So I'm sitting here again, watching the salty waves crash onto the shore. Except this time 'round my sky is not filled with pastel clouds and gentle golden breezes. The granite sky is rumbling with discontent, and the black clouds are muttering their agreeance as fingers of lightning graze the churning waters. As is the weather, so is my life in turmoil. It's been three years since graduation, and as I sit on the pier I also sit on the edge of another graduation. A semester left of college and several extremely stressful decisions stand on the horizon.

The death of my beloved little brother still weighs heavily on me; I miss him constantly, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. But my anguish over Jacob is quietly taking a back burner to the heartache of seeing my once-strong mother dissolving away slowly in the mental health ward of the hospital. Her deterioration breaks me down right along with her every time I set foot in her room.

There are days she doesn't even notice my presence. Sometimes, it's better that way; because on days she does acknowledge me, it's a gamble whether or not she'll recognize me, or lose it completely and have to be taken away. Some days she has moments of clarity that give me hope - but even then, reality for Mom isn't much better than her fantasy nightmares. Her caring husband committed suicide, and her baby boy succumbed to cancer.

I try on these days to help her heal, but it's hard enough being strong for myself. It's agony doing it for both of us. As I get closer and closer to finishing my degree, I wrestle with the fact that I may have to sign her over to the state so I can get my life together and start building my future. Those thoughts are almost a betrayal, but I'm beginning to realize I can't take care of her if I can't take care of my career.

Pending graduation, I have two major job offers - and one hell of a decision.

The first offer is from a large, well-established company, and will have me rolling in money and stock at even an entry level position. And jetting around to different countries for weeks at a time. The second ia from a small start-up company with a ton of promise but less funds to match. If I choose the latter, there could be rougher times money wise; but on the other hand, I wouldn't even have to move out of Florida. And I wouldn't have to spend any long, agonizing weeks away from a certain beautiful Cuban girl.

My eyes trail up the coast until they find her. She's standing with her feet in the ocean, waves breaking angrily around her ankles. She throws her arms out to the sides as if she's embracing the raging winds, her long chestnut hair flowing in the currents. I smile. She's doing that electrifying dance with the world, where she stands still and yet somehow the earth lets her lead.

Speaking of dilemmas, and Rachelline... I searched into my pocket and my fingers closed around an extremely nerve-wracking decision I've been pushing around my heart for weeks. I pulled the small velvety box out of my jeans and carefully pulled it open. The three square-cut diamonds sparkled at me in the gray light, and the silver band glinted brightly.

There was no doubt in my mind that this woman was the best thing to ever happen to me. She was everything I needed in the person I wanted beside me, and I knew absolutely that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The problem is that I'm terrified she doesn't feel the same. I wake up in a cold sweat at night after being haunted by nightmares of her laughing and tossing the ring back in my face, or looking down at me sadly as pity washes over her beautiful eyes and she softly says "No, gatita..." I sighed. I'll have to get a little more sleep loss over this one.

Wooden boards creaked behind me, and I snapped the box shut and surreptitiously slid it back into my pocket. I gazed out into the ocean and waited quietly. Her gentle arms slid around my waist from behind as she settled down at my back, pulling me between her legs and resting her chin on my shoulder.

"What are you thinking about, my beautiful brooding kitten?" she whispered softly in my ear. I half-smiled.

"You, love. Always." She tickled me gently and kissed the side of my neck.

"Ah, you always were such a sweet talker. I think you're just trying to get in my pants." I grinned and stuck my thumb in the hole of her ripped jeans.

"Is it working?" She laughed that rich, soul-soothing laugh of hers and hugged me tighter.
"You had me won over years ago, Harmony. You don't even need to ask anymore."

--------------------------------------------------

"Harmony Morgan! You're going to be late!!"

"Your face is gonna be late!"
Way wrong answer. A pillow came flying through the house, crashing into the back of my head the exact second I stood from trying my shoe.

"Ow!" I rubbed the back of my head and turned to look at her. She stood in the doorway in a wife beater - ironically - and tiny shorts, her flowing curls in a messy ponytail, arms crossed, eyes blazing amber fire. She was furious beauty personified.

"Heh... I love you baby..." Her nostrils flared. I smiled weakly. "...you're pretty?"

Snap.

She threw her hands in the air and stomped off towards the kitchen, a long flow of cubana curses streaming steadily from her perfect lips.

Ah, shit.

I grabbed my laptop case and followed her. When I finally caught up with her in the kitchen, she was standing over a frying pan, the never-ending curse still going strong.

"Ray..." She turned to eye me, a spatula in one hand. My eyes widened. "Okay! I'm leaving!"

I turned to the door and she continued to mutter things at me. I dropped my bag and turned back to her, grabbing her around the hips from behind and spinning her in my arms, pulling her tightly against me and kissing her deeply. She gasped softly and her arms slid around my neck, lips seeking mine fervently. When I finally released her, she whimpered softly and pressed her forehead against mine.

"Four years and you can still do that to me..." She whispered. I smiled, feeling pretty good about myself.

Until the kitchen timer decided to go off. Her eyes flicked to the clock and narrowed. I looked down and saw her hand tightening on the spatula grip.

"... gotta go baby I love you bye!"

I kissed her cheek and flew out the door, grinning and waving to our neighbors sitting in the apartment courtyard with their labrador puppy as my gorgeous girlfriend shouted oaths at me from inside. They just smiled and shook their heads.

"Late again, Harmony?" Shelly called.

"You know it! Have a good day!"

Dr. Lainy was going to kill me if I was late again. I sprinted down the lawn towards the dock, holding my bag close as I ran for the parking lot. I opened the door and set my laptop on the passenger seat, jamming the key in the ignition as I pulled the seatbelt across my chest. I was about to throw it in gear and back up when a body hit the side of my car.

"Holy shit, Lila! I thought you had a doctor's appointment today!" I yelled at her as she clambered in and shut the door, moving my laptop to the back seat.

"I lied, okay? Then Brainy called and said if I missed any more class time, they were going to cut me!"

I backed out gracefully and took off towards our campus.

"Well freaking duh, you've missed more than two weeks worth of classes Lilac Jane."
"At least I'm not getting publicly cussed out for being late!"
I hit the brake hard at the stop sign and gave her the evil eye.

"Would you LIKE to be? Because last I checked, you're just as on-time as I am, considering you're in MY car!"

She crossed her arms and pouted out the window.
"Okay then."
We drove in silence for several minutes until Lila reached over and tuned the radio knob. She found a station and listened as the DJ talked for a minute and started a line up. The first familiar-sounding song cut through me like a knife.

"I'll sing it one last time for you..."

I immediately reached down and snapped off the radio, my fingers gripping the steering wheel tighter as cloudy tears blurred my vision. A gentle hand rested on my arm.

"Sshh... it's okay, Harm... I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

I shook my head quietly and wiped my eyes, lacing my fingers with hers and letting our hands settle on the arm rest.

"You couldn't have known. I just... can't handle it. Not yet." My eyes fell as I parked the car and turned it off. "Maybe not ever."
She reached up and slowly smoothed a strand of my long, honey-colored hair off my face.

"No one's expecting you to, baby. Jacob took a little bit of all of us with him that we can never get back again. But he gave us so much more. He was a beautiful boy with a beautiful soul, and it's okay to miss him. It's definitely okay to wish he was here. But he wouldn't want you to miss out on things because he can't be with you in person."
I nodded. She leaned over and kissed my temple, wrapping her arm around me and squeezing gently.

"Now let's get to class, before Ray shows up and cartoon-smacks us both with her frying pan."

I snorted and grabbed my laptop.