Midnight bleeds into four am
and we're still lying motionless
as your ceiling fan bleeds into
ivy vines. Crawling across bloody floor boards
I curl up in omnity as your arms swerve
into roads that won't take me home.
Looking into that reflection I focus on old memories,
see the hate echoing in my eyes as bad habits
reawaken in a fit of weakness.
Two nights later and again, I'm smelling
the insides of concavity inside of that royal
hell hole of recreation. Light, pass, smell.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

Sleeping in cars I walk into graves knowing full well
that after this moment I will be withdrawn, oozing
hatred as your hands move up my body, under my
clothes.
You grope with clumsy hands and I try to kiss you back
with the passion that you crave. I fail miserably
but your optimism blinds you to my reluctance as I am
determined to give you what you so earnestly desire.
Again, I find myself in your presence weeks later.
Bad soundtracks corrupt the silence as I watch
the familiar trees in a blur of speed.
Run red lights, swerve onto strange dark roads
we're among the hate and those horses stand
not feet from us, eyes full of loathing focus
on our little girl forms as we pretend to be
bigger than we are.
Lying on the floor I can feel the blood and you're
telling me my neurons are dying. I can see the cat
locked on the other side of that glass I cleaned
days, weeks, months? earlier.
Margarita Mondays as I flirt with boys and
make promises I cannot keep, fully aware what I'm
walking into, I shut my eyes and make that leap.