He was sadistic and I was a masochist. He climbed through my window and I threatened him with pepper spray. He used me and I let myself fall in love with him.

A/N: Thanks for reading thus far, friends! I wrote this on a Mac Notebook and it sucked. No offense to any Mac users- I'm just not accustomed to Macs. Also- the track pad on this thing is funny and not cooperating. Boo! Hahaha. I hope you enjoy! All of the love is very, very much appreciated.

SHOUT OUTS: LiveLoveLaugh3, Curiousone, autumnx, Ashley Watts, and MuSiCiSFoReVeR. ! All of your reviews really meant a lot!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

"What?" Everything in my mind was backwards. I was confused and dazed. I didn't believe my ears, or the hammering of my heart against my chest. I could barely breathe, thinking about what Lee had just confessed.

"I- I love you," he stuttered, eyes begging. There was a hint of a broken smile behind his eyes; I could it in the way his mouth twitched and his eyes brightened some. I simply looked at him, trying desperately to find some hint of lying in him. He was standing there, as normal as ever, in my bedroom. We were a yard apart, but suddenly, there was no space between us. My legs had moved on their own accord and my hands reached out searching for Lee.

I had his face in my hands and his lips on mine instantly. It was like the world was tilting and he was all I could hold onto. Lee's arms wrapped around my waist, hands flat and spread out across my back. My eyes were closed, but I could almost see us. I could imagine the way we looked- sad, torn apart but so wrapped up in each other. The kiss was hungry, but so soft. I could feel myself breaking down, but smiling. How could everything be contradicting each other? Why was Lee always doing these things to me? I felt upside whenever I was around him. He always kept me on my toes, always had me smiling even while I was upset with him.

Do I want this? I asked myself as the kiss deepened. It felt as if Lee was everywhere- around, on and in me. It was as if he was telling me how much he loved me with that single kiss. It was the best kiss he'd ever given me-- the best kiss I'd ever received. It was so perfect, and it didn't cross any lines. Our hands stayed over clothes, and our lips stayed locked.

We parted when we lost breath, panting with our noses touching. I opened my eyes and looked at his lips, terrified to actually look into his eyes-- it would make the moment too intimate, and I didn't know if I wanted it to be intimate. His arms squeezed me in a hug, holding me to him for a long moment. I allowed myself the pleasure of his embrace, sinking into it and resting my cheek to his.

Lee and I didn't talk for a long time. We simply stood there, holding onto each other. I held his sweatshirt so tightly that it stretched the thin fabric. He was so warm, with his beating heart and warm cheek. I had never been so happy to just hold someone before, never been so happy to just be there.

"I'm going to go," Lee whispered, cheek against mine and lips brushing my ear. His breath moved the hair against my ear and made me shiver from the tickle. I held onto him tighter in response, clutching at him. I wanted this. I wanted him to stay.

"No-"

"I'm going to go," he repeated, sounding defeated. "I'm going to go home, and I'm going to give you the time you need."

"Lee, I-"

"I don't deserve you, baby," he said, moving his head so that our eyes met. Lee was smiling sadly, his eyes filled with emotions I couldn't describe. He'd never been so easy to read before. He closed his eyes and brought his lips to mine again. It was a simple touching of lips, exchange of feelings. I could feel my tears welling in my eyes as I watched him kiss me. I didn't close my eyes because it was so brief. Why did he have to look so sad?

Lee let go, his eyes still closed, and stepped back.

"I think I'll use the front door," he chuckled, disguising whatever emotions were starting to boil over. He pulled his boots on and put on his coat. In silence, dazed and confused, I followed him to my front door. "I love you."

He opened the door and left. I could see the sun peeking from behind the house across the street, and it looked as if it would engulf Lee has he stepped into the freshly fallen snow. He looked back once, when he got onto the sidewalk, and smiled at me. It wasn't a smile- but more like that lop-sided grin I had been so accustomed of seeing on his face. It made me grin back.

David and I sat in the kitchen alone. Aunt Greta had just gone to bed, and my parents were in the living room watching television. David looked older than I remembered, but then again I hadn't seen him since the previous May. I had forgotten how alike my older brother and I looked.

We had the same brown hair and tanned skin. I was positive my brother was a heart throb at school. It was so obvious-- he was flirtatious with all of my friends, and won girls over with a flash of his smile. We were so different in personality though. David was more quiet and reserved as I was more outgoing and open. He kept to himself when he still lived with the family, and participated in humanitarian clubs in high school. The only thing we had in common was probably our love for running. David wasn't as committed, but he did run everyday. He didn't like to compete, but I knew if he did he'd get top ten in any regional competition easily. Although... for a while I also assumed it was because he just liked a reason to get new running shoes every three months.

"What's with the long face?" David asked, sipping his hot chocolate. We were seated on bar stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen, sipping hot chocolates and eating cookies Aunt Greta had made for him.

"Long day," I sighed, shrugging. He laughed, "Yeah, because all you had to do was sit here and wait."

"Blah, blah, blah," I mocked, sticking my tongue out at him. David laughed and shook his head, continuing to drink his hot chocolate.

"If it's boy problems, I don't want to hear about it," he said after a while. "I like to think you're still a little girl."

"Thanks for being so protective," I laughed, sipping my own drink. David laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling into little crow's feet.

"I'm sorry I'm never around, Danielle," he whispered so our parents wouldn't hear us. I looked at him, confused but accepting the apology. "I just don't know how to be part of the family too much, you know? I've always been the black sheep, even if all of our relatives hate you. Sometimes it's better to be hated than indifferent towards."

"David, everyone loves you," I replied, raising an eyebrow. "And I understand why you're never around. You've got a life to live, people to meet, things to do. You're a grown man, I understand that."

"So you're saying you don't ever miss me, little sister?" he chuckled, leaning over the island to push my shoulder. I laughed also.

"I do miss you," I laughed, "Even if you are a jerk."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Kids, you sound like you're children all over again," my mother sighed, walking into the kitchen. "Why the long face, Danielle?"

"Nothing," I replied quickly. I hadn't realized what had happened with Lee reflected on my face so easily. I thought I looked okay, and I felt... okay. I was trying not to think about it, quite honestly. My family was home, together, for the first time in what felt like years. I just wanted to bask in their company without Lee's poetic face and charming voice filtering into my head.

"Don't bother, mom," David sighed, leaning back in his chair. "It's a boy problem."

"Boy problem?" Mom said quietly, thinking. "Is this about Lee? I thought you broke up with him."

"I did."

"Who's Lee?" David asked, confused. He looked between Mom and I. I gave my mother a look that said "don't-say-anything." Alas, she did say. David listened as mom told him about Lee. Apparently Lee was a "sweet young man" I had dated since the start of the summer (lie, more like October). David scoffed when Mom finished.

Mom left when she was finished filling David in on my love life. The kitchen was quiet for a minute. I got up to go to bed, tired because I'd been awake ever since Lee climbed through my window.

"You didn't fall in love with him did you?" David asked, watching as I pushed my bar stool under the counter. We looked at each other for a long time, exchanging words silently the way siblings do.

"Maybe," I admitted, feeling defeated. "But I don't know what love is, David. It's such a huge... emotion? Feeling? I don't know, but I do know that when he's around my world's tilting and he's the only thing holding me down."

"I don't know what love is either, little sister, but I do know that I don't want you moping around the house heart broken," David replied, sighing. "If you don't know, maybe you should stay away from him a little bit. Date other -decent- guys, and see how that works out."

"So, you're telling me to date guys that are decent... Unlike you!" I laughed, poking fun at him. David glared at me, growling. He jumped off of his bar stool and attacked me, chasing me around the house. We made so much noise that Aunt Greta came out in her mu-mu, scowling and damning my name to Hell. Isn't she such a charming woman?