Mr. Sebastian T. Jake of Nottingham Street was a man of no consequence. Weak-willed, spindly and incoherent at times, Sebastian was a dreadfully, dismally dull duddard. There was not a single interesting facet of this man’s existence, nor a single feat that the curly-headed, balding thirty-something-year-old could perform – save for being the aforementioned shade of dull. The cause of Sebastian’s horrifying amount of dullness was his job; Sebastian Jake was a chartered accountant, a profession so steeped in dullality that it would be nearly impossible to rip oneself of this quagmire and aspire to be something greater, say a lion tamer.

Our story begins following Sebastian T. Jake to work. He left his work, locked the front door, ambled a third of a mile to the bus stop, dug around for the spare change in his pocket to pay for his bus ride, found the little indentation of his buttocks on the third seat to the left, found a similar imprint of his gluteus maximus in the chair at his cubicle, and shambled on with the monotony of chartered accountancy.

Sebastian T. Jake’s life became wholly changed when he took a sip of his hot tea. The boys from across the street, mischievous little imps unfettered with the pointless dribble of chartered accountancy, had snuck in the previous night and done their mischief to cause chaos and discord, as prescribed by our Lady Eris. When Sebastian T. Jake took that first sip of tea, then another, and another, and one more to follow the others down, the world began to change – subtly at first, then far more obtusely. The grey-ish-white walls of his cubicle began to swim before his eyes and the rivulets in his tea grew and grew and grew until there seemed to be no stopping their torrent. Everything became clear to Sebastian: it was imperative that he escape the confining walls of his cubicle, or else die. He tore down the inhibitors and then he began to wonder just how fun flying might be, so he hurtled out the nearest window. The sun seemed the most glowing yellow, and the grass the most vibrant green he had ever seen! The blue sky above him plunged down and became the ground and engaged in a battle for supremacy with the brown of the earth and that vibrant, vibrant green.

Sebastian chuckled.

Sebastian chuckled some more.

The beautiful baby blue sky was winning.

Sebastian felt bad for the green of the earth below, so he bellowed a cheer for it, but not too cheerful, as he didn’t want the blue to feel bad either.

Sebastian’s stomach started to hurt. He had forgotten to eat breakfast. And the sun was starting to hurt his eyes. He returned to the fight.

His support seemed to bolster the green, as it immediately swallowed up the blue in one gulp.

Then he clapped and smashed into the victor with a squishy splat! It then became apparent that a gorgeous crimson red was the winner after all, the furtive thing.