I'm starting to feel it.

It... a sense of detachement from this pillowbook.

This penname, this fictionpress, these stories.

It's like someone else takes them over after a certain number of entries. They start off beautiful and gradual and honest, but, over time, the honest entries become more and more sporadic, and finally... they completely dissipate.

I suppose this is largely due to the fact that I'm fearful of what other's will think of what I write. I'll say I'm not, that I don't care...

But I do.

I care about what I write because I don't want to hurt anyone.

The truth is, I've never felt like I've written a pillowbook just for me.

Ever

And, at this point, I'm sure that it won't ever happen until I can get over my fear.

That's another personality trait I need to work on. Being less fearful of others.

If you're close to me, I'm scared of you. Of the many ways you can hurt me, of what you think about me, and how you'll see me.

For now, this is my last public pillowbook.

The End