Author's Note: So basically, this is a letter I wrote my father. He moved very,very far away about five years ago. I chose to stay with my mom to finish school with my friends and because I love my school. But sometimes It's hard to have him gone. He's totally cool and supportive, the best dad I could ask for, but it's really difficult to be happy when he's not here. He comes and visits every few months though. I began this letter the day he arrived on his last trip. I ended it the day he left.

dear daddy,

you think im okay and that im mature. you think im all grown up and independent. you think im okay with the way things turned out, the way I am and you are and how we're not. you know me best of all and yet you're wrong. im not okay not even close to being okay. im only grown up and strong and independent because I need to be or else I will fall apart, but im really just a little girl inside. I don't want a job, I don't want to figure out my homework on my own, and I don't want to take care of myself, I want you to. I don't need everything, just for you to be here the way your were supposed to be. I know you love me and you try to take care of me, but you are gone. how can you be my daddy when I almost cant remember your face?

grandma told you I hold a lot of anger and you laughed and said she was wrong. you didn't understand, you thought you knew all there was, you thought I was okay but I wasn't. I thought grandma didn't understand me but now I see that she can see me the way you couldn't. she could see inside, that little girl begging for a daddy. you don't know how much it hurt to laugh along with you and agree on how wrong grandma was. i laughed and said why would she think that? but i am angry. i hate my, our, situation. i dont want to be here without you but i cant leave. my friends, my life, i dont want to lose it. so i tell you that i want to stay, to finish, to live with mom until im done. but the truth? you always talk about taking me away and i wish you would. i want to leave, i wish you would stop listening to what i say, and hear me. i know you love me but i am crying, screaming, really trying to make you see. i dont want to be here anymore, i want to leave i want you to forget about what i want and think about what i need. i want you to decide and take me away an take care of me. i want you to stop telling me how proud you are, because i know it makes you feel bad. i dont want you to feel bad i want you to be happy i want to be happy but i cant. i dont know what to do. i want to stay but i need to leave.

when you left this time i didnt cry at all. not a drop. i wondered why but now i see and i know and im sorry. i know you will always leave me. you cannot stay i know you are gone and never will be. i know you are gone i know i know im sorry. when i talked to you again you said i miss you and i almost couldnt say it back. it didnt feel different it felt the same and i didnt mis you because i felt like you never came you were always gone im sorry. i didnt miss you because you are always gone. how can i miss you? i expect you to leave i know it is coming. always coming and im done crying and mising . i wont let it hurt me anymore.

--your grown up little girl