Chapter 5

Someone shot up next to me and a string of curses flew from their mouth. It was what woke me up. I shot up next to them, trying to get my bearings. I was cold. Why was I cold? What was going on? Something wet dripped onto my head and down my face. I wiped it away while glancing over.

“Findarato?” I said quietly.

“Isilwen, we fell asleep, we need to get you back to the palace. I’m sure someone is looking for you.”

“We fell asleep,” I gasped.

I jumped to my feet and ran to Lady, jumping up onto her back. Without even waiting for Findarato, I prodded her side and took off, streaking back to the stables. I knew he could keep up.

I made the distance much quicker than the night before. If she started to slow, I urged her faster.

When I reached the stables, I ran her into the stall and closed the gate. I knew she needed a rub down, she needed proper care but I had to get back into the palace. I would send Tari out to take care of them.

Findarato darted in behind me and I couldn’t help but laugh. If we were caught, the situation was extreme, but it was also funny. I couldn’t believe we had fallen asleep. Once his gate shut, I ran to him and kissed him. It wasn’t like the other’s we had shared. This one was much more passionate. He seemed shocked when I stepped back, his arms still reaching for me. With a final smile, I ran back into the palace grounds. I didn’t even bother with the window, I just needed to get to my room before someone came calling on me.

The guards opened my door when I passed them. The moment they shut the door behind me I let out the breath I had been holding and tried to slow my heart rate. So far everything was alright.

“Isilwen?” Tari’s voice came from my bed.

I glanced up at her and smiled weakly.

“Why are you so late? The sun is up!”

“I know,” I wheezed, “We fell asleep.”

Her eyes went wide and I couldn’t help laugh. I knew what she was thinking.

“No,” I said, “We were out by that lake you and I discovered when we were kids and we were lying on the grass, the next thing I know its morning.”

“I came back late last night, waiting for you. What if someone saw you, Isilwen?”

“I don’ think anyone did. There was no one at the stables left when we left Lady and Dutch.”

She nodded, her eyes scared.

A knock on my door interrupted Tari and I. The doors opened and one of my mother’s ladies in waiting entered my chambers.

“Princess, your mother has requested your presence in her dressing room.”

I stared at her, searching her face for any sort of accusations but there didn’t appear to be any.

With a fleeting glance to Tari, I passed the guards who held my door open for me, and left my chambers.

I turned back to her and said, “Please prepare the horses for our ride today.”

“Yes mi’lady,” she said with a low bow.

Tari was a blessing to me. She always seemed to know what to do, how to act, and this was definitely one of those moments.

With a final smile, I started walking quickly through the corridors, terrified as to what my mother wanted me for. It was very rare that she requested my presence. Usually she just came to see me. And to ask for me in her dressing room was even stranger. I just hoped she didn’t know anything.

The guards at her dressing room opened her door and announced me. Once I walked through the doors, he closed them behind me. I stepped inside, trying to control my racing heart.

It was just my mother and I standing in the room. She sat in her chair, with a brush in her hand. Her eyes were watching me intently in her mirror.

“Is it not a bit early in the morning to be going for a ride?”

I looked down and grimaced. Before I could answer, she continued on.

“I have been informed that you did not return to your room last night, in fact, you didn’t return to your room until early this morning, the same as the night before.”

My jaw dropped and my hand clasped my stomach, attempting to soothe my nerves. I hadn’t thought my guards would report me to my mother.

“I want to know who you were with Isilwen,” she stood from her chair and moved closer to me.

My mouth was suddenly dry. I didn’t think I could even form any words.

“I-”

“Was it Amdor?”

I choked back Findarato’s name and stared at my mother. “Amdor? No. Why?”

She watched me closely, analyzing every motion I made. Finally, she seemed content that I was telling the truth. “Well who then? And don’t tell me Tari because from what I understand, she spent the night in your bed.”

I was a little shocked at my mother’s knowledge. My guard’s must report everything to her.

I hung my head, “I… went for a ride.”

“The entire night?” she demanded, her sharp eyes still watching me. My heart was racing almost as fast as my brain, trying to come up with an alibi.

“Yes?”

“Alright,” she smiled.

For one brief moment, I thought she believed me. But then she hit me with the next question, which almost kicked my legs out from under me.

“If you want to play it that way, then who were you out riding with?”

My eyes fluttered shut. I was starting to see there would be no way around this. My only hope was that as my mother, she would understand and not throw us to the wolves. I was banking on her love of her child over her love of her kingdom. Tari’s words reverberated through my head. Your mother would want you to be happy, as do I.

When I didn’t answer immediately, she rose from her chair and crossed the room to me.

“Isilwen,” she said, hooking a finger under my chin and lifting my face so she could see into my eyes, “Who were you with?”

My breath came out shaky. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t say Tari, and I couldn’t betray Findarato. I had just found him, I couldn’t bear to lose him now.

“Isilwen,” her voice came out more commanding. “I know you were with someone. I want to know who, and I will know if you are lying.”

That comment made me think she already knew about Findarato. My mother was very intelligent. It probably would have been easy for her to connect the dots when looking at my behavior the past two days. I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat.

“Isilwen,” she ordered.

“Findarato,” I whispered squeezing my eyes shut. My heart had spiked into my throat.

“Who is Findarato?” I heard the confusion in her voice.

I swallowed again and opened my eyes, looking her straight in the eyes, “He’s a member of the guard.”

My mother’s eyes grew large. Her hand pressed against her stomach, quite like my own and she moved back to her chair. She sat lightly, her other hand covering her lips.

“A guard?”

I nodded, my lips pressing into a thin line.

“Isilwen-”

“I love him, mother.”

Her eyes shot to me. “You what?”

I repeated what I had said. I had to make her understand. I wasn’t even sure I understood yet. I only just met him, but I knew.

“You love him.”

I nodded, giving her a few moments to register what I had just told her.

“Isilwen, do you understand how dangerous this is?”

I nodded again, “I do, and he does also.”

“He does? And he’s alright with this?”

“Yes. He told me I was worth the risk,” I said, a small smile curving my lips.

She was silent for a few moments, her fingers still held against her lips. I knew I had shocked her. She had probably never thought this would be a possibility.

“Isilwen, you’re still so young. Do you understand that this isn’t something that can last? If the council finds out, your guard will be put to death.”

I stared at my mother, “Then I’ll just have to be sure that the council never finds out.”

She shook her head, rising from her chair, “I would never dream of making you unhappy Isilwen, but I am begging you to give this up, please. This will only bring you pain and I can’t bear to see you hurt. Plus you must keep this young guard in mind also. I don’t think you two really do understand, he will be put to death Isilwen. Can you bear to be the reason behind someone’s death?”

Taking a deep breath I decided to be completely honest with my mother. “I don’t think it’s that simple mother. We see each other everywhere-”

“I can change that,” she offered, “I can have him reassigned.”

“No!” I gasped, taking a step towards her. “No, it’s more than that. When he’s in a room, I feel as though I am drawn to him. When I am in his arms, it’s like the world exists only for the two of us. I think it would hurt just as much if I wasn’t able to see him, or hold him.”

My mother’s face had whitened with my little speech. I could see she was truly terrified for me. Maybe it was the fact that she understood this wasn’t just a fascination, it was much more than that.

“I can’t sway you from this?”

I shook my head.

She walked over to me and drew me into her arms.

“I know the pain awaiting you when this goes wrong,”my mother said. “And it will go wrong, darling, trust me. There is no avoiding it. Please, be careful.”

I nodded into her shoulder.

“Now, go. I think I might just need to be alone for bit,” she said with a light chuckle.

“You won’t tell anyone?”

“Goodness, no. No, I think the less is best for this. And I never did agree with the law of death for the man who was stupid enough to fall in love with a royal.”

I smiled at my mother, grateful to her. I turned then and left the room.

My shoulders sagged the second I stepped out of my mother’s chambers. That had been a very tiring conversation.

“Your Highness?”

Immediately I felt a little more alert. I would know that voice now from anywhere. I would walk through fire for that voice.

I turned to Findarato and smiled weakly.

“Your presence is required in the dressing room to start your preparation for the ball tonight.”

I heaved a sigh. Too much excitement for one day. Findarato’s hand lightly touched my back, directing me from my mother’s chambers. My skin sang at his touch. I walked forward, trying not to show how he affected me to anyone else that was standing around.

When we were out of ear shot and standing in an empty corridor, he turned me towards him, staring down on me.

“Are you alright?” he demanded, his worry very audible.

I nodded, “I’m fine, why?”

He grinned sheepishly. “The guards know everything. I had heard from another guard that you had been summoned to the Queen’s chambers and I heard one of your personal guards say it was because you hadn’t returned to your own chambers for the past two nights.”

“So I’m not actually needed at the dressing rooms then?” I asked hopefully.

“No, you are. I just offered to fetch you.”

I smiled at him, but I knew it wasn’t my usual smile.

“What happened?”

“I think my mother has my guards watching me and reporting to her. She demanded to know where I was the past two nights.”

“Did you tell her?”

I nodded, watching the reaction in his eyes. I saw a moment of fear, but it was gone just as quickly.

“Don’t worry,” I whispered, cupping his cheek with my palm, “As scared as she is for what we’re doing, she said she wasn’t going to report you.”

Findarato released his breath and leaned his forehead against mine again, the same as last night.

“For a slight moment there, I was worried I would lose you as soon as I found you.”

I laughed lightly, “You weren’t scared for your own life? Just that we might not be able to be together?”

He grinned ruefully, his smile instinctively making my day just a little brighter, “What can I say, what is life without a little challenge?”

I shook my head.

“Come, I’ll walk you to the dressing rooms.”

I curtseyed playfully, “Why thank you, good sir.”

It wasn’t a long walk to the dressing rooms and I found myself slowing down as we approached it, trying to drag more time out with him.

When we reached the door, I caught him analyzing the hallways. Apparently satisfied, he leaned down with a playful twinkle to his eyes.

I watched him curiously. He grabbed me then and pressed me against his body. My breath hitched in my throat but before I could say anything, he was kissing me again. I felt his mouth part against mine, and I responded. Our kiss deepened. My arms wrapped around his neck and he lifted me into the air, pressing me against the wall. I had to rethink the passionate kiss from this morning, this one was definitely much more. A need burned through me that had me making small noises against his lips.

Finally he released me and set me gently back down on my feet. My head was reeling, my stomach twisting with butterflies.

“What’s life without a challenge,” I repeated his words, mine slurred slightly.

“Just a little something for you to think about until I see you again,” he whispered into my ear, winking as he backed away.

I turned and stumbled through the doors. I could hear him laughing at me as he walked down the corridors.

“Issi?” Tari asked.

I glanced at her.

“Are you alright?”

I nodded, basking in the happiness that was radiating around me.

With a knowing smile, she turned towards my dress. “Let’s get you dressed then.”

After hours of primping, grooming, and squeezing into a dress that was rather constricting, Tari and the dress maker spun me around to see myself in the mirror. The person staring back at me in the reflection didn’t look like me at all. My hair had been woven into braids and then piled gracefully on my head, secured with pins and then covered with flowers. My emerald eyes seemed larger than normal, the gold glowing, accentuated by the green and gold layers of my dress. My skin, which normally had a pink tinge to it, was now a deep bronze, also an effect of the forest green dress.

“Wow,” Tari whistled, staring at me with her hands on her hips. “Issi, you look spectacular. You’re going to be the belle of the ball.”

I glanced at her and saw her eyes shining with silent laughter.

The door opened and Corellon stepped in. He came to a stop when his eyes fell on me and his jaw dropped.

“Your Highness, you look amazing.”

“Thank you Corellon.” I said with a small curtsey.

“They are waiting for you, are you ready?”

I nodded.

He held the door open and we rushed through the corridors.

“I’ll meet you inside in a few minutes,” Tari said, “I need to go get dressed.”

I squeezed her hand and parted with her.

Corellon left me with both my parents, who both smiled and reached for me.

“Darling, you look beautiful,” my father’s voice growled.

I smiled and hugged him gently, “You look pretty good too,” I said with a wink.

Amdor approached us. Oddly enough he didn’t greet any of us. I frowned and looked at my mother who was watching the guards at the door.

“Everything is ready, Your Majesty’s,” one said while opening the doors.

Amdor came to stand next to me and held his arm out. I tentatively took it, barely resting my arm on his. His demeanor was a little frightening. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was still upset with me for not meeting him last time he asked.

We entered the hall, my gown kissing the ceramic floor as I moved lithely across. Amdor had barely paid me a second glance since he offered his arm. I saw him glance at me through the corner of his eyes, and bow slightly, then stared straight ahead. We walked through the hall, approaching our thrones. I glanced at Amdor once more and could have sworn I saw him grinding his teeth, but when I looked harder, his face was unreadable.

Neither of us had said a word to each other. I was a little uncomfortable. He was, after all, my father’s best friend. I didn’t like thinking a member of my family was possibly upset with me. But I was too nervous to ask.

As we moved closer to the throne, my eyes instantly found Findarato. I hadn’t even known he was part of the guard for tonight. His eyes were wide and his mouth was slack as he stared at me. The minute I met his eyes, I forgot all about Amdor and his sullenness. I ducked my head a little, my cheeks flushing.

The moment I stood next to my throne, Amdor released my arm and instantly walked away. I took my seat, followed by my father and lastly my mother. Once my mother was seated, everyone rose from their bows and the music started.

I watched as our people started to twirl around with each other. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have been born common, and been able to fall in love with anyone I wanted. As it were, I was at a ball and couldn’t even look at the one that I had chosen, let alone dance with him.