CHAPTER SIX

“How’d it go?” Orion asked as we sauntered into the library. He was sitting in the recliner with a book in his lap. “Oh, what happened?” He could tell by the look on our faces that not all had gone according to plan.

“Well, we got the diamond,” I said, starting with the good news.

“What happened to your arm?” Orion jumped out of the chair, causing the book to fall to the floor. He came up to me and I let him see my wound. “We should go to Animagia.”

“I’m too tired for all that, Orion. Can you just take care of it for me, please?” The last thing I wanted to do was go to the hospital wing of Animagia and deal with the doctors and paperwork. Orion was well equipped to handle this sort of thing anyway.

“Yeah, come with me.”

Orion led me to the downstairs bathroom. He had his first aid kit stashed under the sink there. I sat on the edge of the counter with my feet resting on the toilet. Orion took a pair of scissors and cut off the sleeve of my shirt.

“So what happened?”

“I got shot,” I said plainly.

Orion laughed as he attempted to wipe the blood. “Well, clearly. Care to elaborate?”

“Genesis wasn’t there alone. He had this guy with him, seemed like a sort of bodyguard.”

“That’s unusual.”

“I know. And they weren’t there when we first got there. They must have arrived later through a different entrance. Why they were coming to the shop this late at night, I have no idea.”

“It looks like the bullet only got a bit of muscle. You’ll probably have some trouble with that arm for a little while.”

Luckily Animages healed faster than normal humans. I hissed in pain as Orion disinfected the wound.

“Sorry, but its not like you didn’t know it was gonna hurt.”

“Just give me a little bit of warning please. I need to brace myself.”

“Well, in that case. Brace yourself.”

Orion had taken out a special pair of tweezers that were specifically designed to pull bullets out of people. I grabbed on to the edge of the counter and clenched my teeth. Orion dug into the wound with his tweezers and I felt like screaming. It hurt worse than the actual shot did. But it was over in just a few seconds. Orion dropped the bullet into the sink. I let out the breath I had been holding in.

“Sorry again.”

“Its okay, I asked you to do it.”

“That’s true. Why am I apologizing? Continue with your story.”

“Oh, right. Something weird is going on. Genesis told that bodyguard guy not to shoot me. He said that I was ‘the one’ or something like that. And then later, the bodyguard asked him if he was sure I was the one, and Genesis confirmed it. I don’t know what it means. But the guy called me ‘Wolfie,’ which means he knew who I was.”

I looked up at Orion to see what he thought of all of it. There was a frown on his face as he was taping the gauze on my arm. “Something’s up with all of this,” he said. “The demon following you, Genesis with a bodyguard who’s apparently out to get you. I don’t know. Seems connected somehow. You got the diamond, right?”

I nodded. “Artis has got it right now.”

“Good. Because that diamond has all sorts of magical power that we don’t even fully understand yet. Make sure that Easy Squad includes all of this in their report.”

“I will.”

Orion finished wrapping the bandage around my arm. “There you go. Oh, I think I have some Vicodin in here.” Orion opened up the medicine cabinet as I jumped down from the counter. He took out an orange pill bottle and handed it to me. I pocketed it.

I walked back out to the library. Orion stayed in the bathroom to put everything away. I could feel the depressed mood as I took a seat on the couch next to Artis. Nash and Eumaeus were on the couch opposite us.

“Why so glum? Okay, so things didn’t go according to plan, but at least we succeeded, right? So don’t feel too bad about it, guys.”

My pep talk seemed to not do an ounce of good. “Okay, seriously, what’s up with you guys?”

Nash looked over at me. “This was our first time.”

“Yeah, your first mission, right? That should be a good thing.”

“No, I mean…this is the first time we’ve ever…killed anyone. A human anyway.”

It all became clear to me. I hadn’t even thought of that. Of course, with this being their first mission, Easy Squad would never have actually harmed anyone before. Up until this point, it had all just been training and drills for them. They may have done away with some demons or something of that sort, but they would never have harmed a human being. None of it had been real until tonight. That was why Eumaeus had struggled to shoot, and why everyone was so depressed now.

“Well, hey, guys, don’t beat yourselves up about it. He was shooting at us. He would have killed you guys. You did what you had to do. He’s the bad guy here, not us, okay?”

I said the words but I knew it probably wouldn’t change anything. I remembered the first time I had shot and killed someone. I had been devastated. Taking another person’s life was never an easy thing, even when the alternative was getting yourself killed.

“It’ll get easier with time,” I said. It was the truth. I hadn’t thought of it tonight because of that fact.

Artis looked at me with a face so severe I felt like shrinking away from her. “I hope it doesn’t. I don’t want it to.”

Her words stunned us all into a complete silence. I had nothing to say in return. How could I argue with that? It made me ashamed of myself. Her words had struck me to the bone. All I could say was, “You guys are free to go. Just have your reports in by tomorrow night.” I got up and went to the kitchen.

I was surprised to find Han there, sitting at the island counter, snacking on some chips. “Hey. Orion told me what happened. Does it hurt much?”

I shook my head and took a seat next to him. “What’re you doing here?”

“I snuck out of the house like an hour ago. I wanted to see how your mission went. But I fell asleep. I woke up when you got here, but by the time I came down to talk to you, you were already with Orion getting fixed up. I talked to Easy Squad a bit. What’s with them anyway? What’s with all the depressed faces?”

“They killed their first human today.”

“Oh.” Han’s confused look became one of understanding. He knew how Easy Squad felt; he had been there once. We all had. “The first time’s the hardest. It’ll get easier.”

“That’s what I told them. And you know what Artis said to that? ‘I don’t want it to.’ And I can’t help thinking that she’s right, and it shouldn’t get any easier. I mean, what does that say about us? We just get over killing people so easily?”

“I don’t think we ever just get over it,” said Han. The chips lay forgotten in front of him. “I just think that, little by little, we stop thinking about it.”

I nodded. I could accept that answer. I had to, it was the only way I could explain the sudden apathy that had overtaken all of Third Company. “I’m going for a walk.”

“It’s raining,” Han pointed out.

“Since when has that stopped me?” I left Han in the kitchen and went outside. The cold rain hit me hard. It was really pouring now. I walked up the hill of the backyard and sat when I reached the top of it. After a while, I laid down. I tried to remember how many people I had killed in my time with Animagia. I used to have the exact count, but it had gotten so high, and I had grown so apathetic, that I had no idea anymore. I knew it was in the hundreds.

My wolf ears sensed someone coming. I could smell Orion’s scent through the rain. A few seconds later he was standing next to me. “Aren’t you getting cold?”

“Wolves don’t get cold in the rain.”

“Need I point out that you’re not actually a wolf? You need to pay attention to your human self. It’s just as important. And it’s probably telling you that it’s very cold right now.”

“I like the feeling of the rain washing over me. It feels like its washing away all of the dirt.”

“I know what you mean,” said Orion. I knew that he understood that the “dirt” I was referring to wasn’t just a literal thing.

“How have you kept on doing this for so long? Don’t you ever just feel…wrong?”

Orion took a moment to lie down next to me before saying anything. “Randi, there’s no room in this business for pacifists. We do what we do because we have to. If we didn’t, then no one would. And yeah, sometimes it’s hard and it may never end. But when it comes down to it, we don’t have any other choice. When the animals choose their host, they know what they’re doing. We all have the strength inside of us to continue on. Just hold on to that, and you’ll be okay.”

I was silent as I let Orion’s words sink in. “Thank you,” I said after a long silence. “I think I’m ready to go inside now.”

Orion stood, and then reached a hand down to help me. He pulled me up a little too strongly, and I fell against him.

“Sorry,” Orion said with a laugh.

“Its alright,” I said, looking up into his eyes. Then, without thinking, I leaned up and kissed him. Orion, obviously also not thinking, kissed me back.

After a few moments, Orion started to pull away. I pulled him back, putting my hand behind his neck. We kissed for what seemed like forever, and then we were tugging at each other’s clothes, reaching for bare skin.

Orion pulled away suddenly, pushing me back. “No, no, no, we can’t do this. This is not good. Look, I’m going to go inside. You can come in whenever you’re ready.” Orion rushed away as if there was a demon at his heels.

I put my head in my hands. “What the hell am I doing?” I asked myself out loud. I paced about the hill for a few moments, trying to find an answer to that question. Eventually I just went inside. I went into the bathroom and got a new bandage to wrap around my arm, since the one Orion had put on me was now soaked. After that, I walked straight upstairs to my room, passing no one along the way. I changed into some dry clothes and got into bed.

Just as I was reaching to turn off the light, there was a knock at the door. My heart started racing, fearing that it was Orion, but it was Han who came in a moment later. I had completely forgotten that he was in the house.

“Going to bed?” Han asked as he came into the room. He walked up to the bed and kicked off his shoes. “Scoot.”

I shifted to the side so that Han had enough room to get into the bed with me.

“I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to be alone tonight,” Han said as he made himself comfortable.

“Thank you.” I was truly grateful to him. He always seemed to know what I needed. I shut off the light and settled into bed. “Han, I think I’m losing my mind.”

“We all are, Randi. We all are.”

“Hm. That makes me feel a little better to know that. Thanks.”

“No problem. Good night, Randi.”

“Good night, Han.”

No matter how hard I tried, though, I couldn’t fall asleep. There was something bothering me, and I knew it had to do with Orion. I didn’t want to think about him or about what had happened, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. It had all become so complicated so quickly. Why had I kissed him? Because I was feeling vulnerable and confused? Maybe I was just reaching out to someone. But then why had he kissed me back? He was my squad leader, and he was nine years older than me. Our relationship was all business, wasn’t it?

But then I remembered all the nice things Orion was always doing for me. How he had prepared my room, bought me groceries, and talked me through any problems I was ever having. And why had I been so curious to learn more about him? I could say that it was pure curiosity, but I wasn’t a very curious person when it came to things outside of work. I supposed it was safe to say that Orion and I had passed the point of being just colleagues some time ago.

On top of all this, I couldn’t get over that kiss and how it had made me feel, that feeling of warmth and security that had overcome me. It had all just felt so right, Orion’s arms around me, his lips on mine. I distinctly remembered the sight of his eyes shining in the moonlight just before I leaned in.

I shook my head. I had to stop thoughts like this. The truth of the matter was, was that I was in a bad place, and I had wanted to be comforted. That was all. I had taken advantage of Orion’s kindness, and he had reacted how any other guy would. I couldn’t read any more into it. It was a bad decision on both our parts.

I got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. I was thirsty. I didn’t bother to turn on any lights. I poured myself a glass in the dark and started drinking. When I was halfway through the glass, I sensed someone coming. I knew it was Orion by his smell. The light flicked on and Orion jumped back in surprise.

“Geez, you scared me. I didn’t know you were there. Why are you standing here in the dark?”

“Sorry.” I was at a complete loss about what else to say.

Orion got a glass and went to the fridge. He poured himself some water. There was an awkward silence and the tension was almost too much to bear.

Orion found the courage to open his mouth first. “Listen, Randi, about earlier…” he began.

“Don’t worry,” I interrupted, suddenly finding myself too scared to hear what he had to say about it. “We don’t have to talk about it. It was probably just hormones. You know how it is with teenagers. Or maybe it’s the wolf mating season.”

“Maybe so, but I should have stopped it sooner.”

“You were just responding with a natural instinct. You are a guy after all. Relax, I’m not delusional enough to think that you actually have any real feelings for me.”

“So…we’re cool, then?”

“Absolutely.”

Orion smiled back at me. “I guess I’ll go to bed now. Good night.”

“Good night.”

I watched Orion leave. I had said the words, but I couldn’t explain the pain that had seemed to take root in my chest. I didn’t want to dismiss it, but what else could I do? Orion was my commanding officer. That was all he could ever be. And that’s all I wanted him to be, right? I told myself that again and again as I went back upstairs to bed.

PurpleVampirePanda: Thanks for the vote of confidence. :)