Past my midnight yet again,

Forgetting things out of sight,

Out of mind, out of heart

Starting over fresh after a space inserted. . .

In a hotel room, clad only in last night’s jacket,

Skirt, boots, top, no makeup except for lipstick,

Epiphany hits and explains the midlife crisis at teenage:

“you know all teenagers hate their lives,

and they hate your perfection,

and all that comes with it… you see the worst

of life, of everyone, and yet it doesn’t touch you.

You feel the worst pains, but you forgo them,

You feel indescribable hatred, and yet you still forgive and forget

Who committed the crimes of humane law,

But their scent still lingers while not touching your I n n o c e n c e …

And you were a china doll in a world of ‘civil’ war and games.

Nothing could touch your utopia.

Nothing could hurt you.

Nothing and no one in the whole world would dare touch you.

You saw your life like an outsider looking in,

You felt like you never existed, even though some touches still hold you

As if they never lifted their hands from you.

Everyone else has flaws they think are hidden

And they accuse you of being unclean,

But you see through their bluff all the blood and hate

They carried but concealed.

They were, of course, jealous [and hateful] of all you had

But never thought much of.

You had everything you could dream of

And the outside world was and still is just a dream for you.

You want more than just two best friends, several close friends,

And an endless list of acquaintances;

A good fortune which only needs your key to open its door;

A family who would do anything and everything for you;

Admirers both in your face and under your nose, right and left;

An iron will to be anything and everything to yourself and nobody else;

And most of all, you wanted something but never could explain why and what.

You were hated secretly for this unvoiced greed,

But you knew all along, didn’t you?

What you wanted most was a reason to be angry,

A reason to be dissatisfied and sad and feel like tearing the world to shreds,

A reason to hate and a reason to love,

You wanted more than anything to not be an untouchable china doll in a world of war.

And so now, you know why you feel dissatisfied and frustrated with your perfect life.

You have absolutely no reason at all to be unhappy.”

But even princesses need a break, right?

Yes, for sure, who doesn’t?

I’m not going to get mine until I win this imaginary fight.

How do you know when you’ve won?

When I get to rest.