To Be Normal

For as long as I can remember there’s been paparazzi, filming, cameras, acting, make-up artists, fans, everything. I watch some of these TV shows, some that I play a character in and wonder what a real school is like. Are they really so crazy, so much like this? Is the TV really so fake or is it really like this. I’m not sure.

All my life I’ve been an actress. I was never given a choice about it. It wasn’t what I wanted. If I was normal, if I had been given the chance to be normal then maybe I would want to be famous now but being famous forever. It’s all I know. It’s not what I want. No one understands that though.

There’s no one real to talk to. Everyone is so fake and pretend. People sell out to the paparazzi all the time even the people you think are your best friends. It doesn’t matter, anything to make more money.

I’m really not interested in the money anymore. All I want to do is be normal. Spend a few days, a few hours in something normal. I don’t want to see the paparazzi, any make-up artists, no fans, and no cameras. I want to be able to walk around in pure day light without having to hide my face in fear of the paparazzi or fans coming up wanting my autograph.

I love that I can make people so happy but I want to be happy too. Is that asking for too much? Maybe when you’re famous is it too much to ask. I just wish that I had been given a choice. I just wanted to have the chance to be normal, it’s not possible now. Too many people know my name. Too many people follow me around. There are too many fans. It’s just too crazy. I would never get a real chance.

If I could, if it were possible like in the movies and shows I play in I would love to have the chance to turn back time. I would love to be able to see what my life would be like if I were normal. Would I be happy? Would I be poor? What would it be like, great, horrible, or wonderful? I wish I could see.

I look to the stars on the set and make my wish. All I want to do is be normal, for real, not in a movie or TV show. I want to be normal, just normal.

It’s been years since I first started making this wish. Every time I see a star, day or night, real or fake, I make my wish. I doubt it will ever come true but it’s a wonderful thing to dream of. It is in my eyes anyways.

I continue to act, everyone wants me too, and how can I just say no? I act as they wish, be who they wish to see. I’ll be the villain, the hero, the school girl, the best friend, the spy, anything. Just tell me what you want to see and I’ll be able to say I’ve done it. If by some miracle I haven’t be sure to keep watching, I can make you any bet that I will soon.

I am someone who is fake. I am an actress with no life outside your TV sets. This is how I am viewed by the general public and the paparazzi. I can not change their views and I honestly, will not try. It will serve of no point but to get me more attention – as if I don’t already have enough.

Instead I’ll sit and wait for a possible dream come true. I’ll do what I can as an actress for now until I can make my move. One day I’ll stop and say no more I’m through. For now though I am left here to do my job, as an actress for you. Its not that hard, I’m far used to it by now, I don’t even have to try anymore. It all just comes so naturally.

It gets hard to tell sometimes. You know, to be able to tell what’s real and what’s fake. Even things about myself, I can not always be sure. I sometimes can’t tell if I’m me or one of the people I pretend to be. It can get confusing, but I try my best. Maybe one day the normal life will be seen as fit for me. I look forward to that day, like a little dream come true.