In Memory of Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

I did one of these after the death of Heath Ledger in 2008. It doesn’t get any easier.

I just watched the end of the 2009 BET Awards. After viewing the speech made by Janet Jackson at the end, and seeing Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo’s tribute to Michael Jackson with their version of “I’ll Be There,” also at the end, I am not ashamed to say I basically bawled by eyes out.

I found out that Michael Jackson had passed away through a text message from one of my sister’s friends. I had been on the computer and just refreshed Perez Hilton. I was walking out of my room when my phone next to the computer vibrated, but I figured it could wait. Fifteen minutes later I came back into my room and I remembered the text. I flipped it open, expecting it to be a random text I’d end up ignoring. It was strange for me to see my sister’s friend’s name pop up as the sender, since she rarely texts me. I opened the text to see a message that shocked me and confused me like the one I received on January 22, 2008 by my sister, but also that turned out to be a mass message she’d sent to other people she knew: “MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!!!”

I froze. I didn’t really comprehend it. I scrambled back to my refreshed Perez Hilton page, and there was the post about his death at the top of the screen. The details were sparse at the time, since it had just been officially released.

I said I wouldn’t watch the news. I didn’t want to watch them transport the body. I didn’t want to watch the media shove their noses into a family’s private business. Yet I saw them transport the body. I watched Jermaine Jackson’s statement on behalf of his family. I witnessed first-hand the heartbreak and celebration of life that was immediate following the news of his death outside of Michael’s rented home in LA; outside of the UCLA Medical Center; in his hometown of Gary, Indiana; and outside of the Apollo. I really don’t think I’ve seen anything like it to date. There were people with homemade R.I.P. posters, people holding candles, people blasting Michael’s music, people dressed as Michael, and people dancing.

I’ve spent the last three days glued to the TV with my older sister flipping back and forth between MTV, MTV 2, VH1, VH1 Classic, and Fuse. I think I’ve officially seen every video Michael Jackson ever made. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every special the stations have aired – several times. We’ve laughed and danced to “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.” We’ve cried to “You Are Not Alone.” My sister reminisced about watching on primetime TV the premiere of his video for “Remember the Time.” We both remembered fond memories of Free Willy and “Will You Be There?”.

We also watched some CNN, as they had a few people on who knew Michael Jackson, including but not restricted to Liza Minnelli, Usher, and Miko Brando. Usher commented that he hates in the wake of Michael’s death, all people can focus on is whether or not Michael overdosed on prescription drugs, what those drugs were, or if his personal physician is to blame. I wholeheartedly agree. At this time, when people all over the world are in mourning for Michael, we should be celebrating his life, not speculating about his death.

Michael’s life has been a public spectacle for forty years. No one ever had the right to comment on him and his life. However, the time to badmouth him and comment about his behavior is now officially over now that he has passed on. I take issue with individuals who talk about people and events that they have no personal experience with. While watching the Michael Jackson E! True Hollywood Story on the 28th of June, I was appalled with some of the people who were called on to talk about him, particularly an editor of People magazine. What authority does he have to comment on Michael’s legal woes? Zero! Was he involved? No! What right did he have to call Michael a freak? None!

My sister and I were looking at papers the day after his death, and pretty much all of them had full sections devoted to his death. One had solely a picture of Michael with the title “DEAD” on the front page. Needless to say we did not get that one. Another had a nice picture on the outside, but the inside had a headline, “Freakish pop star dead at 50.” We didn’t get that one either. I hate the word “freak,” but I hate it even more in reference to Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson was, IS, not a freak.

The day of the verdict in Michael Jackson’s child molestation case a few years ago, my parents had on the news. My mom was not a follower of the situation, but she was sitting there with my dad and my sister. She wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening with the circus outside the courthouse on TV. I remember coming into the room and sitting next to my mom on the couch. I asked her, “Did he do that, Mom?” Her answer was simple: “No.” That is what I believe to this day.

My worst fear is that, forty years from now, my generation’s kids and grandkids will ask my peers, “Who is Michael Jackson?” and my peers will respond with, “A pedophile.” It scares me. I hope and pray that his memory is respected, and that instead the response will be, “An amazing performer,” or at least, “A singer.” I will never tarnish his memory and his work; he deserves so much more than that.

Did Michael Jackson lead an unorthodox life? Yes. However, in no way was that his fault. He was exploited from an early age. Do I believe he suffered from some identity issues? Yes, I do. Do I in any way feel that he was a pedophile, that he was harmful? Absolutely not. I believe that the child molestation accusations stem from greed on the part of the teenager who accused him and his family who backed him. Michael Jackson, a high-profile celebrity with a lot of money, would be the perfect target for leeches such as those evil people. I honestly do not believe that Michael Jackson did anything wrong. With his lack of childhood, Michael Jackson, as an adult, was a child at heart. His “bizarre behavior” is not so bizarre, as it was childlike, and that was really all he was: a child.

How can a man who wrote beautiful songs like “We Are the World,” “Heal The World,” “Man in the Mirror,” and “Earth Song” be the monster that he was portrayed by the media and the family who accused him? How can an individual who worked so hard to make children happy, to help children, to help PEOPLE all over the world, be guilty of the horrendous crimes he was charged with? I don’t get it. All Michael Jackson wanted to do was better the world and the people in it, to make people aware that we are all connected and have a responsibility to help each other, and to make people happy through his music. He succeeded with me.

I am in no way Michael Jackson’s number one fan. Before June 25th, I could probably only name five or six songs of Michael’s off the top of my head, and they were all popular hits. I could barely remember some his lesser-known songs. I’d only seen videos for “Thriller” and “Will You Be There?” up until these last few days. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Michael Jackson, but I didn’t feel nearly as drawn to him as I do now.

When I got that text message, my world halted. It was a shock to the system. And all I’ve wanted to do since I found out about his death, even though I thought it would be hard to do, is listen to his songs and watch his videos. I was right; it IS hard. However, it’s also comforting. Listening to his songs, dancing to his music, and watching his videos has made me feel more connected to him and the world than I ever thought I would be. I also don’t think it fully hit me that Michael is no longer with us.

This evening, after watching Janet Jackson’s speech, I think the reality of the situation has started to hit me more. I think after hearing her voice choking over the statement, “We miss him so much,” I’ve finally started to accept what’s happened. It only made things hurt even more.

All weekend long, I’ve felt like I could start crying if a particularly sad and/or heartfelt statement from someone about Michael popped up. On VH1, there is a montage of clips of Michael’s videos set to clips of some of his songs. At the end, “Man in the Mirror” plays along with a single black and white picture of Michael’s face in his younger years. Then, the final line of the song, ‘Change,’ is played with “In Memory of Michael Jackson” on the screen. Also on VH1, people have been sending in their memories of Michael, and one guy named Ryan W. sent a message saying that he met Michael in 2001 and got to shake his hand. He said he’ll never forget that Michael hugged him and said he was lucky to have a fan like him. The last line of the message was, “He was the confidence in me I never felt in myself.” I’ve wanted to cry every time I’ve seen those things, but I’ve managed to refrain.

Well, I refrained until Janet’s speech and the beautiful rendition of “I’ll Be There.”

I don’t know what to say. I’m heartbroken, shocked, and hurt. I never met Michael Jackson, but I also have nothing but the fondest memories of Michael Jackson growing up. There is nothing else to say. I will miss Michael Jackson for the rest of my life. I feel like a little piece of my childhood, my life, has been snatched away. I’ll miss him whenever I listen to “Will You Be There?” and watch Free Willy, or around Halloween when I listen to “Thriller” to get into the holiday spirit. I’ll miss him when I watch Center Stage and “The Way You Make Me Feel” is played. What else can I say? It just hurts.

I’m trying to make this as poignant as I can. I am desperately trying to relate how I feel, and I don’t know if I’m succeeding. All I want is for people to respect Michael and his memory and his work. You may not like him, what he “did,” or his songs, but he is still a human being, and he deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. That is the least we can repay him with for all he has given to us and world.

I hope to follow in Michael’s humanitarian work, as I want to work in international relations, civil rights, and human rights. I’m entitling my little tribute to Michael Make That Change in honor of a line from his song “Man in the Mirror,” in which Michael talks about making a change in ourselves and the world.

Michael Jackson was a beautiful, intelligent, caring person. I will miss him terribly. However, his legacy will live on forever.

Rest in Peace, Michael. I love you.