Author's note:
I was feeling weird when I wrote this, partially because, though I write about my friends, I rarely write about how I act with them (if that makes sense) so it felt foreign to me in a way. Ummm...(I'm not sure how to transition to writing about something that has nothing to do with the previous statement.) Well I was playing Yahtzee and this is, as mentioned, one of my best friends and, um, yeah.

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The other day playing Yahtzee, I came upon a thought that disturbed me quite a bit. I mean, I knew it, but I didn't know it. It occurs to me as I am playing with one of my best friends, whom I love like a father. He shares most everything with me and is always honest about all things with me, and invites me to do the same. Your turn. Really, he is a great friend, there is no rational reason why I am so taciturn with him, but I guess I am.

I mean, he doesn't really realize that I don't tell him much, because I always explain to him my view of his situation, which is sort of sharing. Which is even worse, because that meant I was being specious, which I didn't even mean to do; it feels like a lie, but I don't think of it as lying when I choose not to say something. I only think I'm being dishonest now and that makes me feel horrible. Yahtzee! All of my friends share what they are thinking and I just don't say anything and it was only then, as he rolled yet another straight, I realized that I was lying, and I was lying to people I love. And suddenly, all the things I'm not telling them hit me and it's really an awful feeling. Right then I hate myself, and hand the dice to him; noticing he never gets Yahtzees even though statistically speaking, I know he should have by now.

I am always taciturn

I guess I don't explain my situation,

because I'm dishonest and horrible

I realized I'm not telling him;

never

even though I should now.