FAIRYLAND ENQUISITOR

SPECIAL EDITION:

GANGS OF NEW YORK- AN ENQUISITOR’S GUIDE TO WHAT CELEBS ARE IN WHAT GANGS, WHO’S GOT WHAT TURF, AND WHAT THE GANG WARS ARE DOING TO OUR NEIGHBOURHOODS!!!

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PORTAL TO NEW YORK CITY, ENCHANTED’S CASTLE, ANDALASIA- CERTAIN ’major’ Cable News Networks, who will remain unnamed, have recently reported on the surge of violence that has gripped New York City and has left it paralyzed with fear. (See page 47 for firsthand accounts at just HOW scared people in the Big Apple are feeling) They try to explain the violence off by using their ’experts’ on such LUDICROUS and OBVIOUSLY false excuses like the recent spike in unemployment, or the RIDICULOUS notion that the nation’s schools are experiencing an increased drop out rate, or the even MORE hilarious, “Recession” causing heightened stress. (See page 59 for our weekly Shopping Recession-wise Column) Well, we at the ENQUISITOR and our good looking and observant readers know that those excuses are FULL of HOLES and LIES!!! Yes, that’s right folks: we at the FAIRYLAND ENQUISITOR know the TRUTH about what has been causing the recent crime spike in New York City:

GANG WARS!!!!

And that’s not even the HALF of it!!! Wait until you find out just WHO is involved in this GANG activity!!! Or should we say, who ARE involved! The ENQUISITOR has EXCLUSIVE proof of the involvement of most of Fairyland’s celebrities in these gangs! Brace yourself, because this is even more twisted and complicated than the Love Octagon we reported on in our last issue (which most major news outlets are FINALLY beginning to report on, though OUR READERS have known about it for AGES already!) But have no fear, faithful readers, the ENQUISITOR is here to make sense of it all JUST for YOU!!!

In our SPECIAL GANGS OF NEW YORK EDITION, we have totally understandable lists on just WHO is in each GANG, and all the info you need to pass on to your friends, your blind friends, of course, because we know readers who are beautiful and smart like you have equally beautiful and smart friends who read the ENQUISITOR as well. So get ready for a whole lot of blind people to immensely respect you and think you’re the smartest person in the world, and to discuss all this info with your hottie friends!

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The Gangs- A comprehensible chart

1)Black Beard’s Bitches (The Black Gang)

Leader: Black Beard (Who rose to fame by plundering ships as a pirate)

Members:

Blackahontas (Who rose to fame from her self titled movie, where she fell in love with a White man)

Little Red from The Hood (Rose to fame through name similarity to deceased sister, Little Red Riding Hood, who was cannibalized and murdered by The Big Bad Wolf)

Booty (Known for her role in Booty and the Beast)

Lil’ Romeo (Known for his role in Lil’ Romeo and Joo-Liet)

Black Sheep (Isn’t really a Sheep, as the racist rhyme would have you believe. As the ENQUISITOR reported two years ago, Ba Ba, Black Sheep is actually a disgustingly barely concealed metaphor for black slavery)

Turf:

-A small section of the New World as seen in Blackahontas, known as Harlem and the Bronx

-The Hood, birthplace of Little Red from The Hood

-Most of the oceanic surface, due to the notoriety of Black Beard’s pirating skills

2)Snow White and the Seventh Reich (The White Gang)

Leader: Snow White (Who ascended to fame by being a moron and not doing much other than eating poison and nearly dying then getting saved. Recently been tabloid fodder because of her risqué clubbing outfits, secret affairs, and pregnancy with The Big Bad Wolf’s child!!!)

Members:

1) Goldie Locks (only famous because of her scandal involving the Chicago Bears)

2) Rapunzel (Used to have luscious, long, golden hair, but it’s all fallen out from her cancer, and now wears a clown wig)

3) Jack (Co-star of the hit ‘Reality’ TV nursery rhyme, Jack and Jill in The Hills)

4) Jill (Co-star of the obviously scripted ‘Reality’ TV hit, Jack and Jill in The Hills)

5) Sleepwalking Beauty (Famous for her role in her self titled film)

6) Japetto (Old, white, child molesting man famous for making a wooden sex toy then seducing a fairy to bring it to life, he is the perfect candidate for a White Supremacist gang)

7) Peter Pan (Famous for being a fruity flying boy who lives with other little boys, the ENQUISITOR thinks he should join the Gays gang!)

Turf:

-Most of Disneyland

-Most of the lands in the movies

-Every castle in Fairyland

-Every rich area in Fairyland

-The suburbs of Fairyland

-Beverly Hills

-The Hamptons

3)The Krazy 101 (The Animals)

Leader: The 101 Dalmations (from their self titled film, a documentary of how the pollution of 40’s London mutated a pair of dogs into sex machines, creating a litter of 101 pups)

Members:

The Big Bad Wolf (From the gruesome account of the murder and cannibalization of Little Red Riding Hood. Now in prison for several counts of murder and cannibalism)

The Three Little Pigs (deceased) (Three stupid pigs who wasted time building houses to escape a hungry wolf, when they should have been calling 911 or buying pepper spray. Now dead.)

The Three Blind Mice (deceased) (Yet another example of animal cruelty in Fairy Tales, made famous by the morbid nursery rhyme, Three Blind Mice and a Microwave)

Chicago Bears (A football team consisting of Fairyland’s finest players, notorious for their recent scandal involving Goldie Locks)

Beast (From Booty and the Beast)

Mother Goose (Past unknown, the Paris Hilton of Fairyland- she is famous for NO REASON!!!)

Nemo (From Finding Nemo, the intensely popular story of what happened when a little fish got lost. Later starred in F***ing Nemo, the porn he had to star in after spending all the money he made from his first movie and becoming lost in debt.)

Turf:

-Most Forests and Jungles featured throughout Fairyland, and the Great Barrier Reef near Sydney, Australia

4)Mulan and Joo-Liet (The Asians)

Leader: Mulan (From self titled movie, the first fairy tale to ever feature a person of a different race)

Members:

Joo-Liet (Popularized in the love story Lil’ Romeo and Joo-Liet)

Turf:

-China

-Asia….DUH

5)Fagrabah’s Rainbow Pride (The Gays)

Leader: Gayladdin (Known for his trilogy of movies involving a certain barely clothed metro sexual Genie)

Members:

Prince Charming (Featured in basically every fairy tale with a loser princess, he’s always the one she is all Ga Ga over and the one who saves her in the end, after she has done something stupid to get herself into ultimate peril. Confirmed by the ENQUISITOR in our LAST ISSUE to be BISEXUAL)

CinderTRANSGENDERella (Starred in Cinderella, and married Prince Charming, but ended in divorce when she wanted a sex change. For some reason, ‘gays’ tends to refer to everyone in the GBLT [gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender] who are all grouped together for some reason.)

Jafarfromstraight (The villain from Gayladdin who tried to marry Gayladdin’s love, Jizzman. Teamed with his talking parrot, E-yaw-GoGoBoy)

Turf:

-Fagrabah, the gay village of Fairyland

THERE YOU HAVE IT, FAITHFUL AND HANDSOME AND COOL READERS!!!

STAY TUNED TO THE NEW SPECIAL SECTION OF THE FAIRYLAND ENQUISITOR, THE GANGS OF NEW YORK, FOR UPDATES AND THE LATEST GOSSIP ON THIS UNFOLDING STORY!!! ONLY SEEN HERE, IN THE FAIRYLAND ENQUISITOR!!!