CJ was my second orange tomcat. I had been a small child when I got my first orange cat, and I’d sworn then that I’d have one for the rest of my life. When Cutie disappeared I was heartbroken; we never found his body so I had no closure. Not long after we had concluded that he was gone though, my sister brought a stray orange kitten home. My broken 13 year old heart soared and I named him CJ. He was such an affectionate kitten, and very attached to me. He would sit on my shoulders, wrapped around my neck while I did my schoolwork. He’d play with my pencil, follow me around the house, snuggle up anytime I sat down. He was my baby, and he was spoiled rotten.

Thursday, May 7th someone hit him on the road. Earlier that day I’d left Kentucky for a short flight up to the Chicago area to spend the weekend with my boyfriend. On the way home Saturday, my dad broke the news to me. Already upset over having to leave my boyfriend, the news that my baby was gone tore me apart. My mind circled around and around my memories of him, and then I realized that his bright, beautiful green eyes wouldn’t be there to greet me when I got home. That night was awful. I’d lost both of my boys in one day, one to distance and one to death, and I was broken. I didn’t sleep that night, and I barely ate for several days afterward. I was so numb that all I was capable of was being a ghost that night. The next morning, I went down to where my family had buried him. I couldn’t stand up, eventually collapsing into a bed of poison ivy, just crying and remembering.

It’s been two weeks since I was first told, and though for the most part I appear to be normal, I feel his loss deep inside. There are reminders of my baby everywhere: the pictures on my laptop, the doll of an orange cat that I got because it looked like him, the cat meds in the bathroom, the other two cats. I’ve always been fond of animal shows on TV; now they’re bittersweet to watch and I tear up when I see orange cats. When my mom sent me to the grocery store one day, I had the strongest urge to go to the pet store down the road. They had five beautiful orange kittens. They broke what little mending my heart had done and I sat alone in my car and cried.

My heartbreak is something anyone who has a pet will experience. Animals just don’t live as long as we do. It’s something we know in the back of our minds when we let the little critters into our hearts. We ignore it while they’re young and growing, and don’t even think about it until they’re old or sick. It’s amazing to me that we’re willing to brave such terrible pain and loss for a few years of happiness.

The bottom line is simple: animals are precious. They deserve our respect and love, and we love them unconditionally no matter what. They change our lives so easily and profoundly—any animal lover or pet owner can tell you. Let your baby know how much you love him, because in an unsuspecting second he can be gone and you will never be the same.