1.

Jacob: -chewing vigorously- nom nom nom nom nom nom—

Randi: Why the hell do you need to be so noisy when you eat?

Jacob: …Nom.

-A few moments later-

Randi: So what do you say when you’re drinking something?

Jacob:…uhhhhhh….suck nom suck nom!

Randi: *twitches*

2.

Ashley: I love horseback riding!

Me: Actually, I’ve never really liked horses.

Ashley: Really, why not?

Me: -Gets distracted by cows on side of the road- Because one time when I went horseback riding, my cow kept pooping while we were walking and it was really nasty—

Ashley and her Parents: -burst out laughing-

Me: What?

Ashley’s mom: You said cow instead of horse.

Me:…Oh.

3.

-I have my iPod in my pocket-

My Mom: Oh my gosh, Kristen’s got a light in her pants!

Me: -chokes on air- Someone’s biting my pants? What?!

-I couldn’t hear her properly because of said iPod-

4.

My Mom: OW!!

Me: -comes running down the stairs- WHAT’S WRONG?!

My Mom: I dropped scissors on my foot!

5.

-At the movies-

Preview: We got all your tickets, Lots of movie tickets, Fandango!!

-it gets really quiet-

Me: Oh my gosh her nose was the earth!!

Me and friends: -burst out laughing-

6.

Megan: Max slept in my bed last night, he was so cute, all fluffy and stuff.

Lexi: -not paying attention- WHAT?

Megan: …the dog, Lexi. My dog.

Lexi: …I knew that.

7.

Me: People irk me sometimes. I hate people. –I was just kidding-

Sammy: What? You hate peeing?

8.

-In Bible class-

Mr. Renick: Don’t give me that look. You all think I think you’re all innocent little children, but hey, I was a teenager once. I know what you’re thinking.

Ivan: That’s creepy!

9.

-I fell during track-

Me: Uhh…Bartsch!!

Bartsch: Yeah, Fantozzi—Oh great, what happened to you this time? BRENT! Go in my truck and get the band-aids.

10.

Mrs. Powell: THOU SHALT NOT PASS!!

11.

-Mr. Renick has lots of hats-

Me: Why do I have the eerie feeling that I’m being watched?

Gary: -looks around- Mr. Renick’s hat has three eyes hanging off of it.

Me: Yeah that would probably explain a lot.

12.

Gary: Hi Kristen.

Me: Eww, it’s Gary.

Gary: That’s nice to say...

13.

My mom: Okay, I swear that wall wasn’t there earlier.

14.

Me: It’s like that old American commercial where they used to try and make kids eat green peas. Ho ho ho, Green Giant~!!

-It’s from a video-

15.

Sophie: What do you WANT from me?! ‘Cause if you want my flippin’ popcorn, TAKE IT!

16.

Me: I wanna squirt gun. I wanna squirt MACHINE gun.

-Yeah I get hyper a lot…-

17.

My Grandma: So what about these River Rats?

Me: Uhh, Grandma, that’s River Cats…Cats, with a ‘C’.

My dad: That’s it, no more alcohol for my mother-in-law.

18.

-Amy when I went to see Twilight with her-

Amy: OH MY GOD TAYLOR LAUTNER LOOKS LIKE A HIPPIE! A REALLY, REALLY HOT HIPPIE THAT HAPPENS TO BE A WOLFIE!! HE’S A WOLFIE HIPPIE!

-Note to self: never go to the movies with Amy. Ever.-

19.

Hunter: Did you fall AGAIN, Anakin?

Anakin: ...NO!...Well yeah kind of.

20.

Classmate: Oh my gosh, Anakin has sideburns!

Anakin: Do not.

Classmate: Yeah you do.

Anakin: It’s just my hair that’s styled so they kind of look like sideburns…

Classmate: Oh…well then…Anakin has FAKE sideburns!!

Anakin: -puts his fingers over his ‘sideburns’ defensively- It’s…the style…in Asia…

-As sad as this sounds, I can’t remember if that last one was from a dream or in real life. Haha-

21.

-This happened last year-

Classmate: oh my God! I think I just touched Bartsch’s butt! EWW!

Bartsch: Yeah. I have to go burn my butt now. Thanks a lot for that.

22.

Ashley: I ate a taco. It was a good taco. Spicy.

23.

Me:…because CERTAIN people with CERTAIN mothers who are FLIPPIN’ whales irk a CERTAIN Asian. ME!!

-Yeah I was mad about something…Haha-

24.

Me: What the butt?

25.

-My impressions of gay guys-

Me: -in sing song weird voice- Oh my God darl’ang you look GORGEOUS~~

Me: Ohmahgawd the bend and snap works EVERY TIME!

26.

Gary: I can speak a little Vietnamese.

Me: Like what?

Jess: Yeah like what?

Gary: Like…where’s the bathroom?

Jess: …

Me: Yeah, I get the feeling that’s all you know.

Gary: Pretty much.

27.

Me: Joseph, stop being angsty.

Joseph: I’m not angsty!

Me: Yes you are.

Joseph: No I’m not!

Me: -hits him with a book- Yes you are.

Joseph: ARGH! –walks away all angsty-

28.

Randi: JACOB’S BEING GAY WITH JOSEPH! AND JOSEPH’S LAUGHING SO I THINK HE’S ENJOYING IT!!

Joseph: WHAT?

29.

Sydney: Oh my God, I am LOSING MY MIND HERE!!

Me: -mumbles under breath- Can’t lose what you never had.

Michael: Ooh, BURN!!!

Johnny: That’s gonna leave a mark.

30.

-Watching Elf in Spanish class-

Me: Dear God, this movie looked weird BEFORE. And now they want me to watch it in flippin’ Spanish. Great.

31.

-Joseph was sleeping in chapel-

Ashley: -leans over to me- Wanna bet on whether or not he’s drooling?

32.

Ashley R.: Are you going out with Joseph?

Me: -startled- No…

Ashley R.: Oh, because it looked like you guys were together or something.

Me: Since when?

Ashley R.: Since you guys are always like harassing each other, and you sat on his backpack the other day.

Me: There are usually two reasons why people harass each other. One, they secretly like each other. Two, they really do just enjoy bothering each other and making each other miserable. This is a case of the latter.

33.

David: Hey Anakin, if you say watermelon really slowly it says gullible.

Me: Oh God…Anakin, wai—

Anakin: -says watermelon really slowly-

David: -bursts out laughing-

Anakin: What?! –His first language is Chinese so he didn’t catch the joke-

Me: Sigh…this will not turn out well…

34.

Jess: Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I just poked your boob by accident I’m so sorry!

Me: You know, if you didn’t say it out loud I really would have just forgotten about it.

35.

My mom: Oh my gosh this food tastes horrible! –talking about her freezer meal-

Me: -looks at the box- Mom how long did you put it in for?

My mom: Forty seconds just like it says.

Me: …Mom, it says four minutes.

36.

Shane: What if the world was run by mice? Would they poop in our hands and make us eat it?

37.

Kyle: I am Darth Hideous!!...I MEAN SIDIOUS!!

38.

Kyle P.: POP goes the cherry!

39.

Kyle P.: Oh my God, my bellybutton is talking to me again!

40.

My mom: So have you finished that Breaking Wind book yet?

Me: What?
My Mom:…I MEANT BREAKING DAWN!!

A/N: this was inspired by Can Girls Get Testicular Cancer? by Shiori Miko. I just thought that it was a fun idea, and since my friends and I have some pretty random moments, I decided to do something in likeness.

Uhhh...I don't know what else to say. Review please! And...I don't know if I will update this...I'll see how the response is...Haha xD

Oh, and just so you know, I love my mom =] Haha.

~Netty-chan214