Finding Kaedin

Method Six: Foundling

By Jessica Jay

Chapter One -- (Tocho)

His name was Tocho. He was not a man of any particular merit, or of note. Tocho had lived thirty-seven years as a Ruroushin man and more than half of those as the Koni of his caravan. From a young age people had gravitated toward him, listened to him, because he had a way of speaking that brought others to care about him.

He was not one of the most loved Koni of his time, but one of the most troubled. Two months ago a call was sent out through all caravans, a call for him, Koni Tocho son of Kai. The High Koni wanted to speak with him and it was obvious what their conversation would be about. There was no other reason for a High Koni to call someone out as that, no reason other than to pass the title on as Lord Lecoharazon had commanded them.

Tocho felt sick.

He rode at the front of his caravan, leading all those people for the sake of himself, and that was enough to start a gnawing guilt at the bottom of his stomach. The people following behind depended on him for their livelihood, for food and water - enough tents to sleep, enough swords to protect themselves, the spirit to continue their lives. He was full to the brim with worry for them and in a few short hours that would expand. He would be responsible for not only this small band of people - but for the entire nation of nomads who wandered the lands of Devonmire. With all that resting heavily on his shoulders, he hung his head and sighed. Why me?

Riding across the border into the mists he shivered at the feeling of entering that mysterious country. Since his caravan mostly dealt with the south and east he had not been north since he was boy - since before Borro Tye died. My, my, such a long time... the scenery hadn't changed much. Myst was still a creepy, foggy bog. Should he have felt bad for the younger gods who had to pick over what was left of Devonmire after their older brothers took the best lands? Dhasop had certainly been jilted. Did they quarrel about it? Can the gods quarrel?

They came abruptly, as do most in such a fog, to a turn in the road. And he turned the horses that way as well, all the while worrying about what he would say to Dyami. He had only met the man once, and again he was baffled. We've only met once. Why choose me? If he was a more arrogant man he might have thought of the many things his caravan had accomplished in the world - continuing trade with the Tsugeoka after the bridges were destroyed - or even successfully selling eastern goods to western merchants! But none of that crossed his mind, none of it made sense, even if he had done those things it had been his people in the end - those who followed him, who had the success.

He was nothing more than a face and a voice they used. And he would prefer to stay that way for the rest of his life! Sighing once more, he barely turned when the curtain behind him opened and one of the caravan children poked her head out. "I'm hungry."

"Where's your mother?"

"Here." She motioned behind. He wondered when they had climbed inside and blamed his woeful thoughts for missing it. And Dyami wants me to be High Koni? The little girl climbed further out, sitting beside him with a small noise. "I'm really hungry."

"Well." He let his breath out his nose and turned, reaching for his bags just inside. Hands were already there, a pretty face smiled and he wondered if this caravan would be able to take care of itself without a Koni at all. "There you are, Momone. Didn't she get enough breakfast?"

The girl's mother, Momone, winked at him as she rummaged through his bags. It had long been that way with her, with everyone really, how could he say he looked after the people in his caravan if they couldn't ask anything of him? They were free to his food, his clothes, anything he kept in the cart.

"No one had enough breakfast. You put us on our feet before the porridge even cooled." It wasn't a complaint but his stomach hurt with his guilt once more.

He rubbed his forehead, smoothing the lines there and putting them back in place with a frown. "Take some for everyone then. There's a round of cheese in one of the crates there as well."

"Don't make that face!" She whined and laughed, breaking a piece of bread and holding it out for him. "I'll feel guilty!"

They stared at each other for a longer moment, him wondering if it were possible that anyone could feel worse than he did and her holding an offering of bread. Her daughter snatched it up before either said a word, thanking him loudly and wriggling back inside the cart in the slippery way children did. Laughing, Momone tore him another piece and shoved it against his lips without waiting. "Have you eaten since last night? I know you weren't at breakfast."

"My stomach hurts."

"You'll worry a hole in it before we reach Ruiz." She popped the bread in his mouth as he tried to answer, laughing at the face he made and the way he choked on it. "Why not stop again? I could have the others help me cook something quickly - you could send out Thomas and Dennis to hunt."

Chewing thoughtfully, he licked his teeth and swallowed. That's not a bad idea... Thomas is fast... But then we would have to wait for the meat to cook. "We're nearly in Ruiz now." He sat up straighter. "If they're hungry give them the bread and cheese. I'll send Thomas when we've reached the High Koni."

"As you wish." She smiled again, finally pulling herself back inside. He was left to the quiet of his thoughts once more, even the muffled sounds of Momone finding the cheese stopped. Silence. The sound of his horse walking was muted against the mists and he shivered, once more wondering how anyone got used to the way Myst could make someone's skin crawl and stomach churn. It was the feeling of a hundred tiny feathers tickling at him, hundreds of priests all reaching for him, all sensing his approach. He wondered if at that very moment the Tye Priest was thinking toward him.

Gradually the sounds and mists began to change, a loud rushing sound, he leaned forward in his seat and tried to squint ahead. He could hear the Ruiz river, knew it would connect with the road just outside the city, and wrapped the slack reigns around his hands twice. Now his stomach was turning inside out, climbing up his throat. The appointment waiting for him in that city was going to turn his entire life upside down. Nothing would be the same.

Would Momone still come? Would her daughter still ask him for food? Would he be able to hunt with Thomas and Dennis? He couldn't believe he would still have time for them after he was High Koni. Even Josten was rumoured to have a second Koni under him, looking after his own caravan. He was only a short cart ride away from the world of those who were chained to the land - those to built themselves cages in to live in for the rest of their lives - who controlled Devonmire. It was the High Koni who spoke for the nomads, who built the bridge between their two worlds and kept that bond strong.

"AH!" He grabbed his head, feeling dizzy. "Lords and Gods Almighty what is Dyami thinking?!"

There was no more time to fret. The mists cleared ahead of him, the marquees of the High Koni's tents welcomed him. They had camped right on the road, a wide path down the center, as if waiting for him to arrive. Of course they were waiting for me. He tried to swallow and found his mouth was too dry. It hurt. He wondered what would happen if he ran away. Could he actually say no? No one had ever said no before. Not Josten, not Den, not Dyami - perhaps he could die in infamy, the only coward who had refused to become High Koni.

Was he that selfish?

Maybe I am... maybe I don't care if I am!

Rurousha walked into the road, seeing him coming, they waved and approached as if welcoming a missing party. As if his caravan had merely been split apart from theirs for a time and he was leading them back to the fold like a shepherd with his sheep.

"You've come!" One called, a chorus of voices echoed his sentiment, and then they were surrounded. Unsteady, he tried to look smooth and confident when he jumped down from the cart. Nervously watching as the High Koni's people took the reigns and a man he didn't know climbed into his seat and gave him a friendly nod.

He didn't remember if he nodded back, only that he watched them expertly leading his people away. They split his caravan up, got out their tents, helped them settle, and he stood in the middle of the road holding his hands to keep them from shaking. Watching from a distance, he saw Momone and her daughter laying out the poles of their family tent. Smiling, a moment of warmth touched him as he watched the little girl trying to carry one on her own, swinging around, it caught on their cart and she fell backwards. So cute, he chuckled, what are you doing? His heart wrenched just as suddenly, the warmth turned into a knife. Will she hate me after this? Will she hate me when I'm too busy to share with her?

"Koni Tocho?" They called his name. This was it. He turned to the Ruroushin man who waited for him. There were probably streams of people who arrived to speak with the High Koni. This was routine for him, so normal, deferring the extra guests and accommodating them with an almost mechanical ease. His stomach dropped when he thought of his people becoming like that. Would Thomas one day stand politely with strangers and guide them to his tent as if he were some sort of king?

"Would you like something to drink? Something to eat?"

He compared that to Momone shoving bread in his mouth and thought he might cry.

"No. Let's just get this over with."

The man grinned. "Well said." Tocho was struck, realizing that he wanted it over just as much. Did they hate it? Did everyone in Dyami's caravan hate him? Were they glad he had arrived to take this burden away from their leader? He imagined them celebrating the moment he and his people disappeared into the mist.

+ ... +

Inside Dyami's tent he was greeted with warm drinks. Though it was a long time from autumn there was a fire burning inside, driving out the chill of the mists. He knew he was being childish, but his mind was attracted to every little thing that was wrong inside. He didn't like the fire, he didn't like the colour of the High Koni's cushions, he didn't like the smell of his incense, he walked inside with the demeanour of an ungrateful and spoiled child.

Just as he was looking around for the Koni he heard a voice whisper from within a pile of cushions. "Koni Dyami, Tocho has come." His mind went wild again, angry at the lavishness of this man. That he would lounge in his pillows and not so much as bother to rise and greet someone whose life he was about to ruin.

"Come closer." A hand raised from the pile, withered and shaking. He frowned and as he eyes adjusted he was able to see the person beside the cushions who had whispered. She watched Tocho only from the corner of her eye, her focus on Dyami, and he felt his stomach twist as he came upon the old man.

"You've come." He smiled and wheezed from his bed. He... he's ancient! Tocho snapped his mouth shut, eyes rounder than saucers as he stared down at the shriveled old man. His eyes were white with cataracts, skin like leather and dried paper, and his smile was yellow and shattered like a broken window. "I worried you would run from me Tocho son of Kai."

"Erum..." He couldn't seem to find his tongue. Well, that's right after all, my own father has passed on and Dyami was older than he was... I suppose I should have known. "Uh - I'm here."

"Sit down." He patted the cushions beside him. They were in such a mound he wasn't sure how he was expected to sit, but knelt on the edge of the pile, legs crossed under him, the girl handed him a larger one as if he should lounge with them. Face turning red, he awkwardly attempted to lie with them, sliding down the pile and gracelessly stopping at the bottom. He was on his stomach, looking up at Dyami, and that seemed the best place for him.

"How was your journey?" He asked when he had quieted his struggling. The girl was stroking the top of Dyami's head, concerned, and his eyes flicked from her and back before he answered.

"It's been a time since we've been this far north."

Dyami grunted an agreement, reaching out his hand. The girl took it, placing it carefully on Tocho's head and he held perfectly still as the old man patted him like he was a good little boy. Cheeks burning, he held his breath until the High Koni was satisfied. "Raquelle, leave us now."

She jerked, alarmed - they both were. It appeared he was depending on her and Tocho wasn't sure he could bring himself to aid this old man. Quietly though, obedient, she nodded. "I'll wait outside." Her voice was hardly a whisper, Tocho thought he was intruding on a private conversation as the High Koni shook his head.

"No." He lifted up, or tried to, and his face turned an alarming shade of violet when he did. "Stay away. Tell the others, no one must come near here."

She was reluctant, he could see it in her eyes. Dyami probably couldn't see anything. "Y-yes." Watching her go, his stomach dropping to the bottoms of his feet, he stared at the door of the tent long after she had disappeared. His heart was racing, alone with the High Koni, just a breath away from the words that would change his life forever - he felt as if the space in the tent was much too small. It was hot, he was sweating. He couldn't breathe.

"Tocho." Dyami spoke in his withered voice. He was angry at him suddenly for being such an old man. How could he hate someone so feeble? It wasn't fair. Dyami had tricked him somehow. "So. It has come to this. To you and to me."

"So it has." He spoke with a sigh. Dyami only blinked his sightless eyes. "Come swiftly, like a midnight rain."

To this, he smiled, wheezing a laugh. "Ah. I have remembered you well young man. I have remembered you well... good... my heart is glad."

He wasn't sure what Dyami remembered about him to make him so glad, but he was certain that it wasn't true. A moment away from opening his mouth to tell him so, he shut it again when Dyami held out his hand. Wrinkling his nose, he had no intention of helping him pat his head again. "Take my hand Tocho."

"A-un." Wrapping his fingers around his bony hand, he shivered. It was cold and sent a chill through his whole body.

His fingers seemed to quiver in his grip, thin and weak, they flexed involuntarily and he struggled not to grip too firmly. "I'm making you High Koni, Tocho."

He had no response to that. Something he already knew, that he had been dreading for weeks. The words were spoken, it was real, he had a sharp stabbing pain in his chest when he breathed in. "Yes. I... I know."

"Our god, Lecoharazon, first put Josten over the Rurousha. This is a position created by god. You must fulfill it as if the gods themselves had borne it unto you." His fingers twitched as he gripped his hand, his voice was small, weak, such an old man... "Promise me, Tocho, that you will choose someone long before you are as old as I."

I'll rid myself of this sooner than any other has. Spirit lifting a bit at that thought, he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. I will. I swear it."

"Good."

They paused. So much was left to say. He had many questions, some he had never thought of asking until that moment when it was real. How would he be High Koni? What was important? What was expected of him? He couldn't seem to ask - asking made it permanent. Asking and learning would be like locking the shackles around his wrists and ankles with his own hands.

"Tocho, we carry a burden. A secret. The secrets of Lord Lecoharazon and of Josten himself. The secret of the High Koni. You must also swear never to breathe a word of this to another. Never to a lover, a child, not another soul until you have chosen someone to pass this legacy on to."

He felt his ears tingling. A secret? "I swear I will keep our god's secrets." He found his lips moving, his voice speaking, even as his arms and legs turned numb.

"The gods are dead."

The tingling in his ears turned to a ringing, he was falling suddenly and caught himself with a gasp. "I beg your pardon?"

"The gods are not coming back. They did not ascend to heaven. They are dead."

His throat closed. Everything in his world suddenly turned on its head. "That can't be."

Dyami took a slow breath, a shaky gasp, and nodded. "I suppose I had a face much like yours when Den told me these things."

"I don't believe you!" He was on his feet like a shot, shouting, and his heart suddenly jack rabbited back to life in his chest. That couldn't be true! "That - that - that's blasphemy! There's no way! The gods can't be dead! You're mad!"

"Calm down!" Dyami was up again, face turning purple as he tried to rise and his voice cracking when he tried to raise it. Tocho quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, hoping he hadn't killed the man with his outburst, but his heart was still racing. None of that could be true... none of it. What about all the prayers they spoke everyday? What about all the scriptures and teachings? Where was their hope if the gods were dead and never to return? Who would save them?

"Lecoharazon was the last. Once they were all dead, he was alone, and he left this secret with Josten, who passed it on to Den, who passed it to me. And now, Tocho, I pass it on to you."

"I have never wished for such a thing." He rasped, beside himself. "I have never..."

"Lord Roun's son." Dyami couldn't hold himself up anymore and dropped back in to the pillows. "The sixth god... had a son..."

"A son?"

"Born of a human girl."

"Hold. Sixth god? Who, Roun, you say?"

The old man blinked, labouring to breathe, and Tocho felt a touch of guilt for upsetting him. He was so frail, so close to death, he must have been clutching to the end of his life as he waited for him to arrive - refusing to die until he had passed on the last words of their god... He sat down again, repentant. "There was a sixth god?"

"Yes. Don't you know of it?"

"I've never heard such a thing..."

Dyami nodded slowly, reaching for his hand again, and he took it easily this time. "I suppose that it has become part of the old stories, just as Den intended. If no one knows of a sixth god there is even less chance of his son being discovered."

He nodded, agreeing, that made sense in the twisted new reality he had been dropped in to. "But... if he had a son... where is he now?"

"Where indeed..." He wheezed, coughing in a hard and phlegmy way. It made Tocho wince. "This is the purpose of our knowing the secret. Lecoharazon has planned to save us through Roun's blood line. But it will take time, years, generation after generation, and the purpose of the High Koni is to follow this blood line until the time comes for our god's will to be fulfilled."

"I - I see." He wondered if it was as hard for him to breathe as Dyami. "Where is he?"

"You know of the Mystidian Nobles?" Another question answered with a question. He felt something snap in his chest and bit down on his lip to keep from shouting. "Yes, I know of them."

"You recall the Minot Noble house?"

"Minot..." He mouthed the name, desperately racking his thoughts for a memory of it. Perhaps he had heard it in passing, something... something about a connection to the Tye house. "I've... heard of it."

"They only have one son. No matter how many children the patriarch of that family has... only one of them will be a male child."

"So it's them? The Minot house? What's his name?" He had loathed to stay another moment in Myst but suddenly all he could think about was finding where the Minot house was and riding there at day break. One man the son of a god? How could the world sleep at night? And, as he thought, he found Dyami had taken long to speak. Very long. When he looked he saw the old man was crying and his heart dropped once more. "What is it? Don't tell me he's dead too?"

"Not dead. Lost. I should have known to keep a closer eye on that one. His father... his father loved women - loved a great many women. It's been twenty five years and his wife has only born him daughters. Now he is an old man, an old man without a son..." Dyami's voice cracked again, heart breaking. "I've lost him. Somewhere there is a boy who doesn't know his father..."

Tocho was awash with grief again. Grief and a hot red anger. What was this?! A descendant of a god and this man was nothing but a philandering scoundrel?! "Does he know? Does this man know what he's done?" He found his voice growling and coughed.

"No!" The High Koni panicked. "And he must not! He must never know!"

"Wha - ?"

"An edict from the house of Tye. We may only watch over the Minot line until the time comes. You must never speak to them on any of these matters." Calming, he gasped for air - too much for an old man, and Tocho tried to speak in a gentler voice, opposite of what his heart was feeling. "What should be done? How do we find his son?"

"Ah." And the High Koni - former High Koni - smiled. "That's better, Tocho son of Kai. I've not chosen you in vain. Neve Minot spent many years travelling the lands of Illiberra - and you know them best. His son must be there. He must be."

Heart plummeting, he struggled as his head throbbed. So many blows to his understanding of the world in one day, he felt as if the room was spinning. "But... there are so many. Do you have any idea how many bastard children there are in just one city, let alone the entire country?!"

"He will have a certain appearance - much like his father." Dyami assured him, squeezing his hand once more. "Many fatherless children, but how many in the dark skinned south would be born with red hair and eyes as pale green as the ocean?"

"Red hair? Green eyes?" He felt faint. "Is that all?"

"You'll find him." Dyami smiled a crooked, broken smile. "You have the rest of your life to search."

He laid down suddenly, wondering if Dyami had known the weight his words would have and had deliberately set the cushions out for him to lie on. My whole life... He didn't know whether to be angry or to cry.

"When the ways of man fail and fall we look to the Gods who will save us all." - From the traditional Ruroushin song 'A Tale of Devonmire'.