Chapter 16- Degimpification

So I chopped trees and chopped trees and chopped trees and chopped trees and chopped trees and teabagged a tree for a minute and chopped trees!

"You have defeated tree. You gain 0 experience points."

"My ass I gain 0 experience points!" I said in vein as I attempted to communicate with the spiteful bastard, which is god.

Contemplating my next move I decided that the next thing to do would be to ask for help.

(But who...?)

"Hey, you over there! Guy with the sparkling shoulderpads of meteoric blasting, can I ask you a question?"

"Wtf iz it n00b?" said Chubbychaser747 "I'm trying to get a necromancer to shadow warp me into the Blood Elf Fortress and I'm all out of channeling crystals."

"Well, nothing much really I just need to know why the trees are no longer giving experience points."

"Teh fuck, r u serious n00b!? U don't gain shiz from chopping down trees in security lvl 1! Once u get past teh first achievement tier u at least gotta go to security lvl 2!"

"Ok, well can you tell me where that is at?"

"It's right outside the town gate, but u can't go there cuz u hav liek 3 ac. And besides, didn't u know that psod has liek plus three agi, plus four mana regen, a half a second faster recharge cycle, and can be equipped two lvls earlier?"

"Yeah, I fucking know!"

"Well, there ya go. Quit bein a gimp, then u can chop higher lvl trees."

"But, how do I do that? Is there anybody who can train me how not to be a 'gimp'?"

"Lol, there's one person giving tips for free, but don't say I didn't warn u." he said as he pointed towards a stormy castle on a faraway mountain.

"Ah fuck, not another king!"

"No, not just ne king. That iz teh L33t King!"

"Wow, so is there any way I can get to this number guy without running through an endless labyrinth with a minotaur's horn sticking out of my ass?"

"Jus follow the mythiril road..."

"Follow the mythiril road!" said Mr. Random Out-of-Place Midget.

"Follow the mythiril road! Follow the mythiril road! Follow the mythiril road! Follow the mythiril road! Follow the mythiril road!" said Mr. Random Out-of-Place Midget right before getting choked unconscious.

"Ok, easy." I thought to myself "I'll get to this king guy, do a few stupid missions, and then I'll get a bigger ax or whatever to chop more trees."

(If you've paid any attention so far you should know our protagonist is screwed unless of course you have been smoking weed this entire time.)