7

“I want to fly,” I muttered totally ignoring Shirley's comment about how good the English muffin and jelly was.

“You may have Superman's name, but not his powers,” she replied taking a gigantic bite out of her muffin and giving it a few chews.

“Whatever.” I took a sip of my soda, soda for breakfast – smart! “This peanut butter is really good, I think there's honey in it,” I spread more on my piece of bread and took a bite.

“Yeah, well that's why it would be delicious,” she replied.

“Hi,” a voice flooded through my ears and I recognized it as the boy who went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, last night. I looked up to see a fairly pale boy with sweeping black hair and a black earring on his right ear.

“Hi,” I replied – I didn't recognize him...odd.

“Can I sit here?” He asked me.

“Sure,” I scooted over, and Shirley gave me a look, “what?” I asked her.

“He likes you,” she mouthed.

I shook my head in denial and turned towards the boy, “what's your name?”

“Seth.”

“Seth,” I repeated, “I like it. Here have some peanut butter, I think there's honey in it.” Shirley snickered and went back to chatting with her girl friends.

“Cool.”

8

I caught Seth looking at me on several occasions. Over breakfast. During prayer time. During lunch. During the movie that he invited me to see. During dinner. During break. I would look down or do something like eat and the next moment I would sense the attention, I'd look up and he'd quickly look away.

Not that I didn't like the attention. It was just odd...

“Seth?” I asked him. I could feel my question bubbling at the top, ready to burst forth and spill right over the sides of the black cauldron which probably has toxins in it. The black cauldron would be me and the toxins are my gayness. Bad analogy, anyways, the rather pale boy whose eyes were glued to me looked up and looked rather nervous.

“Yeah?” He asked, almost stuttering but avoiding it like a mouse avoids a cat.

“Do you like me?” He looked sick for a moment. He looked down, and for a moment he truly looked like the smaller boy that he was.

I saw him holding in a tear, “Y-yeah,” he said. I was silent for a moment. Seth liked me? Weird. I must have looked horrified because he ran of crying.

He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day, and once again I felt extraordinarily alone. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was a little emo boy on a rampage. “Justin?” I said to my bunk mate when I woke up ate the lately hour of 1 am.

“Yeah?”

I could tell he was awake because of his breathing. It was not consistent. And he was moving. Constantly.

“Let's talk.” I stated. Not a question, just a formality.

“Okay.” I saw his legs go over the side of the bed, and him crawl down. He waited for me to get up and I put on jeans and a hoodie and he grabbed his hoodie and jeans and followed me putting them on as he walked, both of us careful not to disturb the other sleeping members of our congregation.

We sat outside in the darkness, on the swinging bench, and he faced me, both of us shivering in the cold. Justin didn't say anything. He held in his words, and watched me intently as I rationalized my thoughts. I liked Jeremy. Seth liked me. And Justin was a boy who seemed to have my back. Interesting start to my summer. Nothing like this ever happens.

“I like Jeremy.” He nodded, suddenly finding great interest in his perfect nails, “And Seth likes me.” He looked up. This was news to him. I could see him picturing Seth and me together, and then he frowned, “and then there's you.” I said, “I don't know what to do with you.”

Justin looked up at me, and stared me in the eyes, “I'm not a book. You can't move me around as you like.”

“Are you gay?” I asked him.

“Yes.” Interesting developments. It seems that this false silhouette of me, this slightly more confident and open side of me is really good at finding gay people. And I didn't even use my gaydar! Yeah. I'm that awesome.

“Do you like me?”

“I don't know.” He replied, “I guess so, but maybe that's because you like Jeremy.”

“Lie.” I said.

“Okay, yes, I have this odd attraction to you.”

“Ugh everything is so confusing. Two guys like me. Weirdest. Feeling. Ever.”

“Look, not to rush you or anything, but I'm tired.” He went to get up, and I stopped him.

“No, stay with me,” I said.

“What?”

I took a deep breath, and did what I was going to do to Jeremy Carter. I kissed him. It was a quick kiss, 3 seconds at most. But when I broke it off, he was out of breath. “Weird.” I said.

“Yes. Definitely weird,” he gave a nervous laugh, and scooted next to me, closing the space between us. I draped my arm around him and held him even closer and we looked at the stars.

“So, will you be my best gay friend?” I asked him like I was gonna propose.

“Yes! A boy always dreams of this moment,” he laughed and we feel asleep in each others arms. But in a friend way, you know?

9

I woke up just as the sun was beginning to rise. It was still cool, and thankfully no one was up and ready, getting ready to face the new day. I looked down and saw Justin in my arms, and I relfected on the events of yesterday. The weird, twisted triangle that I put up that included Justin, Seth and Jeremy. But maybe not Jeremy, just me and the other two boys.

Being gay is hard.

I shook Justin awake and he looked around, glad (like I was) that no one saw. “Come on, let's get upstairs and do something. Or sleep. Or whatever.”

“Yeah, okay.”

I helped him off of the bench, and we went towards the dorm. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Seth looking out of the window, but when I looked at the window again he wasn't there. I shook off the feeling, and thought about Jeremy. His beautiful face came to mind, and I smiled.

“What are you smiling about?” Justin asked me.

“Oh, nothing.” I replied, airily.

“Mhm.” We continued on up to our bunk room, and watched the sunrise – getting ready for a beautiful day.

-

Sorry this took so long! I was unmotivated and in a bit of writer's block. I'll try and get a new chapter up soon, but it really is hard juggling stories. Review! Alert! Favorite! Much love...KAI