Chapter Fifteen=Checkmate

There really was no thinking involved. Why hadn’t I realized it earlier?

“Just stop thinking so much.” His words had ringed inside my head, immediately stealing my attention.

And before even that, what had he said? To listen to my heart. To just let my heart rule over my brain for a second. To let my feelings come straight from the heart, unprocessed by my brain. The fact that I had never once thought about this almost amused me.

Then again, if I had thought about it, then I would have been thinking too much again. This not thinking thing was not as easy as it sounded.

Until the moment I’d kissed him, my feelings had not come straight from the heart. They’d been processed and approved by my brain first. I always thought over something, thinking too much about a subject.

If you let your brain completely control your heart, you cannot truly love a person.

But what happens if you’re terrified of what your heart is saying?

What happens when what comes straight from the heart scares you because you’re afraid to let anyone know your heart?

What happens when you let your feelings come straight, unfiltered and unprocessed…

…Straight from the heart.

I am cold.

It is not a simple cold, as if the air outside of me is cold. I feel as if my actual blood has turned icy. But I’m not dead. I think.

My eyes twitch as I regain consciousness, and I realize I am lying in a very familiar room. The table is metal, which is familiar. The air smells of a medical scent, which is familiar.

But it is me myself that seemed unfamiliar to me. I feel foreign in my own body, like I have intruded upon private grounds.

The voice is still there, too. Only now, I know who the voice was.

Wake up. Ryan urges, and I feel my eyes flutter open almost involuntarily. Sitting up, I feel a dull ache crawl throughout my body. I groan, and put my face into my hands. I look at my hands, and find that my fingers are trembling. The voice was swirling around inside of me, free and like a joyous spirit.
Ryan was swirling around inside of me.

My blood feels more like a normal temperature now, and I wonder if the previous cold was from the fact that Ryan is inside of me.

“Ryan. Choi. I see you have awoken.”

Words startle me as they slip from a smooth, almost snakelike voice. I turn, and find the Commander stepping into the light. He is smiling.

“Yes.” Ryan answers. His voice is softer than mine. But it is still my voice.

The Commander chuckles lightly. “Pardon me, Ryan, I was actually referring to the part of you that is still Choi Park. He is more…familiar to me, in a sense.”

I can feel Ryan slowly let his guard down, yet he does not disappear. I regain full control, feeling awkward and unfamiliar. Frantic questions brand themselves inside the walls of my mind.

Who is Ryan? Who am I? Am I…Am I in Ryan’s body? Or is he in mine? Who is the intruder? Who is not supposed to be there?

Who…was never supposed to exist?

“Commander.” I acknowledge him, first and foremost. My voice is low in tone, but not the familiar monotone that I usually spoke in when confronting the Commander. I feel disrespectful. Shame.

I feel my heart beating, and I know I am still alive.

Ryan is still alive, too.

“Ah, there you are, my prodigy.” The Commander’s grin stretches, and I can feel Ryan shift fearfully inside of me. In response, my left hand tenses. I myself try to resist the fear that is inside me, as well.

“Commander…” I repeat, though my voice falters slightly. I feel my right hand tremble, and then my left.

“Yes, my dear?” The Commander speaks as if I am extremely familiar to him. This is only the second time I have encountered him.

“Commander…” I repeat once more, then find my voice. “Pardon my language…but what the hell is wrong with me?”

I stare at him pointedly, to which he only responds with that omnipresent smile.

“Pardon?”

“What’s wrong with me?!” I slam my right hand down on the table, feeling my blood pressure spike in panicked frustration. This surprises me.

The Commander’s grin doesn’t falter, as if this is a game to him. As if it is entertaining to him that I am slowly losing my mind.

That thought infuriates me even more, and I set my jaw taut to keep from blurting things I would later regret.

The long, tense moment subsides when the Commander parts his lips again and speaks.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Choi. And there’s nothing wrong with you, either, Ryan.”

The Commander speaks as if we are two different people. This startles me and sends a wave of insecurity through my body.

And as far as I know, we are. I don’t know who Ryan is.

Or her.

Or Robyn.

“Perhaps I should elaborate a tad bit, hmm?” The Commander thrusts his neck to the side slightly, making his long bangs shift subtly. He walks towards a doorway and stops, then gestures for me to follow him.

“Coming, Ryan? Or shall I call you Prince?”

I slide off the table, feeling queasy and disoriented. Ryan subconsciously tries to reassure me, like some sort of counselor. I shove him away in my mind.

Yes, I feel nauseated and insane.

“Prince. I don’t know who Ryan is.”

Zane thinks this is all very good. Yes, it is very good, indeed.

Seeing Zane’s cousin lying on that metal table gives Zane time to think. Not that Zane doesn’t already think. Zane just has extra time, now.

With Ryan’s return, this would be a more interesting chess game for Zane.

And Zane likes games. Games make you think. And thinking is one of Zane’s favorite ways to pass the time.

Thinking and plotting to kill people and emotionally scar others. Oh yes, these are Zane’s favorite pass-times.

Zane looks again at Zane’s cousin, who is still unconscious on the table. The reason Zane’s cousin is unconscious is because Zane wants Zane’s cousin to be unconscious. Since this is what Zane wants, Zane is a very happy person.

Oh yes, yes indeed.

What fools, Zane thinks. Of course, Zane is referring to those who are involved in Zane’s little chess game. Zane is the player, and those involved are all Zane’s pieces to achieve the ultimate goal.

Destroy the opponent’s queen and her followers.

There would be no hesitation. In fact, Zane is so confident that everything is going according to plan, Zane could just pinch himself. It was almost like a dream come true.

A nightmare for others, perhaps, but a glorious dream for Zane.

Oh yes, yes indeed.

He controls all of them. Every single one of their pathetic souls. And he would destroy all of them.

And the best part? He would not only kill, he would live to kill again. Oh the joyous thought!

Out of his peripheral vision, Zane can see Zane’s cousin twitch as he regained consciousness. A wide grin stretches across Zane’s face. Zane’s cousin sits up after a short while, groaning and obviously disoriented.

Perfect.

“Ryan. Choi. I see you have awoken.”

Zane can plainly tell that it is Ryan that answers, though the voice comes from the same body.

“Yes.”

If there is really a God, Robyn subconsciously prayed to herself. Please, please help everything to work out today.

Robyn took a deep breath and strode back into the hospital room where Nathan was getting ready to leave. He looked up, and his face immediately brightened.

Robyn smiled, albeit nervously. Today might be a long day.

Nathan had learned earlier that morning that he had been in the hospital longer than he originally thought.

The day he and Robyn had been attacked, Robyn had used his cell phone to call the authorities. Once they’d arrived, they took Nathan to the hospital where he was now. The drugs had put him out for a long while, and then the administered painkillers had left him more time to rest. Robyn had kissed him yesterday.

He had been in the hospital one more day than he’d originally thought.

And, oh yeah, Robyn had kissed him yesterday. Nathan was in a relatively good mood.

You know, just relatively.

However, Nathan was still a bit exasperated about today. In this small town, the authorities tended to work pretty fast in relation to cases like this. But never had Nathan thought that they would work so fast as to already have a place for him to stay. His grandmother’s, no less! He was somewhat frightened by what lay ahead. His family…

Well, his family wasn’t anything close to the Brady Bunch, that was certain. Nathan almost laughed aloud.

The hospital room door opened, and Robyn promptly stepped inside, a thoughtful look on her face. Nathan felt his mood lighten just at the sight of her, as if knowing he wasn’t alone was enough to send him flying on cloud nine.

She smiled reassuringly, thought Nathan could tell that she was worried about today too. He looked at the clock because of reflex, wondering when they would have to head down to meet their transportation.

It was almost time.

...

The car ride was somewhat tedious. Nothing interesting passed by for a good twenty, maybe thirty minutes, and then when they started heading towards the older part of town Nathan was somewhat zoning out. Here, the houses were packed together evenly, most of the homes never getting to a second floor. There were blue ones and white ones and brown ones. The purple one gave Nathan a shiver down his spine.

Houses should never be neon magenta. That should be housing rule number one.

Despite the tedious car trip, it definitely gave Nathan time to think. And there was a lot to think about.

He was going to his grandmother’s house, a place he hadn’t been to for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t even remember her. Did she like him at all? Fear was caught in his throat. His only memories of his family members other than his mom and dad were fleeting, and all he knew was that his mother and father had married against their families’ will; his father an investigator, his mother the heir to a small but popular company in her hometown. Both families, in turn, rebuked him profoundly as the child born to the two.

Would his grandmother do the same? A bead of sweat formed on his forehead. All he really wanted at this point was for her to like him. Would she rebuke him, just like the rest of the family?

Or, would she be the first real family member to him? That little glimmer of hope was what kept him relatively calm throughout the trip.

That little glimmer of hope, and Robyn.

She was in the car the entire time, even while he’d been thinking about all of this. She’d said nothing at all so far, only remained silent while leaning her head on his shoulder. Her eyelids hung low, and from Nathan’s perspective he could not truly see her eyes. All he saw was the slight lift and fall of her eyelids, as if she were struggling to stay awake. Nathan reached for her head, and petted her hair reassuringly. The driver of the car raised an eyebrow, but did nothing else.

“It’s okay, Robyn. Go to sleep. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, it’s fine.” Came her soft, drowsy reply. She yawned and shifted slightly, cuddling closer into his side. Nathan felt his face grow warmer. “I’m here for support, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Nathan smiled weakly, letting his head rest against hers.

He felt his hand shake in nervousness. The car ride would be over, sooner or later, and when it was, he would have to face this grandmother of his. All he really wanted was to stay like this. Robyn made him feel more at peace.

Robyn made him happy.

“Robyn?”

“Yeah?”

“I…uh…um…” Nathan chewed on his bottom lip slightly, and then sighed.

“Never mind.”

“…Alright.”

No, he couldn’t say it now. She’d only worry more, and her worrying made him unhappy.

He couldn’t say it now, but he was terrified.

You do know who I am, Prince, Ryan continues to urge, though I quickly ignore him in my mind. You do, don’t you? Don’t you remember at all?

I only continue to stare at the back of the Commander’s head as I follow him down the staircase, trying to ignore this pressing voice inside of me. And then, Ryan asks me something I don’t expect, and it catches me off guard.

Do you remember him at all? Who he is?

I falter slightly in my steps as I trail down the stairs after the Commander, stunned by Ryan’s questions. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to answer, so I mumble quietly, to myself.

“He is the Commander.”

Ryan grunts in frustration.

No, you don’t understand. He’s behind everything. It’s him.

“He’s behind what?” Again I mutter, making sure the Commander cannot hear my words.

Everything, Choi. This is all his game. He’s the one who—

Just when Ryan’s voice became more frantic, the Commander had reached the bottom of the staircase. The door to the Commander’s sanctum opens, and icy air slams into me like running into a brick wall. The Commander walks in and motions for me to follow. I struggle not to shiver as I trail after him, shutting the door behind me.

It is so much harder to become focused with Ryan there. I can’t even shut down normal body functions anymore…

The Commander slides into a seat in front of a desk, and there on the desk is a large file folder. I sit down in a chair on the opposite side of the desk, facing him.

It is extremely hard to face this man, now. I feel like a failure.

Scratch that.

I am a failure.

Then why am I still here?

Why was I not terminated?

I remembered Ryan’s words. That this was all the Commander’s game. But what does that mean?

Is this a part of his game, too?

“Prince, I apologize sincerely for the pain you’ve been through.” The Commander says with a ring of snakelike tone in his voice. “With all of the mental and physical training you’ve been through, I’m sure that…Ryan’s…reappearance has startled you quite a bit.”

“Reappearance?”

The Commander smiles slyly at that. “I will explain in due time, my dear.”

“Explain wha—“ I grit my teeth slightly.

“Hush hush, my dear, you must not rush thy Commander.” He gestures his hand at me to be silent, waving it nonchalantly in my direction. I shiver, but it is not because of the icy air.

Ryan seems uneasy about this.

“Prince, I’m about to tell you things that will take everything you know and flip them inside out.” The Commander says very suddenly, folding his hands on his desk. His face is more serious, but there is still that sly twinge of a grin at the corner of his mouth.

“Do you think you can handle it?”

I open my mouth to speak, swallow in some cold air, and then shut my mouth again. On the second try, I manage to form words.

I feel like a child.

“Frankly, I don’t know.”

The Commander chuckles at that, exposed eye glimmering with some sort of unseen intent. I set my jaw taut, feeling uncomfortable.

Ryan is afraid.

“Prince, you are indeed my prodigy. You’re a project I’ve been working on for a long, long while.” He looked me straight in the eyes, a piercing gaze that made me shudder. “And I’m very proud of how far you’ve come.”

“But Commander…” I began to protest, stopping as he raised his hands in silence. I shut my mouth. Where had all of my training gone? I couldn’t even contain myself from interrupting the Commander, of all people.

Nevertheless, the Commander continues.

“Prince, your first mission in the field was not completed.”

I bow my head, disgusted at myself. Ryan tries to comfort me, but I ignore him.
He is nothing to me. Or perhaps he is everything. Am I in his body? Or is he in mine?

Because right now, I feel like I am the unwanted intruder.

“I apologize, Commander.” I shut my eyes. “But I don’t understand why I am here to tell you this now.”

“You expected to be terminated upon failure.”

“Yes, sir.” I clench my teeth, expecting to die at any moment. Ryan is fearful of the same fate.

“Well,” I look up, and the Commander has a broad, friendly smile on his face. “I am a generous man, Prince, though I may not look much like one. And besides, this is a mission that only you can complete. I am quite confident in you, you do realize.”

At this, I look at him, my expression clearly puzzled.

The Commander looks at me with an all-knowing gaze.

“You recognized the girl, did you not?”

At this, Ryan bursts out of his shell, catching me off guard.

“You know about Robyn?!” Ryan subconsciously pushes me out of the way, as if I am some rag doll.

I feel it now. Am I really the intruder?

Was I not supposed to exist?

Even in the same body as Ryan, whom I don’t know…Was I never supposed to exist?

I felt completely and utterly lost.

“Zane, you can’t be serious!” Ryan knows the Commander’s name? This leaves me in shock. “She’s done nothing wrong, and now you’ve got her as your target? You’ve sent me to kill her, for Pete’s sake, I—“

“Ryan.” Zane hisses. Ryan locks gazes with the man, and now Ryan begins to tremble with fear, though it is not a physical tremble.

Zane looks back at us as if he is holding back his ultimate wrath.

“Ryan, you have no part in this. I am speaking to Prince.” His voice is dark and hateful, like that of a demon’s. “I have not sent you. I have sent Prince. Now shut up and go back to where you belong.”

Ryan shrinks back, letting me take control. His presence weakens, as if he’d been beaten down.

I feel like I’m insane. Possessed, even.

Or maybe, I’m the one possessing Ryan. The feeling makes me feel nauseated again.

“Prince?”

“Yes, Commander?” I say in a monotone voice. I am not focused, but it is easier when Ryan is subdued.

“Good. Now where were we?” He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose in thought. “Ah, yes. The girl.”
Ryan shifted inside of me at the mention of her.

“Prince, I have sent you to capture this girl in order to maintain the safety of the Organization.” He nearly growled, still recovering from his earlier anger. “She could be a real threat if prompted.”

“I know this from before.” I say quickly. “But what does this have to do with me recognizing her?”

Zane smiles again.

“Prince, you have a very strong mind, you do realize that?”

“Yes.”

“Do you realize that this means that your past self had a very strong mind, too?”

My eyes widen as I am taken aback.

“Past self?”

The words hang in the cold air for a long moment.

“Prince, Ryan is your past self.”

Ryan shifts uneasily. I feel the wind being knocked out of me in pure shock.

Zane eyes me carefully, the sly smile still on his lips.

“You are my favorite project, Prince, because I have chosen you specifically from all the other operatives. You’ve been tested, mentally and physically, just like all the others. Yet, you have yet to break.”

Break?

Zane continues.

“The reason you remember Ryan is because he had such a strong mind, even after we wiped you of your past life. We’ve built you into your new identity, the assassin that you’ve been trained to be. Do you follow me, so far?”

“No. But I suppose I’ll have to.” My voice trembled.

Not Ryan’s voice.

Mine.

My voice was trembling because I was totally and utterly shattered.

Zane pays no mind, and continues.

“But you must realize that you are only feeling this way because we want you to.”
My heart skips a beat, and Ryan is promptly startled.

“What?”

Ryan and I say in unison.

Zane chuckles slightly, licking his canine teeth with his tongue out of what appeared to be a habit. He gazed at us in such a way that gave me shivers down my spine.

Deep down inside, something was making me feel terrified of this man.

“Prince, you only remember what we allow you to remember. The reason you remember Ryan is because we want you to. This is all a test. I apologize for using you as a type of guinea pig, but you must understand that I only use you because I have great faith in you. We are trying to determine the actions one of our assassins would take under certain circumstances. “

“I…don’t understand.”

He continues on as if I had not spoken, that same terrifying smile on his face.

“We planted these feelings in you mind so that we could study the effects. I wanted to know how you would react if we placed you in a situation where you felt that you knew the person you were being sent after.”

“The girl?” I ask, totally and irrefutably incredulous and confused. “I…I don’t really know her?”

Zane nods, his smile growing wider. “We only wanted you to feel like you do. The only way to make it more realistic was to bring out the Ryan that still lived inside of you. Ryan is much more….sentimental. And since he is a part of you, he can corrupt your judgment. If you let him.”

“So…It’s not my fault? I just need to overcome this doubt, and I’ll be fine?”

My voice went high with the hope of losing this feeling of insecurity.

I needed to feel secure.

I needed to feel secure and know that I wasn’t insane.

That I was really myself, and no one else.

Zane nods once more.
“Once you’ve completed this mission and shown us that you can push past the emotion, we will remove these feelings from you. You will go back to normal, Prince. Ryan will be a thing of the past.”

I felt Ryan quiver inside of me, as if in terror.

“It is just another test, Prince. Think of it as another test, and push past the obstacles just like you’ve always done.”

“I will, Commander.” I felt my mind finally begin to relax.

Focus, for the first time in what seemed forever.

It wasn’t until I was heading back up the staircase that Ryan made any effort to argue with the Commander’s words.

But you do remember her Prince...It’s not something they’ve planted, it’s really you!

I focused my mind, and felt Ryan struggle as the chains that bound him before began to resurrect.

Prince, please, don’t do this! Robyn…oh Robyn…

That name made my heart flutter. I stopped my progression up the staircase, placing my right hand over my heart.

Robyn. If it was really all just set-up by the Organization as a test, why did I feel this way?

Why did my heart ache for her so much?

Prince, you can’t go through with this.

I sighed. There was nothing I could do to defy orders. And besides, these feelings they had planted inside of me would go away after the mission was complete.

But then, would I feel regret? Would I regret what I’d done?

I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching my jaw.

“This is exactly the type of thinking I’m supposed to ignore!”

The chains continued to tighten as I continued up the stairs, trying to ignore the ache that throbbed in my heart.

Zane is pleased.

Yes, Zane is pleased, indeed.

“I hope you know what you’ve begun, Commander.” Marshall steps out of the shadows, his voice monotone.

Zane cackles loudly, feeling completely at ease. This was too perfect. Zane’s cousin had taken the bait just as planned. Zane swings around in Zane’s chair, glancing over to the chess set that sat in one corner of Zane’s sanctum. Zane stands swiftly and glides over to the chess table, licking the insides of his teeth with glee as Zane stared at each chess piece.

He heard Marshall as he came up to stand beside him.

“The pawns are in position, Marshall.” Zane took his next piece by the top of its wooden figure, lifting it slightly.

Nothing would get in Zane’s way, oh no. Not this time.

With a flick of his wrist, Zane sent the wooden chess piece flying. It smashed into the King’s wooden piece, knocking them both onto the floor with a clatter. A few other pieces fell to the ground as well.

Including the Queen.

“Checkmate. Zane wins.”

Oh yes, Zane always wins.

A/N: OMG. I FINALLY UPDATED. WOO.

LOL.

It's so short ._. the chapter, I mean.

I'm sorry if it seems rushed, or bad, or just sucks in general. I have been having the WORST writer's block for the longest time now! Plus, with the pressures of school, it's just left me totally exhausted and unable to write.

I'll probably edit this author's note later, seeing as how im totally brain-dead right now and I can't seem to remember what I was originally going to say.

Um, so in the beginning it is Robyn speaking about the last chapter. Just so you know. I tried to make everything relatively clear about how everyone was feeling, but maybe I just made it more confusing. LOL xD

Um, but anyways, thanks to all that were patient with me ;D You're all too kind! I'll try to update more, I promise!!

Until next time ;D

~Kristen