Monster

A monster is what she became. It all started with an accident when she was a child. Her mother was abusive. She had been hurt so many times she just wanted it to end. She couldn’t seek help; she was far too young to understand that. She was far too afraid to even think of that option.

Her mother came at her that day. Her mother went to hit her but the little girl before her fault back this time. For the first time the little girl didn’t run, she fought back. She just wanted her mom to see that she wasn’t happy. That she didn’t want this to happen anymore.

She pushed her mother with all of her strength. Her mother stumbled, lost her balance and fell back. She heard her mothers head hit the kitchen counter as she fell back. She stared in silence as he mother fell and lay motionless on the floor.

She went over hesitantly, ignoring the blood that was slowly covering the floor around her body. She touched her mom’s shoulder and shook her lightly, calling for her mom, telling her to wake up. Her mother did not move though.

A child, it was an accident, but she was afraid and she left the house. She did not understand what had happened. She did not understand what she had done or how it would forever affect her.

This little girl grew up on the streets, her eyes taking in all the pain of the people around her, her heart taking in the pain of her own position, or her own loneliness, the memory of her mother’s body, of her blood still clear in her young mind. The memory never faded, not even after so many years had passed. She grew to understand what she had done and what it meant.

She wasn’t afraid though. No one new her anymore but her crimes, all the things she had done to survive to this point. The gun she held in her hand was proof of all her sins. She had hurt many people, and even ended the lives of some too. She had to survive.

People wanted to call the police, to take her home, to get her help, but she feared what would happen. She feared the police. What would they do? She didn’t understand how they could take her home, she had no home. Where would she go? She did not understand what kind of help she needed. Her was not hurt, no cuts or bruises. She didn’t understand. She was afraid of them.

If they wouldn’t leave her alone she would get rid of them. Get rid of everything that tried to hurt her. As she grew older she came to realize what she had become. A monster, that’s all. Her life wasn’t worth much, in life or death. That’s what she thought.

She wished her questions could be answered. She wished she knew what to do. She just wanted someone to understand but she wanted everyone to leave her alone. She didn’t think she was asking for much. She just wanted everyone to stay away from her. Was that really too much to ask? She wouldn’t hurt people anymore, she could promise. She would give them up her weapons, her gun, and her pocket knife. She would give them up if they promised to leave her alone; to just stay away from her. That’s all she wanted, it’s all she needed.

One day, this fear would drive her insane. She could feel it in her mind, in her heart. She couldn’t just give up though. She couldn’t surrender and follow these people; these people that she didn’t know. She couldn’t trust them, none of them. What if they hurt her, like her mother all those years ago? The fear of the pain kept her away. It kept her running away. The fear was stronger then anything she had ever felt before. Nothing was worse.

She looked to the bright afternoon. The sun would be setting soon. She wanted to spend the day doing what she had seen so many other children doing. She wanted to play in the park and dance in the sun. She wanted to run along the beach and watch the sunset along the sand. She wanted such little things but she could not have any of them.

No, she couldn’t be seen. Only at night could she play in the park. Only at night could she run along the beach. During the day she was like a target ready to be hit and taken away. She didn’t want to be found. She couldn’t bear to be caught. She had to hide away and stay hidden. She had to always look over her shoulder to make sure no one was following, no one had noticed. She had to be careful.

One day, if she was still around, she hoped that she would be free. She hoped that everything would okay and that she too could be normal like the rest of the people she sees.