1Let me determine myself

as a cloud determines its pattern

as it slips across the sky.

I need to see

what there is for me

before I can hold your hand.

I hate every part of you.

The way you can frown

and it cuts me,

the way you say my name

and I cry because I miss you

and need you by my side.

Let me decide

what I could possibly do

with a grain of freedom,

a single one, for me.

We’ll see if I need to have you,

or if the soft skin in my dreams

belongs to another lover.

We’ll see if my fingers touch truth

or if I’m destined to touch you,

only you with a caress.

I can’t tell if my feelings are real

or naive, induced by pain.

I can’t tell what I love.