.3.

Addison walked into the building on the corner of 235 East 42nd Street, greeted the desk personnel and headed for the elevator to get to the 50th floor, the top floor, where she worked. She had worked hard to get this job, complete with blood, sweat, and tears. She had attended the prestigious Wharton School, alongside a degree in chemical engineering. Afterwards, she left for Boston, where she attended the Broad Institute, a collaboration between MIT and Harvard that allowed her to pursue a masters in chemical engineering and an MBA in tandem. Kiril had come with her, or as close as he could get, when he left for the Rhode Island School of Design.

They both threw themselves into work, developing connections that would prove invaluable as soon as they got out of school. Addison always wished that she had lived Kiril’s life. She could’ve, but she had convinced herself to pursue a higher path. She would cure people, stride forward for medical advances. She would be miserable, and Kiril would be happy.

Addison always tended to stay mum about classes and school around Kiril. She had already jumped feet first into her chosen fields, but every other week is seemed that Kiril would decide to switch between majors.

“I’m looking for something that makes me happy. Whether I’m good at it is not that important,” he said.

She felt like screaming at him. How could he be so damn complacent? Since she had entered the 7th grade, teachers were already pressing her, telling her to throw out her silly dreams and focus on her future. Realism would help her get ahead, not daydreaming about being a firefighter or a ballerina. Kiril felt no such pressure. Even surrounded by people that had resumes on their minds all day, he kept an air of cool, as if he had all the time in the world to decide. Addison didn’t want to admit that maybe he did have time. But why did he have more time than she did? He should be envious of her, damn it. She had the grades, she had the extracurriculars, she had the praise of their peers and their teachers.

But he was happier than her. He was happy for her.

Kiril was always worried that he wasn’t smart enough for Addison. He was constantly afraid that she was going to find some guy who was as brilliant as she was and realize that he wasn’t enough for her. Every time she went to a lecture, a class, he was afraid she was going to come back and gush about some guy who had impressed her with his intelligence, and she would slowly but surely drift farther and farther away from him.

So he was always sure to be happy for her. He always told her that he wasn’t worried about life after college, when they broke out of the safe haven of education. He knew it was easy for Addison to decide what to do. She could do anything. She was good at everything. Kiril wasn’t. He wished sometimes that Addison was stupider and he was smarter.

He would never tell her this, but he loved it when she did something stupid. When she couldn’t tell time, which for some reason evaded her. When she was just one step behind, and cocked her head to the side and asked him what just happened. At those times, he felt like he could take care of her, because that was all he really wanted to do. Did that count as an occupation? He didn’t think his parents would think highly of that particular job.

But every time he thought it, he immediately chastised himself for being such a misogynist bastard. Addison wasn’t a feminist, because she thought they were dumb, all talk, no action. But she would still be pissed if he said something like that about her, forget about women in general.

He would watch Addison succeed until he figured out what he wanted with his life. He hoped that it would be enough for the both of them.

‘매신애. Addison ShinAe Mae.’ She always laughed at the plaque on her door. With the new shift towards international dealings, anyone with two names was issued a new name plaque to appeal to any wandering deals in the hallways. It was amazing the way the smallest things could sway someone’s decisions.

She had hoped that one day it would say Addison ShinAe Aiton, but that was one thing that seemed less and less likely to happen as time went on.

If she had to wait as long as she had to have him even ask her out, she might be 65 by the time they got around to being married.

The ring on her finger was a promise, he said. He felt it was too early to get married, but he wanted everyone to know that they were together. Like he was marking his property or something. Addison had almost opened her mouth to say that very phrase, but the ring was mesmerizing. A gorgeous emerald cut diamond in the middle with round princess cut sapphires connected to the top and the bottom, as if the diamond got caught in middle of a river of sapphires.

And damn it he didn’t know her incredibly well, the platinum setting was barely noticeable so she could match it with gold and silver jewelry and no one would know she was mixing metals, something which at the best of times could be called a pet peeve, at worst, an obsession.

So she kept her mouth shut and admired the ring. She even let him admire the ring without the added hindrance of clothes that night.

Kiril eventually had to get up. He felt bad letting Ad go to work while he lazed around. But the fact of the matter was that he could laze around if he liked. Addison couldn’t. He sighed and threw the covers off, lurching up into a sitting position and rubbing his eyes. Sometimes he wondered why he bothered working at all. They didn’t need the money, he didn’t think.

Thank God Addison wasn’t there to hear him say that out loud. You don’t think, she would say, you’re not thinking you dumbass!

But damn if Addison didn’t think too much, too often. After she had started working, there went any surprise weekend trips. She was too tired. She had to take a conference call to China early on Monday and couldn’t afford to be tired out for it. When he was being petty, he thought she was making excuses. But they weren’t. She was being logical, practical. Sometimes he wished he could take her away for a week, throw out her cell phone, her laptop, and steal her back the way her job stole her from him.

At least she wasn’t cheating on him. She didn’t have time.

Addison liked lines, nice clean lines with color-coded labels that defined each division, so that you knew why something was on one side and not the other.

“I’ve never actually asked out any of my girlfriends. It just happens.”

What did that mean? It just happened? It never happened for Addison. There was always a clear ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ moment. Just the thought of it was driving Addison to distraction. She was always with him. Everyone always teased them, saying they made a cute couple.

Addison wanted to scream every time she heard that. We’re not a couple because the dick to my left won’t ask! Kiril always smiled, laughed. But they weren’t a couple. It stung Addison. She felt like some godforsaken kept woman which she would never have suspected herself to stoop to. But that was what it was. They went out together all the time. She turned down offers to dance at parties, afraid of seeming to cheat on Kiril. She didn’t go on dates with guys that asked, even though she told them that she was single. She was keeping her life on hold for him, and he didn’t even know. Every time she worked up enough anger to feel like calling up the latest guy and go on a date, he would come over to her room and suggest they watch a movie or go on a late night run to Wawa to get ice cream. All her anger died, and she was left feeling happy, giddy because it felt like they were dating, it felt like they were exclusive.

It all changed one day.

“Hey Ad, you know about the date party?” said Lani, muttering a quick thank you as the cashier gave her the change for her coffee.

Addison cocked an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to know about a date party?”

Lani flushed, as if realizing that she had let something slip that she shouldn’t have. “Nothing. Just wondering. So, where do you want to sit?”

Addison shook her head. “No. Whose date party?”

Lani sighed. “Kiril’s.”

“Kiril’s.”

“Yes.”

Addison smiled tightly. “Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Ali Friedman.” Lani peered carefully at Addison, as if afraid she would either collapse with rage or depression.

“Ali Friedman.”

Addison felt like she was going to faint.

Kiril was going to a date party with Ali Friedman? Why?

A plethora of explanations ran through her mind. She’s pretty. No, she’s gorgeous. She dresses really nicely. Her sorority mixes well with Kiril’s. They’re both rich white people. Addison was out of place with Kiril. Addison was Asian. Addison wasn’t a huge partier like Ali. Oh God, his fraternity didn’t like Addison, because she didn’t belong with them. He really didn’t like her. They were just friends, and he had just been biding his time until he found an actual girlfriend.

“Ad? You okay, girl?” Lani looked worriedly at Addison, who hadn’t said anything for a full 3 minutes.

“No, um Lani I’m fine. I actually have to get an assignment done I completely forgot about it until just now. Do you mind if I ditch and go back to my room? I’m really sorry.” Addison was already gathering up her things while Lani stuttered out “Yeah, don’t worry about it”, grabbing her coffee and hissing when her hand shook and spilled the hot liquid onto her wrist.

“Do you want me to walk you back?” called Lani at Addison’s rapidly retreating form.

She didn’t get a reply.

Addison had to swipe her access card three times before it read, and then she mistyped her code twice before getting it right. She walked quickly towards the building, whispering a silent thank you when someone walked in right before her, sparing her the embarrassment of fumbling with her keys in the open.

She burst into her room a minute later, shutting the door with more force than strictly necessary and sitting at her desk, sipping distractedly at her coffee.

It was all over.

She walked out into the hallway, sitting on the two steps that randomly broke up the hall.

A minute later, a door opened in the hallway, her next door neighbor David poking his head out.

“Hey girl, what’s up?” he said, smiling.

“Hey David.” Addison tried to smile, but clearly David didn’t buy it. He sat down next to Addison.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, the smile gone.

“Yo, David, what are you doing?” Kiril poked his head out of the door.

“Ad came back, man.”

Kiril came out of David’s room, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a black button down shirt and a belt with a gold buckle.

Addison felt like crying. “What are you all dressed up for Kiril? Going somewhere?”

Kiril gave her a weird look before replying, “Oh, just dinner with the frat tonight. We’re going to Center.”

“Just dinner with the guys?”

“Yup.”

Oh God, he was lying to her. Why was he lying to her? What was the point?

“Oh. Have fun.” Addison watched as Kiril walked back to his own room, grabbing the essentials. “I should get going now. I don’t want to be late.”

Addison waved bye and told him to tell her if the restaurant was any good.

“Yeah, if it’s good we can go next week or something. See you later!” Kiril pushed the door open and headed down the stairs.

Addison rested her head on the wall, her back hunched over, still sitting on the stairs. David hadn’t moved.

“Seriously, Ad, what’s wrong?”

Addison turned to look at David. She almost felt like laughing when she saw the concerned expression on his face.

“Nothing, David. I just kind of realized something that’s all.”

“Alright. If you want to talk about it, you know where I am.” David smiled and gave her a half hug before walking back into his room. A minute later, she could hear him plop down on his bed and start picking at his guitar.

Addison walked back into her room with new resolve. At least she knew what the label on their relationship was now.

Super sized, for your pleasure.