TEN WAYS TO KILL A HUMAN BEING

By slashing or drilling through the cranium or spine

That accounts for numbers ten through nine.

By slashing the body in pieces; cut off the fingers and toes

And leave it in the dirt to decompose.

By burning through the tissues and membrane with acid or flame

With the victim's family, do the same.

By puncturing the lungs or breaking the neck

Leave the corpse where no one will be sure to check.

By bullets or perhaps beating the brain

They may still be alive, but surely insane.

By suffocation or gouging of the eyes in a most brutal way

Make sure to beat their heads in to the consistency of soft clay.

By supplying ample amounts of booze or coke

So that when they die, you are high enough to crack a joke.

By the fine form of poison or the cold edge of a knife

This will make the end quick and neat, without leaving any life.

By way of locking them in the freezer, keeping the corpse free of rot

Which will not leave the smallest hint of blood, not one drop.

By letting them breathe in noxious fumes or gas

Then you will get many good laughs.

By submerging them in water or in concrete

This will make their end discreet.

By making them victims of a cult killing or mob hit

No one will think that you where the one who did it.

By way of crushing them or making it look like a suicide

To everyone else it would look like an act of the victim's mind.

By pushing them off the edge of a cliff or mountain

Perhaps it would just be easier to drown them in a mall fountain.

By electrocution or sending them out with metal in a lightning storm

Surely an act of God can't be considered a crime in any form.

By hanging them from the rafters of their basement or a tree

Truly a classical Hollywood tragedy.

By cutting off the head or severing torso; make it look like the murder of Sharon Tate

Be like Charles Manson and let your victims know it's already too late.

By eating your victim or using their skin for furniture

And no one will ever suspect you of murder.

By being creative and impaling them with a crucifix like they were a vampire

Who would expect you to be a liar?

By forcing a screwdriver in through the ear

The pain will be brief but severe.

By feeding them meal after meal and watch as their stomach bursts

Hopefully this will satisfy your blood thirst.