There was this Girl

She’s wild and crazy, loving and sweet. She’s everything I’m looking for. She’s everything I want. That’s what I thought until I learned the rest. She was all she seemed and so much more and not everything were for the better.

The more I learned about this girl, the more confusing she became. She was like a maze with so many twists and turned and dead ends I just couldn’t make it to the center; to the end.

I tried and I tried, taking turn after turn, but every time I learned something, every time I took another turn I’d make it to another dead end. The deeper I went into the maze the harder it got. I had to struggle with questions and answers, guessing and begging on luck to try and get the block to lift. This was a maze where you couldn’t just turn around and choose another path.

Still I wanted to learn more. I wanted to understand more about her. She was so amazing, her mind, the way it worked was so unique. She was so different compared to everyone else. That’s exactly what I liked about her.

I loved the trick, the way her mind worked, the greater understanding. I love learning more about her and I adore how she kept trying to make me stop.

I don’t care if she hates it though because she’s a girl I can never have. No matter how desperate she is she’s someone to whom I can never have. She doesn’t want me to be hers and she doesn’t want to be mine. She keeps telling me that she’s looking for something different; something that is not me.

I couldn’t place why but the mere thought of such a thing bothered me to some extend. I was pleased that she could be so honest with me but I hated how she wanted someone else. The thought of her with another else; the thought of her possibly getting hurt - I didn’t want to think of something like that happening and with her luck it would end up that way.

I wanted to be able to protect her but she didn’t want that from me. She wanted to just be friends and I’m not even sure she wanted that from me. I found her even now so hard to read though I had learned so much about her. She’s precious to me, but I’m not to her. I can not change that, her feelings are not mine to try and control. I’m not even willing to try.

So instead I’ll watch her while I can, but one day she’ll go away and it’ll be as if I never existed. It’ll be like I am just a memory; a faded memory in the furthest part of her beautifully complex mind. As much as that will hurt I know it will happen some day. I’m praying it’ll be sooner then later, for her sake.

The longer she knows me the harder it will be to let go. The harder it will be for us to go away. I know that she’s one to hold on even to things she doesn’t want. She’s one to hold them close, to protect them even if she doesn’t want too.

She’s merely too kind, too innocent. That’s what made me love her though, her mind, her personality, her dreams, her thoughts, her everything. I loved her and I always will, now and forever even after I am a forgotten memory in her past.

Still, I will always cherish the time I have with her. I will learn what I can from her and about her and teach her the things that are important. She likes the later idea, I know. Hopefully that will be enough.

Thinking back I don’t even remember how we met. Through so many things were happening, so many things were said, told. So much has happened and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

Should I be happy that we met, I fell in love with a girl I can never have, and to know that we will soon separate. Should I be happy that she will be pained by my memory if she is unable to forget it? Or should I call this a regret? Should I regret these feelings I hold for this beautiful girl?

I am no longer sure of how I should feel. I am no longer able to understand my own feelings towards her. She’s very important, but I feel that in the end I will bring her pain, a pain that no matter what I do I can never take away.

Maybe one day I will come to a better understanding. I pray though, that said day will come very, very soon because sooner or later will come all too soon.

I'm ashamed to say it, but this story came out quite...displeasing to myself. I was really quite tired when I wrote this so I feel it jumps tenses. Mainly from past and present tense and I do not like that at all. I absolutely hate it when something I write isn’t written to perfection.

Sadly though, my mind was quite unsteady while writing this. I assume that’s what happens when you get as tired as I am.

In closing I do honestly apologize. I hope that my horrible use of tenses hasn’t made the story too confusing. Please enjoy and I’d appreciate reviews. I don’t get many after all.