Chapter 11

This ain't sex

Daddy zipped up his fly, after he was finished with me. His lips collided with mine again, I could taste alcohol mingled with dripping wet saltiness (his sweat) as he smiled and pulled away from my lips. I couldn’t even look him in the face; my tears were too stubborn to stop. He pressed his body against mine, as he bent down to my ear, his hand grabbing my butt.

“This will be our little secret and if I find out this isn’t our little secret anymore, I’ll make sure your buried six feet under. You hear that baby girl?” I kept my mouth shut, I was on the verge of throwing up everything was just making me so sick.

I nodded my head slowly.

“Good.” His voice was low, as he cleared his throat.

He released me and turned his back on me as he walked back to the living room; he grabbed the beer he set on the coffee table on his way back to the couch. He plopped down on the couch and turned the television on.

I wanted to throw up so bad, but my legs wouldn’t let me move. I was too scared and disgusted to even think about moving. I loathed the way how he could go on about his way after taking my virginity. His eyes flickered to where I was and then my torn green blouse. My bubble gum pink bra was lying on the floor, at that moment I realized my breast were exposed. I dropped to the ground, my arms flying over my chest as I felt for my bra and grabbed it.

Daddy tilted in his seat a little so that he could get a clear view of my exposed chest. I panicked; I hope he wasn’t hoping for a round two.

I stood up and rushed down the hallway to my room and slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. I leaned against my door with my hand over my mouth, that same sick feeling still just sitting there at the base of my throat.

My hand cupped around my mouth and muffled the loud wheezing cry I let out as I slid down so that my butt could hit the floor. I leaned my head back, tilting it upwards so that I could see nothing but the ceiling as I let my tears fall freely.

Anthony’s Interlude

“How are Isabella’s kids? I heard Belladonna is coming to America next summer for college?” my mother asked in her native tongue, Italian. She said something else, but I couldn’t quite make it out. I could barely understand what she just said, shit I don’t know how I understood it in the first place.

My grandmother and grandfather were here, as were my two first cousins Marius and Neola. Kara was upstairs with Neola on Myspace and catching up on old times, while Marius and I were sitting blankly in the kitchen listening to my mom and dad converse in the formal living room chatting about the life going on down in Italy where my mother’s family lived.

Marius could speak English, but damn…his accent was really heavy, sometimes I couldn’t even understand what he was saying.

“So where is the girlfriend, you were talking to me about on the mobile phone today, Antonio?” Yeah, for some reason he seems to call me Antonio. When Anthony and Antonio or to different names, which makes no sense to me at all.

Meg? Where the hell was she? I called her twice just five minutes ago and she still wasn’t picking up. I was beginning to grow worried, what if she got in another one of those accidents.

“Uh…she should be here, by now. I’m going to call her now.” I’d been telling Marius, one of the only bearable cousins on my mom’s side of the family that I usually hung out with when we got together like this, all about Meg and how serious we were.

His response was just pure interest, not at all

He was perched over the counter top in our kitchen, a half a glass of Ratti Concha Barolo red wine in his hand as he flipped through my old phonebook of girls that I used to keep in touch with.

When Marius had stayed with us the summer before I met Meg, he’d slept with half the girls in my phone book. He was just looking for a one night fling tonight; it was a long day for him. Sometimes…or maybe once every blue moon, whenever Meg and I would be in a fight or if she were pms’ing or some shit like that. I would find myself missing those times. I’d find myself longing for the no strings attached nights and then just as quickly the thought would land it would take its flight in the same amount of time.

I don’t care if I sound gay or corny as hell when I say this, but I’ve stumbled so far in love with Meg it’s a million times better than sex. I don’t feel pleasure for a minute when I’m with her, I just feel it all the time and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life. I know this sounds selfish, but I’m glad her and her mother ran away. I’m glad I met her and…I’m glad my dad beat up my mom or I would have never went to The Spot and met Meg.

My fingers pressed 3 and the green phone key on my dial pad, I listened to Jay Sean’s, Down, featuring Lil Wayne (Meg’s dial tone), as I waited anxiously for her to pick up. Not even two seconds into the song it went straight to voice mail. I tried again two more times for confirmation, after the third time it going to voicemail was all the confirmation I needed to get my ass out of the house and over to Meg’s to see what was up.

“I have to go Marius, I think something’s wrong.” I said, as I grabbed a random pair of keys before jetting out the garage door.

End Interlude

I’d fully washed my body five times after I heard heavy footsteps stomp their way out the front door. I’d checked the house for any trace of him before I fully got dressed down again in this house and washed his bodily remains from me. I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin was raw and even red in lighter areas of my body.

I tried getting in and out of the shower, just in case he’d come back and peaked at me in the shower. But the heat of the pounding water felt good against my sticky perspired skin, my tears blending in with the water as I decided to wash my hair. I made sure to attend every inch of my body with care, trying to wash away ever strand of evidence. How could I?

How could I just sit there and have sex with my very own father, my flesh and blood. I shivered in disgust at just the thought.

I shook in tears as I relieved the water from the faucet and stepped out of the shower with a green towel wrapped tightly around my body. I could barely walk, my private area felt so sore. I defogged my mirror, with a swipe of the hand as I examined the large dark purple oval plane as day against my paled mocha complexion. I looked completely horrible, no doubt. The bruise claimed the area just below eye and to the side of it, as if someone were coloring around my eye with purple.

I cried even harder at the thought of trying to get out of the house and around my friends with this thing. There was no way I’d be able to do it and Eboni had that baby shower tomorrow.

I pushed everything to the back of my head as I began to comb my wet hair out and blow dried it. When I was finished, I searched for my large lime green T-shirt and sweat pants, but came up short with nothing. I’d left all of my clothes in my room and on my bed.

I walked out of my bathroom with my towel still wrapped tightly around my body; my eyes flew to the door in my room that was supposed to be locked. It still was closed and the clothes I’d stripped out of were still sitting innocently in front of the door.

“Meg?”

I jumped at the deep voice and shrieked as I backed against the wall behind me. Grasping my towel against me, I closed my eyes. ‘He was back’ was all I could think as I waited for a large rough hand to cup around my neck and tug my towel away.

I waited and waited, until I could feel someone standing directly in front of me, but I was never touched. I peeked under my eyelashes only to find that it was Ant. He was staring at me with this befuddled expression, but a slight smile was on his lips.

I didn’t even think twice as I let out relieved sigh and swung my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I cried into his chest, soaking the white material of his plane white tee with my tears.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” I cried, as his arms snaked around my waist pulling me closer to him. I clung to him like I was going to loose my life if I let go.

“I’m glad you’re here with me too, Chelsea Pea.” I froze in horror at the distinct change in tone of the testosterone in his voice. I lifted my eyes onto his beautiful face again, only to find that it was replaced with the broad creased filled chocolate pallor of daddy. He had this silly nerve wrecking grin on his lips as he leaned downwards towards me for a kiss.

My stomach clenched harshly, my eyes widened in horror. I jerked away, belching out a shriek as I pressed the palm of my hand to daddy’s cheek. “Please don’t do it again!” I cried, just as daddy grabbed me by the arm and started shaking me.

“Meagan? Meagan? Chelsea? Meg?” daddy started blurting out my names, this worried look etching his features as he continued to shake me.

I recoiled from his hands, crying all the while because he wouldn’t let go of me. “Let go! Please just let go!” I shrieked, tears streaking down my hot cheeks now.

As soon as he released me I opened my eyes gasping for air as I stared into forest green eyes. My eyes drawled slowly against his face, soaking in the fact that who held me just a few seconds ago was not daddy, it was indeed Ant. But I didn’t know that at all, what if this was a trick?

“Meg, baby, are you okay?” his tone was on the edge of concern as he barely even touched my skin with his fingertips.

I peaked just over Ant’s shoulders to see that my room door was wide open, and the lights were on. I looked down at what I was wearing to see that I had on a large red T-shirt that stopped just below my knees.

I pooled the covers around my body as I ran my fingers loosely through my nappy curls. ‘It was all just a dream,’ I thought to myself, specifically remembering taking a shower and washing everything off before slipping in a red t-shirt and crying myself to sleep.

Small sweat droplets were rolling slowly down my cold forehead, I felt so cold yet so sweaty. I was trying so hard to catch up with my breathing but it wasn’t working at all.

“I’m fine.” I managed to say, “I just really need some water.” My throat felt really dry and sore. It really felt like I was screaming for a long time.

“I can see why, your screaming your lungs out. Did you have a nightmare or something?” he asked, as he pulled me to his side with one arm and held me.

I jerked away from him by accident, his touch was so nerve wrecking it was scaring me, I didn’t want him to morph into my dad like he did in my dream.

“Yeah…I did actually.” I said, my tone sounded voided of any emotion.

He furrowed his eyebrows, it seemed like he was looking at me in a new light, as if I were a different person.

“What’s going on?” the meaning in his words were carrying a different weight, they were heavier with meaning.

“Nothing,” I shook my head and forced a smile. “I-I just had a really scary nightmare, I just want something to drink is all.” I slowly moved out of my bed away from him, something about his expression was all the affirmation I needed to let me know that he knew something was up.

“Are you sure?” suspicion lingered in his tone as I attempted to step out of the bed. His hand caught my arm sending me in a sea of panic, it was the way he gripped my arm in his hand that gave away how frustrated I was making him. But he didn’t grip tightly; I just knew…it was kind of weird like a sense or something.

“I’ll get you your glass of water, why don’t you stay here.” He assured me, pasting on a smile himself as he kissed me on my forehead and got up from the bed.

“But what about my parents?” the question quickly came, after his statement.

“There not here, don’t worry.” He said softly, he smiled at me before disappearing into the hallway.

I sat there for a few minutes staring at the wall, listening cautiously in the kitchen as he made the glass of water. Listening in on the small things, like how there was more than one slam to the cupboards when there should have only been one and how the microwave was going on for a minute or two. I listened in on how the refrigerator closed and opened twice.

I closed my eyes and fell back onto the pillow, holding my breath for a couple of seconds and then slowly exhaling. By the time I’d finish this small calming exercise the smell of steaming chocolate hit my nostrils and then the covers to my bed were being pulled up and then arms were snaking around my waist pulling me back so that my back was hitting a chest.

“Baby, you are not okay.” He whispered as I turned over to my other side so that I was facing him and without saying anything I opened my eyes and kissed him. Feeling assured that it was really him I was kissing, and the best part about it was that he never morphed into my father. That’s when the true feeling of safety settled in a made itself known as I laid there in his arms, it felt as if nothing would happen to me as I laid there with him holding me the way he was holding me.

I pulled away from his lips, my fingers coming up to rest where my lips once were on his lips, they were soft under my touch. I felt comforted at the fact that those lips were mine; my lips were the only ones that touched those lips now. I felt a faint smile hit my own lips as I just blatantly got lost in his warm forest green eyes.

I felt horrible, I felt guilty and it just felt like I’d betrayed him of my purity. He was the one I was supposed to give myself to, not my father, but him. I couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore without holding back the big snotty cry that was bound to escape. I looked away instead opted for the crimson red polo he wore and stared at it hard until I broke.

“I’m…so sorry.” I cried, feeling big fat hot tears roll down my cheeks as I pulled him closer, so close I could feel every crease and bump to his body.

He wrapped his arm tighter around my body, “Hey…hey…shhh I’m right here, don’t cry. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise. Whatever it is that’s got you so upset, is nothing your man can’t handle.” He whispered soothingly in my hair, as he rubbed my arm in small circles with his fingers.

I kept crying and crying, until I could barely see and there was a big wet stain on his polo where I laid my head on.

When my cries and calmed down and had settled down to a sniffle here and there, he whispered “I made you some cocoa, but its probably cold by now let me go reheat it, but while I’m gone why don’t you drink this.” He reached for the tall glass of water that stood on my nightstand next to the pale blue mug of cold hot chocolate.

He handed me the glass of water as he slid out of bed and looked at me with a worried expression, “Are you going to be okay while I’m gone?”

I nodded my head and tilted the cool glass of water to my lips, reveling into the cool water that pooled around my top lip and tilted it further so that the cool liquid rushed passed the confines of my throat the coolness radiating in my chest as I sniffled and set the glass back to its rightful place on my nightstand.

A couple of minutes later, Ant came strolling into the room with the same pale mug with steam coming from it. I smiled and sniffled as he sat at the edge of my bed and handed me the steaming mug with a rag cushioning the hot ceramic handle.

I grasped the mug from him as I pressed it lightly to my lower lip careful not to burn it, blew for a second, then tilted it to where warm chocolate stung my tongue imprinting the sweet goodness in my tastes buds. I savored the taste for a couple of seconds before setting the mug on my nightstand. I could feel his eyes on me all the while and for once in my life dreaded to meet his expectant expression.

“What’s going on?” he demanded, in a soft manner. The demand was so soft, I would have sworn it’d been an innocent question, it barely even sounded demanding.

“I just don’t feel good.” I lied so naturally and quick it almost sounded true.

He was silent for a second, my eyes refused to meet his as I stared at the neon green numbers to my alarm clock.

He sighed, “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel good…” he said softly with apparent frustration dancing around his tone.

I looked him in the eyes, “I don’t feel good.” My voice cracked in the end.

He rolled his eyes, “That’s bullshit, if your going to lie at least make it believable. You can’t just tell me your not feeling good when clearly you just cried the whole Nile River on my shirt. Nobody cries that much when there sick and…you’re acting jumpy.” He’d given up the careful approach; his voice was harsh and blunt.

“What if it’s something I can’t tell you? They promised me not to say anything and I’m not, so don’t worry about it.” I explained.

He blew out a loud breath, as he stood abruptly from the bed and ran a hand against his wavy hair that clung to his scalp like intricately designed black paint.

“Well shit Chels, what the fuck do you want me to do? Just sit there and watch you while you cry like you lost a loved one.” He was mad, the only time he ever used my real name was whenever he was really frustrated with me.

“Just try not to worry okay…because I promise you it isn’t that serious.” I lied, halfway to myself and the other half to him. I looked him in the eyes with this pleading look, something in my eyes just ignited his suspicion and frustration more.

“Is it that bad?” he said, his voice was so low, the fact that his lips moved was the only proof that he actually said those words.

I looked away and hid my red cheeks in my arms, “No its not bad, I’m just really having strong emotional roller coasters right now. I’m on my period so you know…how things are….” I trailed hoping he might catch a hint and not the stretch the subject any further.

He ignored the signal, instead sat at the edge of the bed, right next to me, and captured my hands in his. “You can tell me anything, I promise. That’s what I’m here for.” He said more soothingly, more assuredly.

The thought was so distant at telling him I felt guilty for even saying the words so quickly, but what I did was unacceptable I couldn’t just tell him and think he’d understand, because reality is he would never understand and in the end would dump me because I cheated on him with my very own dad. How disgusting is that?

Either I was really desperate to just have him here with me while it lasted or was it just because he looked so damn gorgeous at the moment. But whatever it was, made me lock the door to my room and practically run into his arms both of us crashing onto my bed. My legs wrapped around his waist as I started to kiss him fiercely, with more ferventness than I’d ever kissed him with before.

I felt hungrier for him than I’d ever been, as I flicked my tongue on his lower lip and started trailing kisses every where. He seemed shocked and stiff under me even though he still reciprocated my kisses, his hands moving at a soft pace in small circles at the small of my back.

I wanted him so badly, to take away this…pain I felt…this constant feeling of being dirty and gross of my father as I straddled him like I did. I wanted him to make love to me, for at least one time before we said goodbye, before he really found out how bad I betrayed him. I wanted to feel this feeling of him making love to me, I just wanted the horrible image of my father pinning me against our living room wall to be out of my mind.

Which is why I pulled off the big red t-shirt I had on, my breast fully exposed to him, I was half naked now straddling him there was no turning back I thought as I continued to kiss him. I shoved back the hot feeling the rose to my cheeks, my barely noticeable flush of embarrassment.

His hand firmly but gently forced my lips to cease meeting his, “Whoah,” he breathed. “What the hell is going on? Are you sure about this Meg?” he sounded unsure, his eyes were barely flickering over my nude top half as he took a big gulp.

“Yes, I’m sure. I just want you to make love to me, I’m ready Ant I swear I’m ready.” I wanted to smother him with more kisses to cloud his judgment, he sounded like he didn’t plan to go any further with our make out session.

“No, you don’t sound like it.” He said, his eyes burning holes through mine, he didn’t look like he wanted to stop, but his judgment was still clouding his lust.

I ignored his statement and crashed my lips onto his; smiling against his lips when he’d finally caved in and rolled us over so that he was on top of me. I let him take control, and went into pure heaven as I laid back and felt the true makings of love happen to me that night.

I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS HARD updating this story. I have so many ideas and so many things to write, I just do not have the time like I used to, to really sit down and make my dream come true with this story. Please, pretty please, would you REVIEW this chapter and TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!:) Update may be sooner this time, sorry for the long wait!:(

~Classychik!:D