hungry hands and
dirty looks
the prelude to a symphony
of sin and shame
cocks in condoms
crumpled sheets
it’s all the same
drunk or sober
hard or slow
we know where this is going to go
daunting pressure to perform
with stunning confidence and form
good thing all the lights are low
because I’ll bet you didn’t know
it hurts
and even though
you can’t see it in my face
I feel disgusting
broken and used
lying, panting
next to you
yes, I’ll cuddle,
stay the night
sneak out with the morning light
and drive away
my hair a mess
with dirty burdens
I’ll never confess
and I’ll fix my appearance
and I’ll smile and I’ll wait
until the next time I take the bait
and I’m on my back again,
face to the sky
your lips against my inner thigh
wondering why I do this to myself.