afterwards
i felt a lot of things.
there was defeat and guilt
bitterness and regret
and relief.

afterwards
i cried a little
--okay, a lot--
and re-read all the notes
and letters and poems.
then i got up
and wiped my eyes.

afterwards
she talked to me again
and we're friends again
and it's good again.

afterwards
is where i am
it's where i'm meant to be.