A/N: Presenting my newest story, Last Winter! Sure, it’s a little sadistic of me to be making a young girl die of cancer when she’s barely into her teens, but I got the idea after attending a charity dinner on childhood cancer organized by my college back in February – and to me, it’s a good topic to explore (into the minds of those suffering from cancer). I believe many of these cancer patients have a common mindset that they will definitely die from the disease plaguing them, especially the young ones, since they don’t really know much about the technology available to treat them. Besides that, I think that childhood cancer is a really sad thing to happen to kids, as they haven’t even enjoyed life to the fullest yet, but these malignant killers sap their life away – same goes to chemotherapy, although it’s meant to cure them.

But anyway, I’ve talked too much. :P I hope you enjoy the story, and reviews are greatly appreciated!

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“Tessa, are you in there?” A familiar voice entailed after a string of soft knocks on the door. I continued to look out of the window at the white snow that was slowly falling to the ground, hardly interested in answering. I just had my chemotherapy, so I didn’t want to see anyone because I felt like every last bit of energy has been sapped out of my body.

“I know you’re in there. I’m coming in.” The door of my private ward clicked open, and a tall, blond, ponytail-haired girl strolled into the room, dressed in her favourite red-striped spaghetti strap top and denim miniskirt.

“Hey Mia... You could’ve just entered from the first knock you know.” I smiled at her weakly. Mia was my best friend since I was young, and I can’t bear to show her my pained expression nor reprimand her for disturbing me on such a beautiful snowy day. I immediately turned to look outside when I felt a splitting headache. It was so hard to hold in the urge of throwing up. Damned medicine.

“Tessa, why do you still refuse to let our classmates visit you?” Sigh... Not this topic again. Why is it that Mia wants the rest to see me in this condition so badly?

“Mia... we’ve talked about this for the thousandth time. Give it a rest already...” my voice trailed as my body reacted to the antineoplastics again.

“It’s not like you don’t know that they care about your condition, right?” I just kept silent. I’m seriously unable to muster any strength to talk anymore, and just lay on my pillow without even looking at Mia from the moment she entered my room. So much for treating my best friend this way, huh?

“Alright, alright. I’ll drop the subject for now. Get some rest okay?” she sighed, and I heard the hinges of the door creak, followed by a soft click. She’s gone.

Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks, just as slow as the snowflakes falling to the ground. I just can’t help it whenever I think about the fact that I’m suffering from brain cancer. And I know my time is running out, and fast. Why am I cursed with this fate? I haven’t even enjoyed life yet. This disease has given me nothing but countless headaches, and the chemotherapy isn’t making things any better. I’ve lost count of the number of times I screamed while undergoing chemotherapy. I wished that the doctors would just stop whatever they’re doing, and just let me meet my end already. It’s not like I have a high chance of surviving the cancer anyway. “She only has a 20% chance of making through it.” – or so they said. Even they themselves are not sure about it, so what hope should I have? Am I supposed to pray for a miracle to happen?

I chuckled at the thought of the word “miracle”.

“Yeah, right. As if that’s gonna happen. Get real, Tessa. God has already abandoned you by giving you a terminal disease that has almost no possibility of a cure. And now you want a miracle?” the devil in my mind like in the cartoons sneered sarcastically – and the angel was nowhere to be seen. Maybe God really has abandoned me...

Besides not wanting to let my classmates see my horrible condition – the chemotherapy drug already stripped most of my hair off; no way in hell I’m going to let anyone record how I looked before I breathe my last – I also refused almost any visitors except my core family members and Mia because I’m getting tired of listening to words like “We’ll be praying that you’ll get better soon.” or “We’re looking forward for you to come back to class and study with us again.” from the others. I know they’re trying to make me feel better, but who are we kidding? It’s pretty much crystal clear that I’m going to die soon, and I’m fully prepared for it. I think.

With the thoughts still running around in my already-hurting head, I fell asleep due to the extreme exhaustion.

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One of the nurses, Sister Camille woke me up after what seemed like just minutes because it was time for my medication. I looked up at her with a pained expression.

“Do I really have to eat these?”

“Yes, dear. It’ll help you prolong your life.” Being one of the nurses who always looked after me, she knew perfectly what I was thinking about since I always complained to her.

“What’s the use of lengthening my life when I’ll die soon anyway...? It’ll just add on to my misery...” I mumbled.

“Now, now. You’re not supposed to be so pessimistic, you know.” Sister Camille placed both of her hands on her waist and faked that as if she was reprimanding me.

“Okay sister...” I pouted and stifled a laugh. Looking at the tablets and capsules placed in my palm, I hesitated and eyed Sister Camille again. It’s no good – even though I’m the closest with her, she’s not going to leave until she makes sure that I’ve swallowed them. What can I say? I’ve been caught throwing my pills out of the window once, and all the nurses that are supposed to give me my medication were instructed that they were to wait till I eat them before they can leave the room. I sighed as I picked up my glass of water, and gulped all the pills down at the same moment. Now I just have to wait till the effect kicks in and make me go through hell. Not like I haven’t had enough of it yet.

“Now that’s a good girl. Go get some rest so that you won’t get the worst out of the effects.” She patted my head lovingly, picked up the tray, and left the room.