Joanna DaCosta works on coded messages. Or rather, she works on decoding messages. To be exact, Joanna works on writing computer programs that decode messages. DeSipherItt is a small, independent company, occupying an entire floor of an office building, in downtown Toronto. Joanna has worked with DeSipherItt since it's inception two years ago, and her seniority showed; Joanna owned her own, unshared cubicle.

"Robert," the man standing just outside the cubicle walls offered.

Joanna fixed her scewed glasses. "Joanna. How may I help you?" Robert entered, looked for a second chair, before akwardly sitting on a file cabinet.

A 3 inch Floppy Disk appeared from inside his jacket. "This disk contains a five-page document, scrambled. I need it back in the original," Robert explained.

"Magnets?" asked Joanna. Robert looked over his shoulder, confused.

"What?"

"Was your disk corrupted by magnets?" Joanna repeated.

Robert shook his head. "Oh. No. A coding software was used. Have you ever heard of SafetyDepositBox?"

Joanna chuckled. "Of course I've heard of SDB. You shouldn't be fooled by our small-time atmosphere, because everyone who works at DeSipherItt are very up-to-date on all commercial coding technology."

SafetyDepositBox had hit the market a few months ago, and had become popular in both the home and business settings. Consumers could purchase SDB for $19.99 from most computer stores, complete with five years of online upgrades and patches. With SDB, any text-based file could be coded, and locked with a password picked by the user. Finances, shopping lists, assignments for school: The user could scramble any word document, making it appear as gibberish to other users who lacked the password.

Reluctantly, Robert handed the disk to Joanna, which she popped smoothly into her computer. Joanna spun her chair, turning her attention from Robert to the monitor. With a few clicks, the file was open. Joanna scanned the document, and agreed that the file was indeed gibberish. Random strings of characters, spotted with occasional numbers and pock-marked with blank spaces. Joanna opened up from the desktop's corner a program of her own design, called ForReal?.

"What's that?" Robert asked.

Joanna waited, heard a positive ping, then grinned. A black box with a flashing green checkmark appeared on the screen. "Good news," offered Joanna. "This disk holds the original file, which is much easier to decode illegially-" Robert cringed "-than a copy would be. In a few minutes, this will be sorted out."

Joanna fixed her glasses again, which had begun sliding down her nose. "I'm sorry, Robert; What did you say was in this file?"

"I didn't," Robert replied simply. The words hung for a moment.

Joanna recovered, with a nod and a fresh smile. Judging from Robert's tension, Joanna guessed that the file had something to do with an unfaithful wife. Possibly money problems. Maybe being cut out of the will. "Here at DeSipherItt, we're very discreet. No need to worry."

Robert's eyes were urgent. "Can you start?" he asked.

Joanna double-checked the file's properties. "Ah. It's a Mircosoft Jotpad file." Robert nodded silently. Joanna turned away from the computer and towards Robert. "Let me tell you something that few Jotpad users know:

"Each character typed into Jotpad is assigned a set of variables. Variable A tells it where to look on the character map, to figure out what the character is. When you type an 'M' on the keyboard, Variable A records that your character is an 'M', not a '2' or a 'G'. Variable B kicks in after you type your second character, and records how long it took to type the second character, up to 200 seconds after the first. Variable C keeps track of deletions, to reveal how many typoes were corrected, for up to 60 typoes per character."

"So?" Robert asked impatiently, and Joanna ignored his blunt apathy.

"With Variable B, you can tell months after the document was written how fast the typist was, or was it all written in one sitting. With Variable C, you can add up all the deletions, divide by how many characters were typed altogether, and get a rough approximation of the person's accuracy. If you know how to access the Variables, you can have a rough profile of the typist. If you believe dear ol' athritic Granny typed up the last rendition of her will, but then use Variable B to figure out the typist was going at 98 WPM, you might have a fake."

Robert shook his head. "I'm sorry, Joanna. This is all very fascinating, but I'm in a rush. These things you're saying don't matter, because I already know who typed it. I'm just trying to unscramble the message."

Joanna shook her head in self-reproach. "Shoot; I forgot about Variable D."

"I see," Robert answered, even though he really didn't.

"See, when the message is being typed, each character is numbered one through infinity." Robert stared blankly. Joanna took a moment to think up an appropriate metaphor. "Okay, pretend it's a chain, with ten links. The chain breaks, but each link has been numbered one through ten. You can sort the links back into their original order."

"This is Variable D."

"Yes. What SafetyDepositBox has done is rearranged the original text." Joanna points at the jumbled text over her shoulder. "It's all here, just in a random order. There's two ways to fix it: You can enter the SafetyDepositBox password that was used to code the message."

Robert shrugged, before confessing, "I don't have it."

"I assumed you didn't," Joanna said. "You wouldn't come to freelance decryption firm if you did. The only way to fix this is to use a program that reads all the Variable Ds, and sorts them back into order, from one to infinity."

"To put the chain back together," suggested Robert, whom now understood that VariableD's importance.

"Remember a second ago, when I said it was lucky that you have the original? You couldn't decode it this way if it were a copy, because Variables B, C, and D all reset to zero when you copy. SafetyDepositBox can still decode a copy, but only if you have the password that was used to code it. You, on the other hand, do not have a copy. In your case, it can be fixed much easier, with this program that sorts out Variable Ds."

"Is this a real program, or are you talking hypothetically?" asked Robert.

"Oh, it's real. But, it's only available through our services." My services, to be specific, thought Joanna. It had taken her a while to realize the Jotpad variables existed, and several months more to write a program that could determine the variable values. Joanna had named the decoding program VariableDCode. Soon enough, Joanna planned on patenting her work, and liscense it to other decryption firms; for a price. Sooner or later, others would come to the same conclusions as Joanna, and write their own programs. For Joanna to market VariabeDCode, she'd just be speeding up the process, and earning money to boot.

"So." Robert's voice broke into Joanna's dream. "Can you run this program, and decrypt this document?"

A second positive ping emerged from the computer. Joanna smiled, realizing that Robert's text was now decoded. "I started it a while ago. Why do you think I've been talking all this time?"

"For your health?" Robert hazarded.

The printer activated and began printing. Robert stood up and grabbed the first page as it fed from the printer. Joanna went into a cabinet and pulled out a Cost of Services form, which she contently began filling out. "Will you be paying with cash or credit?" Joanna inquired.

"Do you guy's take cheques?" Robert asked absently, his attention entirely focused on the printout.

"Of course." Joanna finished filling out the form in silence while Robert anxiously picked up and read each page as it printed.

A few minutes later, Joanna stood up and coughed, grabbing his attention. Robert turned around, and looked very pale and clammy. His eyes darted around nervously, as he folded the five pages which were unceremoniously stuffed in his pocket.

Joanna's contentment at a job well done faltered. "Is everything all right?" Robert nodded, taking the form from Joanna's hands. After a quick read, Robert signed the bottom and filled out a personal cheque on the desk.

"I'm sorry if it's bad news. Do you want to talk about it?" Robert went over to the computer and closed all the programs, even Joanna's pre-existing game of Solitaire. "Hey!" Robert grabbed his disk from the computer, before switching it off. "What are you-!?" Robert turned to Joanna.

"This is government work. And it's classified. You are to speak to no one of this, or risk the security of this nation. Understand?" Baffled, Joanna nodded. Briskly, an anxious-looking Robert left the office without another word.

Joanna flicked her computer back on, before examining the cheque. Robert Lopez' cheque, along with surname, was made out to DeSipherItt, and also showed his home address. It seemed proper, but only the bank could tell if she'd been swindled.

Risk the security of this nation? thought Joanna. After the computer booted up, Joanna opened up the cache for VariableDCode. Robert's message lay, unencrypted, waiting to be read. "Let's see what I just decoded.."

The moment Robert Lopez was outside Joanna's cubicle, he began sprinting through DeSipherItt, heading for the elevator. Robert's coded document, now pressed tightly in his pocket, was indeed grave news. Robert needed to warn somebody important. It was an emergency on the national scale, and Robert knew firsthand that the situation could turn dire. Once outside, Robert decided to pick up his handgun from his appartment, before heading over to Parliament.

* * *

-Originally posted August 27th 2006

EDIT: There was supposed to be more to this story but I never got around to finishing it. Robert's like a secret agent, and Joanna was gonna help him unravel a mystery about a Canadian conspiracy and zombies. I am being serious. Stop looking at me like that.