My Crush on Him

I stared out the window of the apparent bedroom. I was thinking of this boy again, the one in my class. He was really sweet, or so I thought. Everyone knew his name, at least everyone in my class did. I really liked him; it was just a small crush.

I knew he was taken by another girl, one better then me. She was like him, popular with friends. She wasn’t like me at all. I wished though, that I was like her, smart, pretty, rich, and popular, you know?

A small sigh parted my lips as I stared up at the moon. It was full tonight though clouds were moving in to cover the light of the beautiful shining moon. I glanced away for a moment to look over the city from my window. From here I could see everything, we up on the twelfth floor for the apparent building. We could see over all the following buildings which seemed so small from here but maybe it was just how I was looking at them.

I though of him as my eyes ran over the school bus stop. It was just a crush, but it hurt so much knowing that he would never feel the same way about me. My feelings now meant so much and were so strong but right now I just wanted them to go away. I shouldn’t have feelings for him, not a boy who was already taken, not a boy who was so far out of my league.

Teachers and family will tell you that you can get anything if you set your mind to it, but that’s not true. I knew that and they would too if they faced the real world, the world us teens lived in. The world was different for us. Adults can try all they want to relate and say they went through the same thing, but time changes and the way things work changes too - no, not always by much, but it does change and things get harder though some things get better, get easier too.

I shook my head and tried to stand up, but my body would not move. I could not try to walk away, I could not try to go to sleep and wish it all away. My body would not let me this time. It would not let me try.

He was still on my mind. His beautiful face shining through. His bright green eyes and messy brown hair, his sports jersey, his baggy shorts and cell phone he checked too often in his front pocket. He was lovely, perfect in my eyes. I knew though, in my heart that he wasn’t perfect though, I just wanted to see him that way. That’s how love was, love was blind, misleading.

I still had feelings for him though. My heart just kept wanting to hold on. These were the things I hated about what people called “young love”. It wasn’t worth it. Crushes and love wasn’t worth it right now. I should be interested in school, getting ready of college, getting a job, saving money for my car, getting my learners. The important things, love and unneeded crushes didn’t count as important and they never should.

Nothing made my feelings change. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I thought or tried to imagine, nothing changed. My feelings remained as clear as day and as stupid as stupid can be. I hated these feelings; I wanted them so desperately to go away.

I shook my head; I just had to keep a good head on my shoulders. I would get over these feelings soon too. Crushes never lasted forever; I knew that from past experiences. I knew I’d find another crush and I’d get over that one too. Just like all the other crushes I had had, this one and the last, I would get over it and my feelings for them would fade. I just hoped that my feeling for this boy too would fade soon.

I got up soon after pushing my thoughts away for the night. It was too late to fight with myself anymore. I just needed to relax and go to sleep for the night. Tomorrow was Monday and I’d see him again. My feelings would flare up more then they should and I’d have to fight to push them back into place. I needed all the sleep I could get for that fight I’d soon have to face again.

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