Chapter 1:

Silver Lining

“Good thing you didn’t put down too many roots in Chicago, Chlo. This’ll be a nice change for all of us,” my mother, Keaton, said twirling her fork around in her plate and took a small bite of the shrimp linguini Kat, our new maid/cook/my babysitter—although they’d never admit to that last part of her job description—made for us.

Keaton’s so full of it. Like it was a good thing I didn’t put down any roots; she was the one who taught me not to. The only reason I didn’t have roots down when we left Chicago was because of dozens of not-so-pleasant situations. And still, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to miss the city. Especially since I’ve been shunted into this hellhole.

“Yes, no more bright city lights to keep me up at night,” my Dad, Aden, said. We sat at the ornate table that seated twelve in the dining room. Everything in this new house was too big. I was used to chic apartments in urban areas and they made me move to a giant empty mansion in the middle of nowhere.

We move from big city to big city every five years because my mother got sick of wherever we lived in such a short time. So when she announced we were leaving, I expected L.A or San Francisco. Somewhere out west, she said. I really think I would have liked California.

“Just eerie silence to keep me up at night,” I pointed out, trying to swallow the fury coursing through me. No one laughed at my dark humor. Somehow here the silence suffocated me unlike in the city, where the noise drove me to almost extinction; we lived to far from anyone else for them to hear my scream.

Now where’d that thought come from?

“Honestly, Chloe must you darken the mood,” my mother said. Her mood was never dark. Just take one look at her and you knew.

Keaton has light gold hair, bright hazel eyes, and had an athletically thin build; she radiated light. Unlike me; my long smooth black hair, dark blue eyes, pallid skin tone, and stick thin thread like body were total contrasts to her. Sometimes I thought she was hurt by our differences.

Like maybe she wanted me to take another trip to her womb and see if she could get any more of her cheery personality and coloring to rub off on me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled into my plate.

I looked to Aden and he showed a sympathetic smile. I tried to push thoughts of school out of my mind they’d only darken the cloud that was continuously hanging over my head.

I could sense they’d have an argument about my treatment soon. My father felt I should be treated like a piece of fine china, breakable. My mother thought since I started the new medication she could treat me like a regular teenager. I’d just like to be left alone.

“Do you want to go out and see the car after dinner so you won’t have any questions tomorrow? I won’t be here when you get up,” Aden asked after a few awkward moments, twirling his glass of white wine around in his glass.

“That’s alright Aden I went online and checked it out. I love it,” I said smiling a genuine one at Aden.

Yesterday they surprised me with a new car. A great new black Range Rover; they were obviously trying to bribe me. The cloud disappeared for a moment when they took me into the garage to see it.

“Great, I’m sure tomorrow won’t be too bad. It’s a small school,” Keaton said and I thought, “Where I’ll stand out even more,” but decided not to share it.

“I’m done,” I finally mumbled, pushing back my chair to stand, “I should get things ready for tomorrow.”

“Goodnight sweetie,” I heard Keaton say when I turned on my heel. Surely she’d be analyzing that tonight.

I cherished only being around my parents for a day; though tomorrow would be totally different. Although I could hardly stand being around my mother and hated the way Aden looked at me, so sad like he was the reason for my depression, I didn’t have to worry about closing my mind to them or catching an errant thought. I was so used to the sound of their thoughts I could block it out without conscience effort.

I could feel the hum of Kat’s thoughts in the back of my mind when I deposited my plate in the sink. It wasn’t unpleasant; one person didn’t bother me. I hardly noticed it. But over twenty was just annoying. And some people—projectors, I call them—I can hear over others. But the more I get to know someone and the more I’m around them, the less I noticed their thoughts unless they concerned me.

The fantasies were a problem and they’d surely be tomorrow.

I wished I looked tougher and less emaciated (God, I’ve gotten morbid). Well, not emaciated but delicate. The damsels in distress fantasies were never original and always graphic. Like any girl would sleep with a guy just because he saved her from falling to their death or getting eaten by a giant green dragon. The most he’s gonna get is a peck on the cheek and a quick smile.

But really, the worst were fantasies about other girls. I swear if nothing else can teach you about the perverted states of teenage male minds, being a telepath can.

I walked into my room and sat on the bed. Each wall was a different color; one black, one white, one was silver, and one a loud pink. I loved it. Though I couldn’t get comfortable in this house, the room was great. My books were already organized when I got here, somehow. The one wall was covered with them except for where the TV was. Books were my only escape from the noise, I always keep at least two in my bag in case all the white noise gets to be too much.

I packed my oversized embroidered tote bag thinking over the whole thing. It was incomprehensible to me why I ended up in Bettina, Oregon. What I didn’t get was why we didn’t just move to Portland; surely Aden could find a spot for such an accomplished surgeon there. And my mother had to commute all the way to Portland for the law firm she joined.

I was still waiting for them to burst into my room any time now yelling, “Sorry momentary insanity, we’re moving to Portland. Pack now!”

“Chloe,” Keaton said pushing open the door. She’d changed into peach colored sweats and had her hair pulled up into a high ponytail. I checked the clock on my bedside table. It was yoga time already.

“Yes, Keaton,” I answered, twirling my finger around the click wheel on my iPod. I couldn’t hear her over the thrash of The Used.

“I just want you to know, I think it will be different here. I can’t wait until you come home with a smile on your face because you actually like it here,” she smiled sadly; it really tugged on my heartstrings when she said things like this. I was so guilty for making them so sad, “I just love you so much sweetie and I’m scared for you. I can’t lose you.”

I crossed the room and embraced her, more out of guilt than anything else, “It’s okay, Keaton. I really am feeling better; I think that with this new environment and the new pill will help. I know it will, don’t worry about me.”

“Alright honey, sleep well tonight. Your father and I won’t be here in the morning. Kat will though,” she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue that was pressed conveniently into her palm the whole time.

“You too Keaton, love you,” I whispered with as much of a smile as one in my mental state can muster. I sat back on my bed when she left. What I wouldn’t give to never have a conversation like that again?

I got up and went to my closet and pulled on a pair of tie-dyed boxer shorts and lime green camisole with the words “LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT” emblazoned on it. I opened my bay window and picked up my Zippo and pack of super slim Parliaments from my desk.

I leaned out the window and flicked the chrome lighter open. I blew the spicy smoke out the window, proud of myself. I only had three left and only smoked once today. Soon this habit would be kicked. I was getting super tired of my fingers smelling like smoke and finding round little burns on some of my favorite clothing.

The plush burgundy bedspread called my name but I decided to stop at the computer first. I plugged in my iPod to sync so it could pick up the new songs I bought late last night. I couldn’t fall asleep last night because of the silence. I was too used to the hum of somebody’s mind tickling at my senses.

I fell back into bed after a couple minutes, curled up with my iPod and book.

The dream seemed to come fast. I found myself lying on my back on a beach. I sat up after a while of just staring up into the clear blue sky. I looked back to a lush green forest and next to me.

There was a boy lying on his back next to me; he had a slight smile playing on his lips but I couldn’t make out his face completely and a smattering of freckles across his bare chest. I lifted my hand and traced across them. He jumped up suddenly and backed away facing me that same clouded over smile looking down at me. I tried to follow him but he ran from me like I was a pariah.

I woke up at seven and rolled over when I looked at the red flashing numbers. But I heard the distant murmur of Kat’s mind, cataloging the items she’d need to pick up for dinner tonight. I got up and hopped into the shower. The water was scalding just as I liked it but I turned down the heat when I washed my hair so the heat wouldn’t make it dull.

I blow-dried my hair while listening to my favorite Queen album. I curled it a bit so it wouldn’t be as flat as yesterday. I paused at the mirror when I was done to admire my hair. It was basically the only thing I could find good about myself. The beachy waves I’d curled into it were shiny and smooth.

I let my gaze fall onto my face in the mirror and watched my mouth uncurl. All the features were seemingly pretty, but everything was just so washed out. I look like a faded photograph. And my skin was so pale it seemed almost transluscent. I looked down at my hands that were squeezing the counter so tight the skin stretched across my knuckles were literally white with no sign of pigment at all. I slowly unlocked each of my fingers from their vice grip on the counter.

I walked into my room shaking my head. The dark thoughts had disappeared but the behavior still resurfaced. I looked outside my window hoping for a ray of sunshine but it was a regular October day, cloudy.

I pulled on a tight pair of black skinny jeans and chose a royal blue baby-doll tunic. I pulled a gray-blue hoodie decorated with little white flowers on the shoulder over it and headed downstairs. Kat had a smoothie and lightly buttered toast waiting for me in the kitchen next to a glass of water and two little pills on blue and one red.

The image of Morpheus and Neo flashed in my mind quickly. Except I wouldn’t get to choose one; I had to swallow both of those giant horse pills.

I could hear her humming and thinking, she kept going over lists in her head, “Potatoes, Filet Mignon, yogurt, strawberries…”

It all blended in after a while and I concluded that she was a serious perfectionist. I had eventually plugged my iPod back in my ears just to drown the monotony out. I much preferred John Mayer’s sexy crooning over a grocery list.

I went back upstairs, slid into gray flats, and grabbed my bag. I ran down the steps, “Bye Kat, thanks for the breakfast,” and out the door.

I sat in the car for about fifteen minutes, mentally preparing myself for the day. And because I was way early, it was 8:05 when I got in the car; school didn’t start until 8:35. I did the breathing exercises Dr. Jannow taught me back home and gunned it out of there. I blasted some poppy tune playing on the radio, since I forgot a CD and didn’t have one of those iPod connector cords.

It didn’t take much getting there. It was just down the main road once I got out of my new neighborhood. The school was pretty generic. Brown brick buildings scattered over a square mile campus. It was just regular. There was a decent amount of expensive cars around but my Rover caught some lingering stares as I pulled into a parking space next to what I hoped was the main building, it was the biggest after all.

I jumped out of the car stumbling from the far drop and noticed a boy a couple cars down watching and coming towards me. I saw him stifle a laugh as I caught myself from falling.

“Hey,” I called seizing the opportunity.

“Hey,” he answered smiling and approaching me. He looked like he stepped out of a skater-mag ad with jeans almost as tight as mine, board shoes, and a brightly colored hoodie. He had longish dirty blond hair that looked like it hadn’t been combed in weeks.

“She must be new, definitely would have noticed her,” I heard him think when he stopped in front of me.

“Could you help me out,” I dug into my bag and pulled out the sheet the administration gave me last week when I came to register.

“Yeah, sure…I take it you’re new,” Skater-boy asked, shaking his wild mane out of his face.

“Yep, I’m supposed to go to the main office. Where is that,” I said looking up at him through my eyelashes. He wasn’t that tall, I was just that short, 5’4” on a good day.

“Mind out of the gutter Zimmerman,” he mumbled in his head. I had to bite my lip from answering him.

“I—I’ll uh take you,” he dug his hands into his pockets and a blush crept up his neck. It’d almost be cute if I didn’t just get a brief mental image of him grabbing my hand and pulling me through the forest behind the school for seclusion. Shudder.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to make you late for class,” I protested, automatic politeness falling into place without any conscious thought on my part. I’ve been toted around to enough dinner parties and galas with my parents to learn how far simple manners can take you.

“Don’t worry we’ve got time. What’s your name again,” he asked

“Chloe Gunn and you,” I extended my hand and automatically thought I was being just a bit too formal. Her grinned, raked a hand through his knotty hair, and just gave me a low five.

“Chase Zimmerman, it’s nice to make your acquaintance,” he answered out loud and added, “Very nice,” in his head.

“You know not many people know this but Zimmerman is Bob Dylan’s last name,” I said pulling out another fail proof method in diffusing awkwardness. I’m pretty much the authority on random information that will never get you anywhere except start a conversation.

Chase’s eyebrows rose up high and he smiled even wider. His readable thoughts were far and few in between. Like lots of people, he thought in colors and images and feelings. “You’re like the first person I’ve ever met who’s known that.”

“Well, you live in a small town.”

“I haven’t always lived in this crap-ass town,” Chase protested, as if it was a capitol offense. An image of a beach flashed in his mind and then fish tacos.

“Let me guess…somewhere in southern California,” I said crossing my fingers.

“How’d you you,” he said crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’ve lived in San Diego when I was a kid, but I honestly don’t remember much. You just seem very West coast and California seemed like my best bet,” I answered with a shrug. This guy could be my first friend; he was easy enough to talk to.

We walked into the building into a deserted hall but I could hear the hum growing. A dull ache started at the back of my neck, by second period I’d be in full-on migraine mode if I didn’t have any headache medicine handy.

“Where are you from?”

“Let’s just say I’ve lived in every region of the country except the south; I last lived in Chicago it was my favorite,” I kneaded the back of my neck trying to hold off the pain.

“That’s pretty shitty moving from the third biggest city in the country to this piss-hole,” he said and I laughed at his graphic language. It was just the same way in his head.

“You really don’t like it here?”

“Nope, no good places to skate and no good skaters, unless you…If this girl skates I’ll propose,” He finished the rest of his thought in his mind and I blushed a bit.

“No, I’m way too clumsy. You saw I could barely handle getting out of my car,” I said with a laugh that was halfway forced. I was somewhere in between being embarrassed and flattered.

“So you’re a what?”

“I’m a junior,” I picked needlessly at the hem of my tunic and bit my lip.

“Good, I am too. Here we are,” Chase opened the office door for me, “maybe we’ll have a class together. I’ll see ya Chloe.”

He walked off, long limbs flailing, and I was left smiling. I walked further into the bland office. It was gray all over. I took two steps toward the long gray counter, “Hi, I’m Chloe Gunn, I’m new today.”

“Oh, I remember you from yesterday. I have your schedule and a map of the campus here. You probably won’t need that though; pretty girl like you, they’ll be lining up to walk you to class,” she said pushing up her glasses and I blushed scarlet.

“Thank you, Miss,” my eyes flicked to the plaque with her name on it, “Blat. Do I have to bring anything back after school is over?”

“No, you don’t have to come back unless a teacher has a special request. Now I’ll explain the block schedule to you. Monday and Friday you have all of your classes. But one Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday there’s a block schedule that changes everyday. Maybe you’ve had one like this at your old school,” she looked up at me through her thin auburn bangs.

“Oh yeah, we had one just like this at my old school in Chicago. I get it. Well, I’ll just head off to class if that’s all,” I said, rushing things along.

“Alrighty, feel free to come back if you have any problems. Have a good day Chloe,” she said brightly and after one last thank you I was out of there.

The hall wasn’t deserted anymore; I could feel the hum building by every passing second in there. I concentrated on not making eye contact with anyone. Eye contact and concentration on their voice was the way I heard someone. I tried not to look at my schedule too much and I weaved between and around people standing around talking and getting things out of their lockers.

I still caught a few comments about the new girl and many lingering stares from mostly guys, which I could deal with, since I was used to it. This would hopefully be my last move before college, thank God.

I finally made it to A-12 where my first class, English 3: Literature, Language, and Composition, was held. There was no teacher in the room, just a smattering of students in lined up desks. I stood awkwardly at the front of the class not wanting to sit in anyone’s desk.

The teacher didn’t come in until all the students were in the class; there was one seat left in the back of the middle row that I was about to go for when a woman in a great suit and deep red hair pulled back into a low chignon came in, “Oh, Gosh I forgot you were coming today. I would have got here on time for once.”

“Class we have a new student in our midst. This is Chloe Gunn, from Chicago,” she said then turned to me, “you can sit in…well the only available seat,” she leaned in and whispered, “I moved around a lot when I was in high school, so I won’t make you do that whole intro thing.”

I walked to my seat and sat. Ms. Hershrew passed out copies of The Great Gatsby. A book I’d already read and studied; this should be easy. She also handed me a class syllabus and expectations sheet.

She lectured on setting and the role it plays in the book for the rest of the fifty minute period. I sat doodling in my sketch book and debating on whether to add to the dress I started sketching last night. When the bell rang and I was totally zoned out. I rushed to put my sketch pad and assignment notebook back in my bag and stood. There were two people waiting for me by the classroom door.

“Hey,” one girl said brightly; I couldn’t have predicted her tone. She was wearing slightly baggy, slightly tight black cargos, a loose gray and black striped rugby, and great bright red Doc Martens. Her hair was dyed jet black with red bang and her eyes rimmed thickly with kohl liner which actually fit her wide set moss green eyes.

“Hey, I’m Chloe,” I said slowly. This would be a test of whether I could keep control. Oddly enough the Prozac had been helping with hearing thoughts, I could only hear their voices if I concentrated.

“We know. I’m Jake and this is Kelsi,” said the rod thin boy with a flop of shiny white blonde hair in his eyes; he was cute except for the skinniness. He was wearing Billabong board shorts and a tight Zooyork shirt. They’d be an adorably cute couple if Kelsi added a punch of color besides red to her wardrobe, “Where are you going next? Kelsi figures we should be your welcoming committee since this place didn’t give you one.”

“Thanks,” I said pulling out my schedule and blurted, “I love those boots.”

“Love your jeans,” she shot back, smiling and revealing a center gap in her teeth that I somehow found cute instead of off-putting.

“I’m uh going to the East Building—E231,” I said my nose buried in my paper. I looked up into Jake’s eyes.

“I may be in love with Kels but that girl’s got something. Something…just something,” I quickly looked away. Now I just had to learn to keep people out when looking at them. They’d probably been best friends since first grade and Kelsi had no idea about his undying love.

“Oh, us too. Let’s head out,” Kelsi said and I fell into step in between them. When we stepped out of the building the buzz grew louder and I had to concentrate on their voices do discern between them and the purr of voices in the back of my head. I felt a wave of dizziness wash over me and I had to keep my fist clenched at my sides to keep my concentration.

“So where are you from,” Jake said pulling a Twix out of his back pocket.

“Chicago, but I think I’ll like a quiet town for a change,” I lied raking a hand through my thick black mane. Thank God I went to get it cut before the move. I loved the cut my stylist did for me, longish wispy bangs and a long blunt cut.

“Is your color natural,” Kelsi asked.

“Yeah,” I said we were now walking on a crowded path and every time someone brushed me my concentration faded ad I could feel their thoughts slipping into my mind.

“Yeah, I thought so; it’s more natural black whereas mine’s jet black.”

“Is there somewhere you go around here or do you do it yourself?”

“Actually my mom’s a stylist so she does it. Her place is in Portland though,” she said. That cleared up a lot, since she had virtually no damage, not an easy feat with black and red hair, “If you need to get something done. She’ll do it here. We get a lot of house calls.”

“I’ve been sort of freaking out about it; I’m thinking of hacking it all off,” I blurted without thinking and then internally banged my head against an imaginary wall for the use of a word indicative of death.

“What?! No you can’t its gorgeous. Should she cut it, Jake,” she stopped abruptly in the middle of the path. I heard a bunch of people thinking about mouthing off to her but none actually did.

“Nahh, it’s nice,” he said and I knew he was only agreeing with Kelsi because of his undying love. The boy couldn’t care less, which was pretty much fine with me.

“Thanks,” I said looking ahead when I heard Kelsi’s breathe catch in her throat.

I followed her gaze to three boys walking toward us. I got the sense that they were brothers because the bone structure was all the same but they were all very different and very gorgeous. They were very different than anyone I’d ever seen; their beauty was past movie star looks. They were perfect, unlike movie stars whose quirks made you love them more. My pulse hammered just looking at them.

One was walking in my path laughing at something the older looking blond brother said. The brother in front of me was way taller than me and obviously didn’t notice me in front of him because he ran right into me. When we came within a couple inches of each other his hand brushed my neck, sending an electric jolt through me. All of the sudden all my nerve endings were on full alert. He slammed into me sending me flailing backwards (probably because my body turned to jelly when he touched me).

He caught me easily snaking one arm around my back and pushing me forward. He simultaneously righted my balance when I grabbed his arm for stability and moved himself out of the way. I saw a small chrome object fall out my bag. My stomach filled with dread when he reached down to grab the lighter.

“I’m sorry,” he said smiling down at me; his voice was light and airy with an undertone of amusement, “That was totally my fault.”

His smile was radiant and I felt like I’d seen it before. He had dark brown hair that was lightly tossed and warm gorgeous brown eyes. He wasn’t smiling now but his lips curved up at the sides. He had razor sharp cheek bones, flawless skin, and his had a slight shadow on his jaw like he forgot to shave this morning

“No, I sort of space out,” I answered after a few seconds of blank staring. I tried my hardest not to ogle at his beauty or his brothers’, “No worries though.”

“Well,” he said his brow furrowing. We stared at each other for a couple of awkward moments until he said, “Uh, I’ll see you later,” his eyes glanced down at my lighter again and I blushed deeply. He pocketed it and turned around.

I didn’t say bye, I was too stunned. I nudged Kelsi along because she was still staring at the boy, “Hey, Kelsi who were those guys?”

“The blonde is Jackson, the one you ran into is Derrick, and the red-head one is Benedict but everyone calls him Benny,” Kelsi said and I heard Jake sigh next to her. Kelsi’s eyes glazed over and I got a mental image of her shoving her tongue down Jackson’s throat.

“Oh, they’re uh…,” I said searching for a word that wouldn’t annoy Jake, “They’re um—”

“You know your reaction wasn’t as bad as most girls. Kelsi’s motor skills were totally off the day they came,” he cut in chuckling to himself. I was thankful for his easygoing take, since I was sure those three had been a figment of my imagination.

“They haven’t lived here for long?”

“No they just came a year ago,” Jake answered, holding the door open for Kelsi and I.

“Oh,” I said looking to both of them to see if they noticed the lighter oddness; they didn’t.

When I sat in my seat for French and zoned out like I usually did in class his eyes were the first thing I thought about. His mouth was a close second and I momentarily worried about whether I stared at his lips too long or clutched his arm too tightly when he grabbed me. But those thoughts only bothered me for a little while when I realized what was eating away at the back of my mind.

I stared right at him and touched him and didn’t catch an errant thought from Derrick, Jackson, or Benedict. Now that was odd. Oh, yeah, and the fact that he totally lifted my lighter.

A/N: This isn’t a new story for me, I’m just editing for now, the upcoming chapters will have plot changes though.

Please review!