’t know. What more do you want?”

She paused, and then huffed in her anger, cheeks slightly inflated, like a puffer fish – and turned away, stomping off down the corridor, refusing to look back at the boy who had sparked her malice.

Nonchalantly, Derek watched her go in all her raging prissiness, and decided at that precise moment that he would to sneak to the back of the school and get a good nicotine fix, whilst mulling these new occurrences over under the dull sun.

-

-

-

-

Derek opened the door for Daniel – before he even had a chance to open it himself.

The other teenager gave the blond a dark look. They were in the hospital parking lot. “Derek… I’m fine… Seriously…”

“Just making sure.”

“I can open the door myself.”

“Just get in.”

With a sigh of defeat, Daniel slid into Derek’s car - the Porsche, of course – Derek wanted to pick Daniel up in something classy.

Like a proper doorman, Derek closed the door, and walked around the other side of the car – to open the door of the driver’s seat, and slid in.

There was a quietness, in which Daniel looked down at his hands nervously, biting his lip. It still wasn’t his car – an unfamiliar location. Sitting in it alone, just the two of them, Derek and himself; spiked his senses to a considerable height; as if he were at the top of a great cliff, wanting to see the view below but uncertain if he would fall in the process. As if he were constantly on the brink of his own embellished apprehension.

His insides twitched with disquiet, and he hugged himself, forcing his eyes to look outside at the dark lot rather than at his driver. It made him recall a moment, not many nights ago, when their lips met over these two seats; and such thoughts made his insides squirm with anxiety and burning arousal. The air felt stiff; he tried to swallow the turbulence in his throat.

Derek had become irritated and impatient after his cigarette and had left school early to see his boyfriend, without any real form of permission from the school. He simply walked out of the side door, got into his car and left.

Not that they would notice. Not that any teacher would suspect him of skipping. No, the straight A student with the brilliant mind, who was always on class on time, who always did his work thoroughly and to his fullest, who was always courteous and respectful to teachers, who never answered any question incorrectly, how could he? It was amazing how easy it was to bypass teachers. There was a definite bias between students and Derek took full advantage of it.

“We don’t have enough time to get my things,” Daniel said, glancing at the clock. It was nearly 1PM. His mother would be home at around 3, the same time he got home from school, and it was the same for his step father. Daniel didn’t have any of his things on him, really; just the clothes on his back and that was it. There were still his keys in his pocket, his wallet in his coat, at least. Said garments were somewhat dirtied by now, but Derek had said he could borrow some clothes until they got Daniel’s stuff out of his room. The plan was to do that tomorrow morning.

“Yeah, we’ll just hold off on it until tomorrow…” Derek said, in agreement, and put on his seatbelt. Daniel followed suit.

I’m going home now…

My new home.

Daniel glanced at the blond beside him, eyes scanning that profile, running his gaze from Derek’s hair to the tip of his nose, to his chin, down his neck and then his flat chest. Derek caught him staring – with a bemused look, he broke Daniel’s gaze – and Daniel looked away, forcing himself to look out the window, his heart having caught in his throat and skipped a beat.

The car ride began quite silently. Philadelphia was a city, and like most cities, there was traffic. It was about an hour before rush hour, so at least they would be out of the city before rush hour began.

A bit unnerved by the quietness, Daniel snuck a look at Derek – who’s green gaze was focused on the road ahead of him, the hue of his eyes soft and warm, like sun-kissed grass; looking onto the tar street that was overhung by shadows of the enormous buildings on either side of it, cars flowing in and out of exits and entrances tightly, drivers impatient to get where they were going and sometimes at the expense of safety.

Not wanting to break Derek’s focus, Daniel looked away from him – and leant his head to the door, eyelids slipping down, clinging onto his coat like a blanket. Even if his stomach was fizzing like soda, he still felt tired. Although he’d healed a lot by now, his throat was still sore – if he had insurance, he probably would have remained in the hospital for at least another day or so. Although he wanted to spend time with Derek, the desire to rest was too strong to ignore; wafting like a powerful incense that eroded the scent of everything else.

And exhaustion took him away like a soft cloud, arising into the air like steam, lifting him up into the warmth, the darkness caving in on him--

“-You alright?”

“ah—um…” Broken from his dose, Derek’s voice rippling through his mind like ripples across a small pond – Daniel forced himself to sit up, and he nodded, swallowed his yawn, and rubbed his left eye with his hand, as if trying to wipe away his smeared vision and bring the world back into clarity. “Fine… I’m fine.”

Derek made a tsk sound – and Daniel looked at him, to see his concerned face.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, right. Come here-“ Suddenly Derek’s arm was around his shoulder – pulling Daniel close – as close as they could be, without the cup holder. Though a little uncertain of what to do at first, how to react, Daniel lifted the cup holder up – and scooted willingly closer, stretching out his seatbelt accordingly, even as it somewhat stabbed him in his lower stomach. It felt nice – Derek’s arm around him, making him feel comfortable and loved – really nice, actually. It was a wonderful feeling… And Daniel snuggled his face along Derek’s chest and shoulder, enjoying the weight of that arm around his shoulders, the warmth of his boyfriend’s body, the texture of his shirt, letting his eyelids slip shut, enamored by the amorous sensation of Derek’s touch…

When he woke up, they were at Derek’s apartment – and he woke up to the feeling of Derek’s hand stroking his hair tenderly, his arm still around Daniel’s shoulders.

“Ah—sorry,” Daniel apologized, blinking for a second, and sitting up. Derek let his arm fall – and Daniel yawned. “How long have you been sitting here?”

“About 10 minutes…” It was really more like 25. “Don’t apologize.” Derek smiled, his countenance soft like spring flowers. “Common. Let’s get inside.”

Daniel nodded, and noted that his seatbelt had already been unbuckled. They both got out of the car, not quite in unison; as it took Daniel a moment of hesitation to figure out how to open the car’s door. Once he was out, Derek had already walked around the car, and was waiting for him.

Then they both went through the familiar pathway of gaiting out of the parking lot, onto the sidewalk and through the front doors of the apartment complex, Derek leading the way but not walking ahead by very much. It was bright outside today, for once – the clouds had picked up, leaving a burning, glaring sun that unfortunately did not do much to warm the chilly air. The girl at the front desk was there, same girl as always, but she was currently busy helping someone so they simply walked to the elevator in silence.

Whilst waiting, Derek asked, voice low, “It’s not hard to walk, is it?”

“No… I’m just tired…” Those blue eyes watched the elevator door, and pressed the button for it to come down again – nonchalantly. “…Can I take a shower, once we’re up there?”

“Of course.” Derek answered, looking at the teenager standing beside him. “You live there too now, you know. And I’ll get your clothes washed, find you something to wear.”

“Okay. Thanks…” Daniel held in his yawn again. “After that… I think I’m just going to go to sleep… I’ll sleep on your couch, if that’s okay…”

“Definitely not. Sleep on the bed.”

“Are you sure?” Though he wanted to object, he was a little too tired.

The elevator had come down and opened – they both stepped in, and waited for it to close. Once it was shut, they had their privacy, if just for a few moments.

“I don’t mind.” Now that they were alone – Derek put his arm back around his boyfriend, holding him close, not wanting to be parted. The elevator reminded him of all the times he had yeaned to kiss Daniel, but couldn’t – not just the times they were alone at the elevator, but at school, when they were alone in his car, times in public when other eyes were watching them, and other various instances over the past months since they had first met. It made him ache with nostalgia, but now that they were together he supposed, there was no need for that sense of pent up frustration and desire. It had been like something he couldn’t have was being constantly waved in his face, although he still longed for it desperately. Now he was filled with peace at the fact he’d finally gotten what he had wanted, and he was a little giddy with the feeling, like a drunken man, though he wasn’t acting like it – not completely, anyway.

Daniel’s stomach went back to feeling like soda fizz, his insides tingling, deafened by the silence, the sound of their clothes brushing together seemed so much more louder than it should have been - and although he wasn’t quite as touchy-feely as Derek, he held the other boy back, adorning the fluttering sensation that filled him when they were close to each other like this.

“-I’ve wanted to kiss you on this elevator,” Derek said, breaking the silence. “For awhile now…”

The words made Daniel a little more anxious. But a sneaky smile formed on his face, and he almost wanted to laugh. “Then do it.”

Derek chortled, in surprise – looking at the boy, to see if he meant it.

“Hurry up. Before the elevator stops.”

Derek’s eyes sparked with amusement, and before Daniel knew it, he was thrust up against the opposing wall – Derek clasping both his hands above his head, restricting his movements, their bodies against one another, chest-to-chest, Derek pinning Daniel there so that he was in a helpless position. With Derek leaning against him like a powerful tide, into his body, their groins touching, Daniel felt his crotch flare with a new kind of arousal.

Before he had time to really comprehend the situation, Derek’s lips were on his – Daniel melted at the feeling of it, as Derek’s lips teased and suckled on his own. In the distance of his mind, Daniel could feel their hips against each other’s, creating a deliciously light friction that drew out and chafed at his desire like a small ember, burning in his lower stomach, every addition of touch kindling that fire inside him. That wonderful tongue flicked out, running against his lower lip, almost a ticklish sensation, coating him in that smooth texture, just a second of caressing, before Daniel felt himself obliging and his mouth opening against Derek’s lips, eyes closed. And then Derek’s tongue slipped into the warm bowel of his mouth, the textured, lukewarm surface against his tongue, and Daniel knees almost weakened, as he used the wall to keep himself steady.

Their little session had to be broken up, though, only a few seconds after it began – as the ding of the elevator arrival sang – and Derek immediately pulled back. Luckily for the both of them, no one was in the hallway or waiting for the elevator to arrive on the other side. Derek seemed flustered, more breathless than he should have been, in a rare moment of weakness. But he smiled regardless, in that warm way he only seemed to smile when he was with Daniel, beaconing for the boy to follow him with his hand, almost wavering where he stood, before leading the way out of the elevator and into the corridor that led to his apartment.

Once they were inside, Derek locked the door – and hugged his boyfriend from behind, keeping him from wandering off to the kitchen – he was thirsty.

He ran his lips down Daniel’s neck, a tingle of a feeling that left a trail of goosebumps on his skin. Daniel enjoyed the way it felt when Derek’s arms were wrapped around him in this manner, comfortably and securely, the weight of them slung around his upper waist and chest, as if Derek wanted to hold onto him forever, clinging on like a child with their favorite stuffed toy. The simple inquiry was whispered. “Are you hungry?”

“A bit…” He hadn’t eaten since breakfast at the hospital, which had looked so unappetizing that he let most of it get cold.

“I’ll make dinner, while you’re taking a shower...”

“Alright.” Derek kissed his cheek amorously, and Daniel’s stomach filled with butterflies. “I’m thirsty, though.”

“Go have a drink. I’ll try to find some clothes that’ll fit you.” Derek let go of the boy, and walked around Daniel, looking him over, as he held his chin in his hand in thought. “I grew a lot when I was a junior, but when I was a sophomore I was probably the same size as you.”

“Really?” Daniel had a hard time imaging Derek at his eye level. Not that 5’7 was extremely short, but – he was used to Derek being taller.

The blond chuckled lightly. “Really. Actually I might have been shorter… But I know Jack and I used to be at eye level.”

“I have a hard time seeing that.”

Derek seemed amused by Daniel’s disbelief. “I’ll get you some pictures.”

“You should.” It elated his curiosity – the thought of seeing Derek as a child. It was pleasant to try and paint an image of him as a little boy – bright blond hair and grass green eyes, ivory skin, pale lips, and a little school uniform; like the wealthy children who went to private schools wore; and especially the wealthy children in New York. In their finely pressed uniforms, school students stood in crowded corners, waiting for the bus to pick them up and take them home. It was an image he had seen a handful of times while going through Manhattan, at a different point in his life, and it fascinated him, how uniformed and proper they all looked, quite unlike himself when he was a young boy. The idea of this seemed to fit with Derek’s wealthy background well – maybe he would ask him later if he’d attended a private school.

They separated, Derek to go look for some clothes in his room, and Daniel sat at the kitchen island, sipping a cup of water idly. It was a little tempting to go through Derek’s refrigerator and eat something, but he felt that would be too rude, even if they were now ‘living together’ – it was still Derek’s apartment. He was the one paying for it. Even if Derek was trying to make him feel like they were officially ‘sharing’ it now, Daniel felt it would always be Derek’s apartment, that he was the guest, and that he should respect it as such. And Derek deserved as much respect as humanly possible for this enormous favor.

Looking around, the boy’s apartment was, as usual, amazingly clean. Everything was organized. Even things that seemed insignificant. From his dishes to the plates to the books on his shelf (organized by size) and his DVDs (organized alphabetically, since they were all the same size) it was something Daniel always noticed when he came over. When he moved something, and then went to put it back, he found that it had an exact location it was meant to be in, and it never took long to figure out where to put it.

I’m going to need to start being as neat as possible.

He played with the pepper shaker, moving it around in his boredom.

No more throwing clothes on the floor for me…

A wave of slight anxiety motioned through him, in the undercurrent of his belly, as his fingers ran around the shiny rim of the metal cap.

I don’t really know how long I should stay here.

I can’t stay here forever…

But I have no where else to go, and I’d have to drop out of school in order to pay for a fucking apartment. And I’m underage, so that’s going to be a huge headache. But I only have a little while until I’m 17, and then only a year before I’m 18…

It makes me feel guilty, I shouldn’t depend on him so much.

I really don’t want to make him miserable or tired.

I wonder what my mom’s going to think, when she realizes that I’m gone for good?

Tomorrow, they were going to go back to his house, where they would pick up his essentials really – and leave the unimportant shit. So that meant, mostly his clothes, his school books, some personal items, his car, and that was it. The rest would stay there. The furniture, his shitty miniature television from the 70s that hadn’t been turned on in at least 2 years, and the bed would probably stay there too – that damn mattress was so antiquated, it made his back ache anyway, the springs pushed up into his spine like curled knives. When his parents realized he was gone, he figured they would throw out the rest. What did it matter to them?

It’ll be like I was never born.

Daniel bit into his lip with the thought, setting his chin over his folded hands, musing his mother’s reaction with a vague countenance that was hinting at sadness. Mostly, he was bitter that his life with his family couldn’t be… better, somehow. Loving; like it was supposed to be. It was as if his family had never really existed; like he’d been living in a house with heartless strangers his whole life.

Will they give a shit at all?

Probably not…

I just shouldn’t think about it…

He wasn’t sure whether or not his mother would report him as ‘missing’ to the police. But if she did, that would create an interesting array of problems – so it was probably just better to leave a note, with a small goodbye, detailing of his leave and how he wouldn’t be returning; without mentioning the location of Derek’s apartment. If his mother really cared, she could contact the school and track him down easily – because he’d still be going to school.

If not, he would remain a missing person who wasn’t really missed at all.

And that was just fine by him, because it meant that Derek wouldn’t have to get tangled up in the bush fire of his moronic family. The further those two subjects were away from each other, the better.

In truth, Daniel wasn’t nervous of his mother reporting him as missing to the police. He highly doubted that she would, she never had before the other times he had gone missing, and if he left a note with the necessary entrails it was even less likely she’d do anything. He’d always threatened to run off, and now it seemed that it was finally time to pack his things and go for good. There were many other kids who moved out at 17 (whatever, he was ALMOST 17); so why couldn’t he? Although he wasn’t quite sure what he should do with therapy, if he should keep attending or not, but he decided to keep going, as he was legally bound to keep attending until his ‘problems’ disintegrated, and skipping out would alert the damn police the fastest.

I feel like a criminal.

…Running away from all this shit.

As his thoughts continued to trail off in a semi-circle, Derek returned, with some clothes folded under his arm.

“I hope these’ll fit,” Derek said, with some anticipation. “You’ll have to wear my boxers, I guess. Erm. Don’t worry, everything’s clean.”

Somewhat embarrassed by the mention of Derek’s underwear – he took the clothes from the boy wordlessly, sifting through them. Dark colors. The clothes weren’t tatty or anything, actually they looked quite new. No holes or rips or tears. The boxers were grey with thin white lines. Somehow he had expected that.

“I gave Jack a lot of my old clothes. I used to have more…”

“This is fine,” Daniel said, making note that one of the two shirts Derek had given him was thankfully long sleeved, as he didn’t want to request one and draw attention to it. It’s only for a day anyway... “Thank you.” And he meant it.

But exhaustion continued to waver through him like a thick fog over his eyes. “Can I take a shower now?”

“Don’t ask permission,” Derek said. “Just go ahead. And use whatever you want.”

“Derek,” Daniel paused, looking down at the folded clothes in his lap, playing with the fabric, as if embarrassed to face the blond. The emotion he felt was strong, made his throat tighten as if with remorse, but as powerfully as he could feel it, moving inside him as if it were a tangible, living creature, it was impossible to translate it into words. “Thank you… for everything. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you. Just thank you so much for… for everything you’ve done.” A little tipsy with his emotions, Daniel decided to look up at his boyfriend, hesititatingly – and Derek’s countenance was full of warmth that reminded Daniel of the summer sunshine, like a long ray of sunlight that kissed his flesh whilst he lingered in the cool air.

“…You’re so cute,” Derek responded, his voice low, not teasing, like the way he usually said it. Right now it sounded like he was taking those words out of a profound part of his soul. And that made Daniel’s stomach twitch, his face burn – and he hoped, in the back of his mind, that he wasn’t red. “I hate to live alone… I would much rather have you live with me. So you’re-” Derek broke his sentence, to clear his throat, a touch of awkwardness. “You’re doing me a favor too…”

“Why do you hate to live alone?”

“I get… heh,” Derek moved some of his blond hair out of his face. He seemed… suprisingly nervous, as humane as he’d ever been, and it filled Daniel with liquid heat and made him want to hold Derek tightly and never let go. “I get really lonely…”

“Oh.” That response had been stupid, but he didn’t know what as to say, at first. Suddenly he felt bad for Derek – although he had felt loneliness quite often himself, the thought of Derek being lonely – made him feel more pain. Musing a better reply, for a moment, Daniel licked his lips before responding. “Hopefully… I can keep you from being lonely.”

“I’m sure-” Derek gave a small smile – and reached out, to brush Daniel’s bangs from his forehead – and cup his cheek lovingly, brushing against it with his thumb in supple strokes, whispers and hints of sensations that left Daniel aching for more. “I’m sure everything will work out just fine.”

-

-

It felt very nice. A hot shower, that was. After a week’s worth of stress – a shower was what he needed. The water rinsed away his worries, even if just for a few moments, letting them spiral and disappear into the drain. Pindrops of water slipped down his flesh, akin to dewdrops on leaves in the chilled morning, clinging on for a moment’s time and then falling to make way for the next. The heat soaked through his skin, into his bones and poured warm liquid into his blood, the steam of water making breathe somehow come easier and more relaxed; his heart having slowed down with the height in temperature. Daniel fumbled a bit with Derek’s different soaps, but it wasn’t anything too complicated to figure out, and he was soon lathed in a soap that smelled of lilacs. It was actually a girl’s soap, Daniel noted in his haziness, but it smelled nice and was a scent he was accustomed to associating with Derek. It made him giddy. He liked it.

Soap and water rinsed the filth from his body, cleansing him as if he were being baptized, and he felt fresh, anew, even if he was thoroughly exhausted.

Stepping out of the shower, Daniel stood there for a moment, looking around to see where the towels were. Once he found them, he began wiping himself languidly, sleepily moving the towel around his hair, getting the excess out, though his hair was still quite damp afterwards. The fabric moved around his body a few times, until he decided he was dry enough. Once that was done, he set the towel aside, and inspected Derek’s old clothes – wondering if they would fit as he did.

They don’t look that big.

Well.. I guess we’ll see.

Boxers were on first. These were probably not old (no sense in keeping old ones. Those went in the garbage), and they definitely were a bit too loose. The pants weren’t as bad and fit him well enough. The shirt was a little too long at the sleeves, but that was it. The clothes were made of a comfortable cotton material, the long sleeved shirt was a dark brown and the pants were a simple black. It was cozy.

Although Daniel wanted to collapse on Derek’s bed right at this moment, the bathroom needed to be cleaned up first. He sighed at the mess he’d made of it, and wiped down where water had accidentally strayed with the towels he’d already used, and then put said towels into the hamper. Daniel figured since Derek was such a neat freak in everything else, that the boy washed his towels and clothes religiously. He finished with organizing when he figured it looked as close as possible as how it had been before.

Then he left the bathroom, walked the short distance to the bed and collapsed right on it. No unfolding of blankets, no trying to find a comfortable position. Sleep captured him like a drug, intoxicating him into nothingness until everything faded into an enveloping, warm ebony.

-

-

When Daniel awoke, he awoke to someone touching his shoulder – moving him lightly, in a somewhat annoying manner that broke apart his sleep escapade like scattering marbles, rolling and rolling away, one by one.

“Hmp??”

“Daniel, wake up. You should eat.” That shaking persisted – and he could smell something. And that something smelled like chicken. “You haven’t eaten all day. I made some food.”

A part of him felt a prick of indigestion – but rather than hunger, Daniel instinctively knew it was because Derek was touching him. And that they were alone; Derek, sitting beside him, on his bed, even as he roused from sleep, in a dimly lit room, at night. His face flushed, and the nervousness that came would never let him fall back asleep again, anyway. So he opened his eyes tiredly, pupils adjusting to the new light.

Derek was looking down at him – upside-down, his expression one of concern.

“Hi.”

“..Hi,” Daniel replied back. “Just…” A yawn fled him – and covered his mouth with his hand, wetness forming at the corners of his eyes. “Give me a second…”

“Alright…” Derek moved back, and added sheepishly, “Sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s fine…” Unfortunately his throat was still as sore as it had been when he’d fallen asleep. Maybe it would be better tomorrow – if it wasn’t tomorrow right now. The blinds were opened, and Daniel saw that it was dark outside, as he motioned to sit up and stretch out a bit. “…How long have I been asleep?” he asked.

“Well…” Derek paused. “You went to sleep at around 2… and it’s 10.”

Oh. Shit. Daniel looked on Derek’s nightstand, at his alarm clock – and it read 10:07. “Sorry.”

Derek chortled. “Stop apologizing. Here-“ he handed Daniel the plate he’d been holding. It was chicken. Grilled, actually, and sliced up, with some rice. White rice. “I didn’t know if you wanted ketchup or not.”

“I like honey mustard, actually.”

Derek thought for a moment. “I’m not sure if I have any… I’ll check,” He got off from where he’d been sitting on the bed, and left the room.

Daniel simpered to himself, now that he was alone, and lay back against the pillows. The bed was very, very comfortable, like heaven on his back; it was so much nicer than his mattress at home. So much nicer in fact, that his back actually felt like it had somewhat healed, from all those years of abuse. He’d only slept on Derek’s bed once before, and he’d forgotten how wonderful it actually was. It was almost too easy to fall asleep on it. Staying awake was a challenge, even in his nervousness.

He pushed a piece of chicken to his mouth, staring up at the ceiling, and chewed.

And of course, there was Derek; Derek and his beautiful face and body, his statuesque form, that blond hair, creamy skin and his green eyes – his boyfriend, his and no one else’s. It made him bite his lip to keep from smiling giddily.

I feel almost too happy. It’s strange.

I’m not used to this.

This chicken is really good. He mused, after swallowing – and had another piece.

Derek reappeared, with a bottle of honey mustard. He also had another plate. So they were going to eat together. In his room. On his bed. Alone. Daniel’s stomach twitched.

“I have to get the drinks. Let me guess. Juice?”

Ignoring that teasing tone, he inquired, “You don’t mind eating on the bed?”

“I don’t care,” Derek shrugged. “I don’t want you to have to get up.”

Awwwww. Daniel felt loved. “Yes. Juice. Do you have grape?”

“Yup,” Derek grinned, and flicked Daniel’s nose playfully, to which the boy snorted in surprise and chuckled.

Derek left, and returned again with the juice, and 2 forks this time. He set the drinks and forks on the nightstand, hopped onto the bed, and cuddled up next to his boyfriend – snuggling him and wrapping his arms securely around Daniel’s body.

Daniel had to finish chewing his food, before asking,

“…Are you always this cuddly?”

“Does it bother you?” Derek asked.

“No. It doesn’t. I’m just… not.”

“Well then, yeah, I am. Kind of. I dunno,” he seemed embarrassed. “I like touching you.”

Are you implying something? Daniel thought, keeping his blush down as he drank some grape juice.

After realizing the possible implication to what that meant, Derek fumbled on his words. “Not like that—I mean – uh-“

Daniel had never seen Derek look quite that flustered before; and it made him laugh, which did nothing to ease his boyfriend’s discomfort. Actually his cheeks were soon pretty red.

“Ahaha! You’re blushing!” He pointed out, as if it weren’t obvious.

Derek covered his cheeks with his hands and looked away, as if in shame. “I know. Damnit.” He hopped off the bed and went to the bathroom, and splattered some water onto his face.

Daniel poked at his rice, and then shoveled some into his mouth. And chewed. Slowly. Derek came back and hopped back on the bed. Daniel noticed that the bed didn’t move whenever Derek moved. Actually nothing moved. Not even the plates.

“…Is this one of those tempur-pedic mattress things?”

“Yeah.” The teenager confirmed. “I figured since I’m fucking rich, I might as well buy something nice that I’ll use every day.”

“How much was it?”

“I don’t think you want to know.”

Daniel shrugged. He was almost done with his chicken. “Well… it’s the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on.”

“It damn well should be, for how much it cost.” Derek hugged his boyfriend again, cuddling up against him. “You don’t have to buy a mattress or something… there’s plenty of room.”

The thought of sleeping with Derek every single day practically terrified Daniel. “No-I’ll get a mattress. Probably one of those blowup ones.”

“You really don’t have to…” Derek trailed off, sounding almost disappointed at this. But the other boy wouldn’t be budged on that.

Derek began eating around the time Daniel was finishing.

“Your apartment is so fucking clean.”

Derek was in mid-chew when Daniel felt the need to point this out. The blond eventually swallowed, seeming a bit embarrassed.

“Yeah… I’m kind of…Actually maybe I should of told you this before.” He paused. “I have OCD.”

“Real OCD?”

“Real OCD. Diagnosed by a doctor.”

Although the disorder was well known, Daniel had never known anyone with it before personally – and he certainly hadn’t expected for Derek to have it. “Really?”

“Yeah. I used to go to therapy for it... a few years ago. I started developing it around the time Adriano and his friends bashed me on the head. That was when my eyesight went too.”

The thought of Derek in therapy felt bizarre to Daniel – but also brought him a weird sense of comfort to know they’d both gone through the agonizing experience of being forced to sit in a little office and be prodded at by some doctor who cared more about their paycheck than about helping you. Like the idea they were both a little bit ‘mentally unstable’ somehow could bring them closer together. The thought of telling Derek he was in therapy flashed through Daniel’s mind; but he shot it down quickly.

“That sucks. I’m sorry.”

Derek shrugged, burying his face into Daniel’s shirt. “Don’t be. I’m better now. It still makes me anxious when I see things that are… disorderly. But it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be.” He shrugged. “I used to wash my hands until I cut my skin open.”

“How do you even do that?”

“By scrubbing your hands together. Hard. For two hours.”

That is fucking bad. The surprised look on his face seemed to make Derek embarrassed.

“Sorry… I don’t want to seem weird to you.”

“You’re not weird.” Daniel immediately reassured, which seemed to make Derek feel a bit better. “I didn’t realize OCD could be like that.”

“Oh, it’s a disease because it pretty much fucks up your life. There’s nothing wrong with being a neat freak. Being a neat freak to the point of harming yourself is a problem.” Derek paused, musing how to string together his words. “I remember I wanted to cut my hands off. Because I always felt they were so dirty, or unpure, or… I don’t even know. Like the filth was distorting reality. I’d stay in the bathtub for hours, scrubbing myself clean. I felt like the germs were eating me alive. Being in classrooms would give me really bad anxiety because it looked so dirty. It was horrible.”

“…How long did it take to get back to normal?”

“About a year...” The blond rubbed the back of his neck. “My dad got me a really good doctor, so… At least I got the help that I needed. It was only after I was struck on the head that I started having these problems. And the migraines, too, heh. That’s another thing.”

Not really sure of what to say, Daniel slid down into the bed, and Derek adjusted himself appropriately, resting his chin on the boy’s chest. It was a pretty cute position and it made Daniel smile and ruffle that blond hair.

“Hey, I work hard to get my hair to look like this.”

“It feels nice…” Despite his protest, Derek didn’t do anything to stop Daniel’s hand from running through his hair, petting him as if he were a house cat. “Your hair is so soft.” I’ve never really liked blond hair. But I love his hair. I guess I just don’t like it on women…

“You can thank my Swedish ancestors for that.”

“Thank you Derek’s Swedish ancestors,” That made Derek chortle.

“My Greek family used to tease me for my hair. Both my brothers have – or had – dark hair. They would say to me ‘God! He’s so damn blond!’ and yell at my mom. They never did like that she married my father. They’d say stuff like ‘why couldn’t you marry the nice greek who lives down the street.’”

“Sounds like an interesting family,” Daniel thought out loud, nonchalantly. This was fun – just to listen to Derek ramble. He liked hearing him natter. And family was always an interesting subject; everyone’s was different.

“Oh yeah, you wouldn’t believe,” Derek rolled his eyes, and his boyfriend smiled.

“Are they still in New York?”

“Yup. Still in New York… Despite everything that’s happened, I guess. That’s where their restaurant is, right by Times Square.”

“Oh, it’s like one of those ethnic families who own a restaurant?”

This seemed to amuse Derek. “Yeah, like ‘one of those ethnic families’ type things.”

“Hey, don’t tease me,” Daniel replied, in his own defense. “It’s true. That’s what big ethnic families do. Start a restaurant. And try to teach other people their culture. Or something.”

“Yup, that’s what they all do.”

Daniel shoved a pillow onto Derek’s head, which made him laugh.

In turn, he took the pillow off, sat on top of Daniel and pushed him down into the bed, in a flurry of pillows and blankets. He then proceeded to shove a pillow into Daniel’s face, and Daniel put up his hands to block the pillow from smothering him.

“Hey. Get off me.” He said, looking up at Derek who was sitting on top of him, keeping him from moving away. He could feel Derek’s legs very intensely, wrapped around his lower body... And he found that he desired it too much, that he wished Derek was sitting just a little bit lower…

With a simper, Derek crossed his arms. “No. I quite like it here. There’s a nice view.”

“Am I supposed to be ‘the view’?”

Your cock is too close to mine.

God; I want to fuck him.

Arousal burned in his lower stomach, like an overflowing pot of boiling water.

Stop it. Look at his face. He’s not even thinking about what I’m thinking about.

“Maybe,” Derek smiled, and got off of Daniel, scooping up the plates – which had been empty for awhile now. “I’m going to go put these in the kitchen.”

Daniel nodded to this, and he was soon alone once again.

I’m tired…

After this realization, he yawned, and sank down into the bed.

Maybe I should sleep on the couch… I feel like I’m intruding.

Damnit.

It’s just awkward, to sleep next to him… we haven’t been dating that long…

It makes me nervous… Disquiet flickered in his eyes; like an elusive ember; which he then sealed tightly.

I’m going to end up staring at him as he sleeps…

He is so beautiful.

It was easy to recall the feeling of Derek’s hair in-between his fingers, the deliciously soft texture, and then on the elevator, those lips pressed to his…. Tongue in his mouth, moving in rhythm to his own.

This is going to be an interesting experience…

-

-

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