Chapter 17 - If I Only Had a Sword

"Golly gee willikers, I wonder which way to go?" I said as I reached a fork in the road about 30 feet down the path to the Enchanted Elven Forrest.

"Hey, guy hanging from the vine, do you happen to know which way to go?" I said looking for an answer.

"R U fkin srs n00b?!" said Grindquestpimp247.

"Fine, but you don't have to be so much of a poopeey pants about it!" I said as I hacked away at the vine with the Abysmal Sword of Annialation.

(WHAAAAP! KLAAANG! KURPLOW!)

After a few minutes the vine finally receded allowing poopey pants to drop to the ground safely.

"Ok, NOW can you tell me which way to go?"

"I don't know." said Grindquestpimp247 with a shrug.

"Why not?" I said slightly annoyed from him wasting my time.

"Cuz I don't even hav enough gold yet to buy a mana draining death katana."

"Well, what about this shitty one?" I said offering my sword graciously.

"Lol, r u fk'in srs?" said Grindquestpimp247 "I can do moar dmg then that with my default falcon punch special attack."

"Well, what could you do if you did have a sword?" I said completly unaware of the giant can of worms I just opened.

"Well... I could..."

"Raid on any castle"
"Hack demons without hassle"
"Fend off the bloody horde (doodoo-pee-doo-pee-doodoo!)"
"And the xp I'd be rackin'"
"As my weapon's busy whackin'"
"If I only had a sword..."

(Second verse, not like the first...)

"Seriously, dude."
"what can I say?"
"Your dance is pretty fuckin' gay..."
"But if you don't [dramatic pause] bust another song"
"Then I guess you can come along..."

"Oh, I could..."

"Raise my crit percentage"
"Proc on for the finish"
"Be defender of the world (doodoo-pee-doo-pee-doodoo!)
"And the ogres I be killin'"
"As the blood is steady spillin'"
"If I only had a sword..."

(End faggotry)

"Wow, if only we had more douchbags like you back at the encampment I could chop all the trees I want and not even have to see this L33t king guy." I said as I proceeded to facepalm at the information I just gave away.