The Hardest Words To Say
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One-shot by Tatiana Knight
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I stood in the terminal of the airport, my hands clutched at my sides, trying my hardest not to think about why I was standing there. He was standing next to me, his camouflage duffel bag at his feet and backpack on his back. He wore normal clothes, but his depressed expression said everything.

He was leaving and he might never come back.

A monotone voice echoed through the terminal; it was dull and I didn't pay attention to most of what it said. The voice wasn't announcing his flight, and we had a little more time left. We stood there for awhile, just looking at the shops and people.

“Hey, my flight's not for a while. Let's sit down.” He bent down and grabbed his duffel from the ground and carried it to a row of plastic seats, tossing it under the seat before flopping into it. When I didn't move, he patted the one next to him, “Come on, it's not gonna bite ya.”

I shuffled to the seat and flopped down like he did and just sat in silence as people walked by and time passed. As time ticked away and his flight time grew closer, I slowly gathered up the courage to bring up what we had come here for.

“Rod?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you scared?”

“Of what?”

“... Dying.” I said the word in a small voice, as if it were a cuss word I didn't want our mother to hear.

He sighed, “Yeah, I am.”

“Then why did you sign up?”

“I wanted to. No matter how scared I am now I wanted to do this. I'm scared now and I'm sure I'll be scared two days before I come home again. It's just how this whole thing works.”

“What... what if you do, ya know... die?” I asked.

I could hear Rod gulp at the thought, “You'll go on. Take care of mom and Grams. Dad and Pop will cry the first day but you know how they are, they'll pretend to be strong but while you and mom and Grams aren't around, they'll cry. You'll just have to make sure you don't let none of this effect you.”

Hearing his words made the first tears come to my eyes, tears I tried hard to hide but he knew they were there. “Don't cry, Abs. Yeah, I'm leavin', but it doesn't mean I'm gonna die.” When one streaked down my cheek he said, “You're using those tears too early. I'm not dead yet, and you're crying like I am.”

“You can't go.”

“Then I'd be going AWOL and be thrown in jail for desertion.”

“Well at least you're in jail, where your safe.”

“Until I drop the soap,” he joked.

I tried not to laugh at his joke but couldn't help it; he knew exactly what jokes to use to make laugh. “Thats not funny.”

“Obviously it was.” He chuckled as he put his arm around my shoulder. “I'll be safe.”

As if on cue the monotonous voice announced his flight was boarding. I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath before opening them and standing up. He stood up right after and dropped his backpack onto the ground. Without any words, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly; so tight I felt like the air in my lungs was being squeezed out but I welcomed his hug. It'd be the last hug for a year... if not forever.

When we parted he picked up his backpack and put it on his back and picked the duffel off the ground. “Bye.” He said, his voice cracking slightly as he turned away from me and headed into the terminal.

I stared after him, a goodbye stuck in my throat as I watched my big brother go.